Living without orgasms...long time follower, still a newbie.

Submitted by wings on
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Hi everybody,
I'm a 31yo male who discovered this website some months ago.
Since my early 20s, I've had a sneaking suspicion that orgasms do more than meets the eye. That led me to limit my orgasms to once a week until now, but after reading up on the science, I am wondering whether I should go all the way and stop all together.

Orgasm has some very direct after-effects on me, present in varying degrees. The orgasm itself is very powerful; it completely satiates my sexual desires, and is felt for several hours. However, afterwards, I pay the price. Sleep disturbances, restless legs, feeling empty are common effects. Until now, I've allowed myself the once-a-week release, because the effects seemed limited.

If I go without orgasms, my social life becomes better. I am less needy, more adventurous and more independent. The opposite is true if I am in a cycle with too many orgasms, without fail.

I'm currently single, and I think limiting masturbation is essential to my wellbeing. I don't have the scientific backup, but I'm pretty sure orgasms make your body go into "partner-mode", and that seems obviously self-defeating if there's no partner around.

That was just a few of the many thoughts I've had so far.

Can anyone relate?

Welcome :)

Hi wings!

I'm 23 single and recently decided to give up the orgasms. I had been once a day rather than once a week like you, and pretty compulsive with porn-watching. I noticed immediately changes in my social life and perceptions of pleasure as a result, and even improvement in my communication with family members. It's not even been a week yet :o

It's hard to know for sure about the partner mode. I've heard the ev psych guys speculate that men masturbated in primitive times to get rid of older sperm or change the ratio of blockers/egg getters/etc in preparation for mating opportunities. Robin Baker wrote a book called Sperm Wars about this stuff but I don't think it's very respected in the scientific community.

So are you planning to stop altogether? You could always do an experiment for 30 days or so if you are unsure.

Welcome wings

Nice to have you here...testing the water with the rest of us. Feel free to start a blog if you like. Your post got me rambling...

Everyone uses the material at this site in a different way, and it's great when you share your particular experiment, whatever it is, and the results you get.

It's seeming clearer and clearer...to me at least (and obviously to you)...that our sexual energy is what ideally connects us with others (and perhaps restores us to full awareness of our oneness). This is the part that science seems to overlook often.

But if that's right...then just cutting back on orgasm isn't the whole answer to finding a joyful sense of well-being. The answer is to get out there and connect.:-)

Of course, connecting as selflessly as possible may be a key part of that phase. That's where the material about karezza comes in. Although it looks like it's all about avoiding orgasm...it's really about how to make love (or even connect with hugs, etc), without setting off a neurochemical storm that leaves both partners suffering from low dopamine and feeling used...or hopelessly driven by biology (needy, horny...whatever).

Frankly, I know that it's just plain impossible for me to stay as loving and generous when my post-orgasmic neurochemical fluctuations are at work...hence my preference for non-orgasmic sex.

I know this seems a bit premature in your case ;-), but thinking ahead may help you zero in on the best place to find a mate. One of our more rational site members, Curious Fellow, is checking out new friends from some of the celibacy sites. Many people at such sites don't plan to be celibate forever, but clearly don't want to engage in casual sex either.

So...bottom line...what are you doing to reach out to potential mates? Wink

Thanks for the welcome...

To you both.

DaventryHero: Yes, I think the 30-day experiment is next. I have gone that long before quite a few times (in between-girlfriends), and what happens is that I loose my interest in intellectualising the process, because everything just seems to flow. Which is a good thing, I guess, as long as it doesn't lead to more orgasms.

Marnia:Yes, I've realized that all that sexual energy absolutely makes it easier for me to have healthier relationsship with people around me.

I would like to hear more about those celibacy sites you mention. I don't think a "conventional" girlfriend-situation will be helpful for me right now (for me, the first phase in those relationsships have always included a lot of bonding sex, and I don't think I am quite ready to go through that phase with this new mindset just yet). But one of my goals is definetely finding the right woman for me.