Can biology make sense of this? (Partner turns cold)

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on
Printer-friendly version

I am a med student and am fascinated by this new research and its implications...but after all the success I have had in relationships, I finally have found myself in quite the predicament. About three months ago, I began dating my boss at work, which is a bar in a college town. He graduated 2 years ago (he is 25, I am almost 23), so it's not like our lives are on that different of pages despite a few years age gap. Anyway, he has had a crush on me for years (which I had no idea about until we started dating), and after working there for almost a year, I realized I had developed a crush on him as well. So we started hanging out, and it was going great. I was praciticing the no-orgasm theory with him, and it took over a month of this before I actually let him orgasm, and then another two weeks until we had sex. We had sex about 2-3 times a week for almost three weeks, and then all of a sudden, in a matter of a DAY, LITERALLY, he started to act withdrawn. Call it female intuition, but I knew immediately something was wrong, even though he wasn't acting obviously different. Still, I didn't want to press the issue. We were hanging out for the next few days, outside of work, but I could tell something was on his mind. After about four days of this behavior, he finally brought up the issue...IN THE MIDDLE OF FOREPLAY! So, this is what he tells me: he's just trying to figure out who he is and where he wants to go in life, etc., and that he can't do that while being committed to someone, which I guess does make some sense. BUT, he knew that I don't take sex lightly, and that if I do make that step, then my partner has to be monogomous and committed. So WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK? And , during the entire time, he was pursuing me- calling me, initiating dates, going out of his way to do nice things for me, etc, so how/why could he not say anything for a few weeks, even after/during the sex, and while I'm thinking that things are going great?! I have never been in a situation even remotely close to this, nor have I ever dealt with a friend in this kind of situation, so I am baffled. I really like the guy, and I want to be with him, but is it hopeless/pointless? Also, I think that there's another factor, even though he denies it has anything to do with it: he has this ex-girlfriend... they were together for over 3 years, and broke up last it's been awhile since they broke up and he seemed to be completely content with it (he broke up with her eventually, but she cheated on him with a bunch of guys about 2 yrs into the relationship...), but I found out from his best friend that she recently told 'my guy' that she was seeing someone (for the first time since they broke up) and his best friend thinks that this has a large part to do with what is going on between 'my guy' and I.