I had some ideas on oxytocin come to me this morning. I was about to type them into my journal, then I thought I might as well put these ones here to see if I can stimulate a conversation on this topic. I'm hoping you'll be able to add to my observations and enrich this topic beyond what have I come up with.
To start with, here are the basics---
We have two chemicals (well, there's more but let's keep it simple. OK?) and these chemicals are like opposites. One called Dopamine is what causes that high during sex. It's at the foundation of every other addiction too. Yes, sex is an addiction. A nice one, but the dopamine's presence clearly indicates that an addiction program is running during sex. That's to make sure we all have babies, I suppose. But, like all addictions, the longer you have sex, the more sex you'll need to get the same high. Eventually, sex stops being as fun and the couple finds that other lovers, a new relationship, temporarily brings back that old sexual high . . . so they split up. This is a good thing as far as creating a widespread genetic pool is concerned but not so good for relationships.
The other chemical is called oxytocin. You get that one from touch in a loving way, not from hot sex. You get it from hugging. Stillness is the key to turning on the oxytocin in our bodies. This chemical is what bonds us together; it produces the 'falling in love' feeling. It's having too much dopamine in our bodies from sex that erases the oxytocin and causes the honeymoon to eventually end.
There's an interesting medical aside here as well. Our nerve cells have built-in receptor sites for various chemicals. There are some for dopamine and some for oxytocin. The more we have sex and the more dopamine is sent to the various nerve cells, the less receptor sites are produced for that chemical. That's why it takes more and more stimulation to get the same feeling of ecstasy from the dopamine. On the other hand, the more oxytocin is sent to the nerve cells, the MORE receptor sites are produced for that chemical. Do you get it? The more we hug in stillness the better it will feel and the more hot sex we have the less fun it becomes.
In other words, reproductive sex alone leads to dissatisfaction in bed while adding hugging and other forms of touch in stillness leads to increased sexual pleasure.
There are some additional conclusions that can be arrived at from this concept. First, that the oxytocin receptor sites are a local phenomena. When you hold hands, it is the nerve ending on your palms which build the additional receptor sites. My wife and I nearly always walk together with her on my left side. When we hold hands, it is her right hand holding my left. If she happens to be on my right side, it feels awkward to hold hands and we inevitably switch back to how we feel more comfortable. Could it be that we've produced more oxytocin sites on the hands which we hold most of the time and that's why it feels more natural to be aligned in that way?
Hugging creates receptor sites on the front of our bodies; Lips would do the same, and so forth.
Second, it is the hugging, as an example, that bonds the mated couple together. The more they touch in stillness, the more attractive they become to each other. I still recall when we were engaged and couldn't say goodbye, so we'd stand outside her parent's house in the dark and hug and kiss for hours. We'd put a blanket over our heads so her parents, who would occasionally look out the window, couldn't tell what we were doing. Ha! Now that I'm almost an empty nester, that idea sounds ridiculous. It would have been better if they HAD know what we were doing instead of guessing.
Since it is the loving touch of our mate that bonds us, it seems reasonable to conclude that the oxytocin receptor sites are person specific. In other words, the flow of oxytocin will be stronger from hugging your mate as opposed to hugging a stranger. Your chests, in some mysterious way, communicate back and forth during a hug and the more oxytocin receptor sites there are which recognize the energy of the other person, the better the flow of energy will be. And the more pleasure you'll feel from doing that. Higher energy flow means more energy blockage will be removed. In the case of the heart center, it means the more open to the world you will become and the more love you can share without your self-made restrictions blocking the way.
Hugging does something to you on a very deep metaphysical level as well. The physical is not cut off from the rest of your being. Mind, body, and spirit are all intertwined into one energy system.
All the life sciences agree that, physically, a human being is an open energy system. Energy is flowing in and out of our bodies constantly, both in the form of life force and intelligent thoughts, coming to us from everyone around us and from us to them. Therefore, the healer's energy and intent is easily transferred to the healee. It is a natural, non-stressful, event, inevitable. Think of it like this---our energy isn't trapped in our bodies like in a bottle; we are more like a ball of light floating in the cosmos; an open energy system.---Healing Touch
Where is all this leading to? Intercourse, the capital of the column of sexual energy transfer. Remember, oxytocin receptor sites are both body part specific and person specific and also that it's touching in stillness and loving intent which creates receptor sites. Intercourse in stillness creates oxytocin receptor sites on the sex organs which is the most powerful way we have of bonding with our mate. There is no other more intimate way to touch.
Movement during copulation produces dopamine, and that's OK, it's part of sex. but . . . BUT, how much time do you spend copulating in complete stillness? If you're new to this idea of Sacred Sex and are able to put your passions aside for a time, lay quietly together in intercourse for a whole half hour and see what you feel. If you are sensitive to the movement of your body energy then you will realize that 'quiet' and 'stillness' are not very good ways to describe this experience. The longer you lay there, the more energy will be moving between you through your sex organs.
This phenomena is explained in the practice of Jin Shin Do or any of the other practices of acupressure. The typical healing session consists of the therapists picking a couple of pressure points and just holding them fro a period of time. The longer the points are held, the clearer the energy flow between them becomes, moving from one point to the other through the body of the therapist and also through the the client's body---from point to point, clearing the energy path between them. We humans are open energy systems.
Intercourse in stillness works on this same principle. Over time, as you spend at least a half hour each day hugging in stillness and especially when copulated, your body will change it's entire chemistry. When will modern science catch up with the mystics of old and discover that sex, that forbidden and totally misunderstood act of passion, is one of the most powerful tools we have for brining about personal transformation. Those who have practiced Sacred Sex consistently gradually become better balanced, more adjusted and well rounded people. They tend to heal the hurts inside of them and are able to let go of past regrets instead of casting them into their future as fear.
How can intercourse promise so much? We are designed that way. We're also designed to respond to the call for dopamine. It is a choice. It's not a mater of just managing to keep with the program, hoping that some outside influence will force you to reprogram your body to accept Sacred Sex. It is a personal choice. You must really want the experience and the good it will bring to you on a deep level. Your inner desire must allow you to step into the world of Sacred Sex and surrender to it---to let it engulf you and heal you. Become absorbed by it powerful grip and let your mate and you become one in heart and in passion.
Well, I got carried away here. I guess this subject packs a lot of emotional energy for me. I hope I have spurred on some new though patterns for you. How do you relate to these ideas? Let's open a discussion and hash some of this out and learn new things.