mastubating addiction because of wife

Submitted by helpmeplease on
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Hello I have problems with mastubating.

Usually I did mastubate up to 13 times per day while watching movies if it is not a working day. And usually the porn is with man and woman but sometimes with animals as well. I think there was an escalation. And sometimes I did experiment with removal of oxygen during ejaculation because of very good feelings. But not all the time.

My wife did find out because I have spend many Euro on movies and she is not happy but she is also not pretty. She does not like me to penetrate unless it is a holiday because her head has aching usually, or some other reasons. I do not want an angry wife but, I am not sure she is honest about the reasons for not wanting to have sex. I think it is a deception.

I did want to see another lady who was interested in sex with me, but I think it is more dangerous than mastubating due to health risks of sex. And, my wife could not be informed, as well.

Is my mastubating a problem, and, what is the best strategy to stop mastubating safely instead of all at once. I mean, what is the best way to stop in graduation. Also I do not speak English as the first language so please have some understanding.

Thank You

Others will come along

but I'll throw out my thoughts briefly. Ask if you don't understand due to using words your not familiar with.

I think there are some basic steps you'll need to take.

1. Desire to change. You already have some of that or you probably wouldn't be here asking. But, it goes deeper. It is one thing to know you should, another to really desire it, to actually want it as bad as you might want that next orgasm.

2. Commit to the process. No matter how many times you slip up and do it, determine to get back on the path to freedom from orgasm's control over you. What is happening is you are trying to change the channels in your brain that have been cut with frequent dopamine identifying this activity and experience as desirable, and your rational brain agrees and returns with a desire. As that happens over and over again, it is like a dog that is trained by expecting a reward each time he does something. After a while, you can take the reward away, but he will continue to do the behavior, expecting the reward because his brain has associated that behavior with a reward and the dopamine in his brain floods to the rational brain "Here it comes, get ready!" and the rational brain says, "Yes, let's do this!"

So it will take time to break this habit and there will be withdrawal as there is when you are addicted to anything. So expect it, and if you slip up, get back up and go again. As you go longer and longer between masturbation, the addictive pattern gets broken, and at some point you can actually rewire the brain so that you no longer associate reward with the activity, and it's pull on you is only when your body gets flooded with testostrone, not simply because your brain says, "More, more, more, more, more...."

And that's it. Have a desire to do it, and then stick to abstaining. It might take you more than a year or two of working on it. But, take it one day at a time, and start. And if you fall off, get back up and start again. If you're committed, you'll keep at it until you break it or it breaks you. It becomes a battle of the wills, and whether you will allow it to win and control you or not.

It's up to you.

And read up on the site here. It helps to understand why these feelings happen, and how they are destructive to our relationships, and the science behind it.


Thank you

I am reading about the science on the website, because, for one reason I want to show my wife. And maybe with science she will be convinced to understand why the money has been spent.

And I also want to educate myself, so that I can avoid the masturbating and other problems in the future as well.

Hi Help

Thanks for making the effort necessary to write in English.

People have a lot of good reasons for using porn. It's too bad that it tends to lead to escalation and increased dissatisfaction. Otherwise, it would be really convenient. Smile

Cole has given you good advice. You might also want to read the wiki articles about porn recovery. See link at top right of the site's frame.

I'd like to talk about how you reconnect with your wife in a way that can leave you both feeling more satisfied. You have a way to "talk" to the primitive part of your brain...where bonding occurs (or unravels...). Here's an article about how to do this: "The Lazy Way to Stay in Love"

In my experience, if you work on this angle...daily...while you also rebalance your cravings by giving up porn/ may be surprised at how much better you and your wife look to each other after a fairly short time. I hope she's open to trying something different. You'll see the results best if you can engage in the behaviors for at least three weeks. There's even a way to include intercourse, but we can go into that later.

You are a brave man for considering some changes. There's little to lose, from the sound of it. You've already seen that your dissatisfaction is just going to get worse, and push you toward acting on your hunger. That's normal, I'm afraid.

Feel free to start your own blog, if you like.