Thank you!

Submitted by vitalhealth on
Printer-friendly version

I stumbled across your website the other day and I'm so glad that I did, because it has already changed my life. Reading your forums and insights has been a wake-up call and I'm incredibly grateful for such an amazing resource - thank you!

I'm in my mid-twenties and for as long as I can remember I've masturbated to help me to get to sleep at night. Without psychoanalysing myself too much, it all started when I was sent to boarding school at a really young age, as I learnt, as a coping mechanism that the buzz of orgasm helped me to feel safe at night.

This never really changed upon entering into adult life, as it continued to be a way for me to deal with stress, continuing to masturbate every night to get to sleep. Unfortuantley, as I got older, to keep this going I had to find new ways to reach climax - i.e. pornography, erotic stories, fantasies etc that got more and more disturbing to my 'rational mind' over time. Of course, now I think about it and after reading this site, it sounds exactly like a drug addiction.

After finding this website I've now been cold turkey for a week. To begin with it was really difficult, as I really struggled getting to sleep, but with the help of my girlfriend and a stubbornness to succeed I'm winning through. I'm just amazed at the difference it has made already! I think I'm getting some withdrawal symptoms as I get really intense bouts of irritability, but this is outweighed by everything else - I have so much more energy, I'm less moody, I have more enthusiasm and motivation for work, I don't feel drained all the time and I feel a deeper sense of connection with everything around me.

But the biggest change it has made is in my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been experimenting with the Exchanges and we feel so much closer to each other already. The only thing is that I can feel a real 'charge' of energy building in my body and it's getting a lot harder to resist the old habits - I've been watching movies, reading and browsing this website to help distract me so far.

It's also been a real adjustment for my girlfriend, who has always had a much higher sex drive than me (no surprise there) and she still wants to have sex - I've managed to do this so far without reaching orgasm, but it feels like slippery slope as my girlfriend wears a coil and she really misses feeling me climax.

I really want to keep this going, but how do I accommodate my girlfriend's needs / desires too, as they aren't always going to be the same as mine?

Welcome!

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're having fun with the ideas, and that you've worked out the whole masturbation thing. Who would have thought, eh?

Quite honestly, I don't think you can maintain your equilibrium without the cooperation of your sweetheart. Has she read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow? If not, then the ideas may still sound a bit crazy to her. Wink If so, then I would say that you want to focus on very gentle intercourse, with periods of relaxation when things heat up. It's different, but pleasant.

If she's still pursuing orgasm, would she be willing to try scheduling her (your mutual) orgasms for once every three weeks or so (or less often)? That might help her get a taste of the alternative, so that you can both decide what you prefer. See this man's experience: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1714#comment-5608

Let us know how it goes. You're enabled to blog.