Lying in bed together - temptations

Submitted by castaway on
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Hmm....

I'm really curious how You do lay together in bed with Your partner and can manage not being tempted????

It's my 36 day without porn and masturbation, but unfortunattly not from orgasm...I've tried boundings behaviours, sport all that stuf that that is mentioned about on the forum and it works as far as porn and masturbations is concerned. But actually when I'm in bed with my partner it's not possible for me to lie next to her and not to get aroused... I actually do enjoy that moments. As I've I quited orgasm I can really feel her as a person lying next to me. Not that I hadn't felt it like this before, but there where more frequent situations in the past that I felt like demanding for sex... So far on I've seen that feeling of arousal has been changing, it's becoming a gentle adventure.

Anyway, some time ago after 20 days of complete abstinance during the moment of high arousal I convinced my partner to try gentle intercourse. But it wasn't gentle at all and finished with an orgasm... Should U start counting Your 60 day period of withdrowal from the beging in such situations? I know I should stay out of feeling of aurosal at all, and I really try to do so, but sometimes you win sometimes U lose...

How are the others getting on?

CASTaway

similar experience

I've noticed similar things. In the past when I was having conventional sex (i.e. with orgasm) with my wife about once a week, I would often feel strong cravings for sex about four days after the previous orgasm. Those cravings were quite unpleasant - a sort of skin-crawling sensation that would make it hard for me to get to sleep.

In my more recent experience (http://www.reuniting.info/node/3111) where I would lie in bed with my sweetheart (I had not had any orgasms for many months) I had many erections, but they were quite enjoyable. I didn't feel like I had to "do" anything about them.

I wouldn't worry too much about the orgasm you had during intercourse. It was a learning experience. I'll bet you had some cravings for another orgasm a few days later, didn't you? Next time, you'll know not to move so much and get yourself so aroused, if your intent is to avoid orgasm.

I also wouldn't worry about the moderate level of arousal you get from cuddling with your partner, since it doesn't (usually) lead to out-of-control behavior and orgasm.

thanks 4 sharing CF, Your

thanks 4 sharing CF, Your story (http://www.reuniting.info/node/3111) gives me real hope, morover I think I've find out what should I change in my behaviours...

Its really nice when U get rid of that feelin' of neccesity (finally don't feel like have to have sex!), and it's good to learn to accept Your erections (as during first weeks I had digficculties - erection used to be like preparing for intercourse) as they really may be enjoyable...

Comming back to the cravings after orgasm it was actually the most difficult 4me as I had them a few minutes after... Straight after orgasm I had a flash of diffrent porn/masturbation/sex situations. Thats what worried me much but I think I,ve trully understood how strongly orgasm is connected with all that pictures from the past and how important it is to stop it for at least 2 months time.

What's more I think that problem is we don't sleep in pijamas (my sweetheart usually sleeps in sexy petticoat or housecoat ), so during cuddling we feel our naked part of bodies that so easly leads to arusal. So time 4 change I presume :( Pijamas should arrive in our bad.

Thanks for all You advices once again;>

I'm sorry

about the flashbacks. They're very sneaky, eh? It take time to rewire that part of the brain.

Hopefully the pajamas won't be needed for long. Skin-to-skin is such a nice bonding behavior. Smile

Lying in Bed Together - Sexual Touching

My wife and I are fairly new to this and still trying to figure it all out. Although I really like sexual (genital) touching and find that it really leaves me with a warm, delicious feeling, it does increase the chances that we will end up having orgasms or that I will have a serious case of blue balls the next day.

Last night my wife made a point of not having sexual touching and I was a bit disappointed. However, I guess my dopamine levels weren't as spiked because of it. Still having some would be nice, I guess it's a function of where you draw the line.

I think it's fair to say

that you *both* need to have a plan, or you're likely to end up on biology's script. Wink

That's why we found something like the Exchanges useful. They provided some structure. Also, when you first start having intercourse, you might find the scissors position useful. It's described in this presentation: http://www.reuniting.info/download/The%20Hidden%20Factor%20in%20Relation...

Or you can try to find part 5 on this page: http://www.youtube.com/user/healingrelationships#p/u

I wish to practice but I

I wish to practice but I dont have a patner is it possible to do it single?
Secondly I have a problem of premature ejaculation,is there a practical parmanent solution?
Otherwise thanks for this informative site.

Hi zaluh

Not sure what "it" is. Smile We have two main groups of visitors here. Some are single and recovering from too much Internet porn. A period of abstinence sometimes helps then get back in balance.

Some couples are playing around with the practice of karezza, in which orgasm is not the goal: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza

And then there are lots of other people who just like hanging out here and have a lot of ideas of their own. Wink

If you are single, and lucky enough not to be hooked on Internet porn Smile , you may simply need a sweetheart, and a very slow approach to courtship with lots of affectionate touch. Without a slow courtship that makes you feel at ease, quick ejaculation is not unusual. Novel partners are very exciting.

If you want to try a period of abstinence on your own, you could. I'm not sure what it would yield. Have you experimented with any of these practices for drawing your sexual energy upward while you're on your own? Solo Practices
http://www.reuniting.info/node/3299 They might be helpful because they involve arousing yourself and redirecting your desire. That might be good training for when you're with a partner. I don't know.

Let me know if you want to start a blog and I'll enable you.