No hangover for couples in love?

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I believe she wrote in her book (and it has been many people's experience) that when a couple is in love they either don't experience the hangover or don't notice it. Still, she wrote So the principles outlined in "Peace" shouldn't be applied in a new relationship but later, right? If things always went downhill after consummating a new relationship I don't believe people would get together. Also if there was a way to remain in love there may not be any problems. Marnia, have all your relationships hit the skids shortly after the first night? I hope not. She wrote she really hit it off with a guy she met through a psycic and things went downhill after they had sex, I wonder how long they knew each other before. Also she said she adored her first husband untill they had been married awhile- looks like it was different! I wonder why?

No hangover for couples in love?

The examples in my book were given by way of illustration to demonstrate a common pattern. The fact that so many people nod in agreement when they read it shows that my experiences were not unusual.

You would like details to prove to yourself that each such experience could be explained on the basis of other factors. I think that as you go forward in your life and intimate relationships you will discover that this type of logic will not explain away the pattern. You are up against a biological program designed to bond you briefly with lots of fireworks, and then separate you. It operates on different time schedules with different couples, but it is surprisingly consistent...particularly after marriage, when both partners find themselves TIED to someone they perceive as "draining and irritating" because of the effects of the addictive (high/low) cycle of conventional sex. The schedule of separation varies from couple to couple in part because people take different amounts of time to project their distress onto each other. (They may project their discomfort onto their jobs, their kids, their in-laws, their financial struggles, etc, for a while, but eventually....)

A strong emotional bond, formed before sex occurs, can help create more of that critical sister/brother mutual respect in a relationship and help with bonding. But that alone will not prevent the deterioration that I write about, and which careful observers, such as the Chinese Taoists, have noticed for years. Even if the couple stays trusted friends, they often notice that the romantic attraction between them deteriorates.

The best solution--if you would keep your relationship sane and loving, which improves your health and increases your longevity--seems to be to outsmart biology. This is the way to "remain in love," just as you suggest. Biology does not want you to "remain in love," and this is the point that it's hard for us romantics to integrate.

None of us convert to this idea over night. I certainly didn't. Just see what happens in your love life as you go forward. Hopefully my book will make your learning curve shorter than mine was.