Basically, i started watching porn when i was about 14, (i'm now 21). Just the usual stuff, no harm done, right? Wrong. It's not like i spent hours at a time with porn, but i would watch it alt least once a day. anyway my habit quickly escalated, as the normal porn just wouldn't do it for me. I moved onto more extreme porn like shemales and rape fantasy, even though i would never dream of doing any of these things. It was just such a taboo and so against my morals that it gave me a kind of adrenanline type buzz or something.
After a while even this more extreme type of porn was not enough for me and alas, something i regret so deeply, i discovered "barely legal":
18 year olds look much younger than they are and are dressed to look young aswell. again this was so against my morals that the whole taboo thing happened again. I would fantasize that these girls were underage and masturbate to the pictures.
This went on for about a year and a half until, it seemed, i just snapped out of it. I realiseed i had problem andafter doing sme searching came by this site. I never even realised that you could get addicted to porn, and the escalation part, completely matches up with what i went through.
For the past few years i have been having problems maintaining an erection when i'm with a woman, i think this may be because ive desensitized myself with all this filth and these bad thoughts. Can this be undone?
I have now not looked at any type of porn for 2 weeks, however i did masturbate a week ago. so i'm counting it as 1 week. I just want to get these horrible memories out of my head. I know a lot of peoiple will consider me a monster and i understand that, i've been calling myself that for a while. but i do hope that someone will understand.
the shame i feel at the moment is very intense, 24 hours a day. but i think that maybe this is a step in the right direction as it will stoip me from doing it again.
Your opinions would be helpful, even if it is just that i should burn in hell :@