Just to start I've only been in recovery for 4 months and abstinent for the same from all forms of porn, sex, masturbation. During my intensive recovery the notion of healthy sexuality is being introduced as normal and something to work on/toward. The issue is, obviously, that my partner has to be comfortable too. Unfortunately (from my narrow perspective) she is unwilling. Not just unwilling but pretty aggressive about just that. Her counciling may have something to do with it. From my perspective there are two things I see. I have caused great harm during our relationship. However we were still sexually active while I was in my addiction and only she was in her recovery. The other thing I observe is that she has through the entire relationship exibited a sexually anorexic approach. This is for a number of reasons that pre-date our relationship and similar addictions and behaviors have been seen in her life in other ways.
The struggle I'm having is impatience of course. But on the other hand the relationship now, with me working hard on recovery, is perfect for her. All the things she wants in a relationship with the safety of no sex. Now I realize that it may not go on this way forever. I know it will go on for today, that's for sure. And I'm unhappy about this. Trying to release resentment, keep away from self-serving things (like sex!), etc. But I'm not a dumb guy. And I don't like games. I guess they say when you start recovery to get a period of abstinence. Which I shared with my wife to get her blessing. So it sounds like she has embarked on her own quest for abstinence without discussing with me any of her goals or timeframes. I'm not saying I can't wait a while, but my addict doesn't like it. And from what I'm being trained to live like, normal people don't live that way either.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not sure I can keep the resentment of this out of balance situation away from my emotions. I know none of this is good for me, but I feel my sobriety is at risk in this situation. I've left out a mountain of detail on purpose, but you get the idea.