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Submitted by Marnia on
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[From a reader]

I just found your web page and some of the information explains a huge amount about my personal life and sexual satisfaction issues. I am sure it would help my spouse and I but I am not sure I can convince her-any suggestions?

Unwilling wife

Thanks for writing. I wrote my book with recalcitrant spouses in mind, because I had the same you can well imagine! After all, biology has us pretty deeply hypnotized.

If she reads it, she can take her resistance out on the author :) and by the time she gets to Chapter 4, she'll probably be more open to the ideas. At least it will get her thinking about the situation in a new way. It's best if YOU don't try to talk her into it, so it doesn't become a battle of wills.

It's a big change, but with patience it works. Good luck.

Unwilling wife

[from reader]

I have very high hopes for the possible help because so many of the problem cycles described on your web page are issues I have had to own over the years. As a couple we have tried everything from sex addiction/co-dependent counseling and group therapy, twelve step, cognitive therapy, to native healings, but are still caught in this back eddy of highs and devastating lows. I appreciate the fact that you have taken a more mainstream approach to what many have seen as an esoteric practice and put some science to it or for that matter even attempted to make the issue a matter of public discussion. It is somewhat ironic that I am the male who is in the obsession cycle with the old biology and yet am the partner willing to try something very different. Thanks for your efforts in this area.

Unwilling wife

Well, as I'm saying in a talk I'm giving next week (not the national conference of the "Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health," which consists of therapists who deal with sex addiction) "addicts have been the most tyrannized by this weak point in our design" (the reward center/dopamine mechanism). So they are the most motivated to heal, and, if my husband is any example, they also experience the biggest relief from getting off of the neurochemical roller coaster."

Good luck to you. I respect your courage in continuing to look for answers. I'm convinced this is a group project, so please share anything you learn.