Sorry about the weird subject line, but that's about all I can think of to say right now. I'll explain. I'm new here, "kurisu" is how you'd say my name Chris in Japanese. I'm male, 27, and out of options. I have been addicted to porn/masturbation since I was 12 and first figured out how to do it. I want to stop.
Truth is, I'm feeling terrified to post here, because right now I am so ruined, I am terrified of even the smallest rejections. But I have to do this. I have to ask for help. I know I can't do this alone. I've tried to quit, alone, since I was 14. Yup, I recognized it as a problem even at 14, and now I'm 27 and it's worse than ever.
I don't remember how I found this site. But I'm so glad I did. Reading your stories has been so inspiring you have no idea. For the first time ever, I can believe that it is possible to end this terrible way of life!
I need help. I don't even know what I'm asking for really. Today is day 2. It's been an awful day, so I think I'll tell you my withdrawal symptoms for now:
--Mood swings like a pregnant 13-year-old girl.
--Severe, unbearable loneliness.
--Tension: headaches, mild muscle aches, stiffness all over, a feeling like pressure on my teeth.
--Anxiety about nothing in particular.
--Panic attacks (rare, but it's happened)
--Always feeling cold, even in front of the fireplace.
--Intense fear of anything and everything.
--Crying about everything...I'll see a neat-looking tree and then cry about it.
--Intense, insatiable desire for human contact...yet a terrible fear of actually getting it!
--Fear of rejection.
--No desire for sex...until I catch a glimpse of porn again (or wait long enough of a time without looking)
--Insatiable food cravings...Almost ate an entire pan of brownies in 24 hours.
--I'm a composer...and I can't compose.
--I have a VERY SHORT FUSE you idiot! LOL...treating people like crap when I feel like this! This is the worst symptom!
If someone would be willing to set me up a blog, I want to write my life story. It's kinda long, so I'll save it for a blog. Hopefully it will even be interesting, lol.
If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that I am not just here to take, but to give back in return. Today I'm feeling completely terrible, but I'll do my best. If you read this, thank you.