new member need advice please

Submitted by Tom on
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Hi I'm hoping I can get some advice. I've been trying hard to stay away from internet porn for a long time now. I have been using it for the last 5 or 6 years whenever I get the chance. Over this time my erections have become weaker and weaker and no longer get "spontaneous" erections. I did tell my wife that I was viewing porn a lot and that I thought it was this that was giving me problems with my erections. I promised my understanding wife that I would stay away from the porn but I've found it difficult and tend to fall back into it to readily. I feel that this is controling me and is making my life a misery.... I just want to break this cycle and get my life back. I have started again today to stay away from the evil porn and will be a frequent visitor to this very helpfull site. Wish me luck.

Good luck!

There's lots of great info on this site. If you haven't already found it, a good place to start is here:

I also find reading what others in the same boat have to say is really helpful. It helps a lot to post your own thoughts too.

One tip is to have an alternative, enjoyable activity to hand that you can turn to whenever you get the urge to view porn. Could be reading a book, going for a walk, playing guitar - whatever works for you. Then whenever you get the urge just go straight to your alternative activity immediately.

Giving up this addiction is a learning experience, and if you relapse at all don't be hard on yourself, but try to learn from it, see how you slipped up, learn what triggers you, and then get back on the path as soon as you can.

I wish you well!


You can see my history at Why the Porn Is in the Trash
I don't have a clue why your erections are changing....a message from God?
I was never successful at "trying" to stop using porn. It wasn't until I got here and redefined myself as a man who does not seek orgasm that it fell away.
Keep coming back. There is a lot of great information and support here. Seek out the oxytocin building activities.
Enlist the help of friends. Will your wife agree to help you?
Put post-its on your computer, DVD's, mags, reminding yourself of your goal.
Check your emotions when you are tempted. What are you feeling? What would you cover up by jacking off? What do you really want?
Develop a discipline of some kind. The lessons you learn will help in this area as well. I fast on Wednesdays. I've learned about "just saying no".
Shit happens....let your failures go and get back on track.
Compassion, you are a strong courageous man setting out on a difficult task. Love yourself for it.
Laugh, this path can get pretty ridiculous. Enjoy it.
Peace and Love

Hi Tom

Welcome to the site. Hope it gives you some of the support you are looking for.

You're all set to blog. Here are the instructions:

Here are some random thoughts, as I'm really busy on something else at the moment. I suspect that your first priority is getting unhooked from your addiction (Yes...alas, it IS one. At a brain chemical level your body doesn't distinguish between the compulsiveness of gambling, drugs, porn or even sugar - if you use such things to self-medicate. Extreme stimulation creates extreme highs...and LOWS, and it is the lows that drive the addiction.)

For now, I would try not to worry about erections. Just be patient and consistent. You will see continued benefits for months if your addiction has been strong. One of those benefits seems to be finding real women more of a turn on. But it will be a while. Meanwhile, you want to do your best to stay away from all cues (things associated with the addiction: fantasizing, porn, orgasm), as each triggers the others...and continues to strengthen the pathway in the brain that urges you back to porn for "relief", so these activities make recovery longer. Ugh. See

And it would help a lot to work in some daily affection with your wife. It will keep you both more balanced while you're healing. Here's why (and you may want to read the man's experience at the end of the article):

I wish you a swift recovery. Thanks for making the effort!

Re advice

Thank you for your replys I appreciate it. I pray I will get better and I know its going to be a difficult road but I need to do this as nobody else can do it for me. It's my life and it's up to me to change it. I'm sick of being weak and hating myself. I'm so glad I've found this site. Thank you.

Whatever happens,

please don't hate yourself. Smile

First, you're actually innocent. A primitive part of your brain just did its job too well. Second, hating yourself would only make your new direction harder.

Let us know how it's going.