Hangover Period variables

Submitted by mercury on
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I was wondering what things can affect the length of the hangover period. Can age shorten or lengthen the hangover period? Can a person's sex drive affect the hangover period. Eg, if a person has a high-ish sex drive then could that shorten the hangover period? By sex drive I don't mean a lust based orgasm seeking drive but a spiritual fire urge for union/merging with partner and the Divine.

Hangover Period variables

I hope others will share their experiences, too, but since this is an issue I have spent much of the last 10 years thinking about, I'll share what I've experienced. My remarks are also based on the experiences of others.

I've found that the hangover lasts about two weeks, no matter what. The course of action that helps the most is continuing to spend every night together, and keeping some kind of affectionate exchange going between lovers. This, of course, creates another peril, as often one or both partners will experience intense desire for conventional orgasm from time to time during a hangover. It's helpful, therefore, to be on some type of program (like the Exchanges) during this period and to avoid spontaneous passion. The challenge is that during a hangover, there is also no enthusiasm whatsoever for a structured approach like the Exchanges. Artificiality feels silly and like something no one wants to do while both partners' neurochemistry is off.

The other thing that helps is the knowledge that it will pass, and that it's physical...and not based on dreadful character flaws. :)

Separation (sleeping separately) during a hangover seems to allow distorted projections to mushroom, and can easily lead to damage to the relationship.

I have not found that an intense desire for union of the type you describe will shorten the hangover. I have not even found that a clear understanding of the problem will shorten it. Only genuine caring and regular, generous exchanges of affection seem to help, and they don't so much shorten it as make it easier to bear. Maybe this goes back to the oxytocin-soothes-cravings-and-balances-the-brain mechanism.

Let's see what others have to say.

Hangover period variables

Although I would love to believe that there are techniques or variables that could shorten the length of the hangover period after orgasm, personally I haven't found any. I have found, though, that there are ways to make the hangover slightly less painful, which are related to what was said in the previous post... continuous affection is key, and remembering that it will pass is helpful too. I often try and visualize the charts that Gary uses to show the dopamine patterns after orgasm. If I'm feeling emotionally unbalanced, I just remind myself about what is going on in my brain, and it helps me to keep from directing the blame at my partner (most of the time :wink:).

I have also found it helpful to be sure to take advantage of the times in the hangover period when I'm feeling more loving (not orgasm driven, just more affectionate). Even if we can't feel as close as we would normally would, it is still comforting and healing to express our love through cuddling.

As far as age is concerned, I'm not really sure that being younger plays a role in the length of the hangover. I'm pretty sure that my boyfriend and I are on the younger end of the age spectrum in this forum (he is 23, I am 26), and we still experience the full two weeks, unfortunately. :cry:

I think that it may be possible to successfully manage non-orgasmic sex even while in the hangover period, although, I've never actually experienced it. It seems to me that even if our intentions are loving, when we are coming together from an unbalanced place, the primitive sexual auto-pilot switches on so much faster, and it is much easier to lose focus of our good intentions.