The book is great but it doesn't directly address the problem of when a partner (in this case, me) has a sexual addiction?
I used to look at porn once or twice a week. I don't any more and it's been a struggle to stay abstinent, but I am committed to doing it.
So they say you have to "just quit" your addiction cold turkey to start the exchanges. I had decided to quit many many months ago, and have been trying to "stay sober". I don't go for porn any more but it seems sometimes, every few weeks, i seem to just go unconscious and end up having an orgasm. making it undeniable that this is in fact an addiction. not like i black out, but like i think "i can just raise my kundilini just a little, then calm back down" But the truth is i KNOW i don't yet have that level of control, it's just that my awareness that I don't just goes out the window, even tho I KNOW it 100% of the rest of the time... okay so anyway...
so it says to start the exchanges you agree that you haven't had an orgasm in 2 weeks or more. okay i checked that. but then a couple weeks in, BAM the addiction strikes and i have a slip. not a relapse, which is different. no porn, no fantasizing at all (which is very refreshing as it cuts out 90% of the guilt), just an orgasm that i can't quite claim is "accidental".
So in that case, do we STOP doing exchanges all together, and just do bonding behavior for 2 weeks, and then start the exchanges over from scratch?
OR, since, according to my partner, it seems i'm unable to "keep my agreement to not have orgasms", do we just say that it is impossible at this time to do the exchanges?
If you want more backstory on me than you probably really need, this is my recovery blog.