Yesterday was day 12 of my experiment of not masturbating and not viewing pornography.
Then I had a wet dream last night. I've been trying to do three weeks of no porn and no masturbation since September. Since taking up the experiment, I've been having a few wet dreams here and there, which was a surprise for me because I thought guys stopped having wet dreams after puberty.
Also, since taking up the experiment, I haven't been able to make it to three weeks yet. I'll go a week, then give in and masturbate to porn. Then maybe another week, then give in. Then maybe two weeks, then give in. I believe the closest I got was when I went two weeks and four days.
I'm a bit disappointed to admit that this time around has been no exception. I woke up in the middle of the night last night to see I'd had a wet dream, then I went back to sleep. Then, when I woke up this morning, I started craving masturbation and porn because I felt as though I missed out on an orgasm (I was unconscious when it happened), and I wanted to be there and conscious to enjoy it.
As some of you may know, I was tempted to watch Christina Aguilera's new video because it supposedly had a lesbian bondage theme to it (I have a fetish for bondage, particularly lesbian bondage).
Marnia gave good advice by saying that "once I've seen one, I've seen them all," as in watching this hot video would be no different from all the other hot lesbian bondage themed videos I watch because they both lead to the same sense of dissatisfaction at the end. And she said I should "fastforward past the buzz and think about the feeling of disappointment that would follow."
Great advice. Made a lot of sense to me. Yet I still couldn't resist. I checked out the video, and it was exactly as I expected. Salacious lesbian bondage, but a lot more high budget than what I'm used to watching. I was so turned on that I could have masturbated right away, but I wanted to make the buzz last, so then I searched a few more videos and images of lesbian bondage (cheaper in budget). And then I masturbated.
Almost immediately afterwards, I felt disappointed. It was like I "came to." It felt like I had been in an altered state of consciousness where I couldn't control myself, and then I was suddenly myself again, wondering why my pants were down, haha.
But, anyway, this forum has taught me that it's not healthy to feel guilt about your relapses. But I am a bit disappointed that I haven't been able to break this cycle of going a while without masturbating and porn, and then giving in. And I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or encouragement of how I can break this cycle and make it to my three-week goal?
Though I can see why this week was especially difficult. The universe kinda just sprung the Christina Aguilera thing on me. Every music web site I went to---whether it was music blogs or billboard.com--was hyping up her new video for its "risque" content. And since my fetish is often stigmatized, it's exciting for me when mainstream culture seems to embrace it.
Not making excuses, just trying to not feel too guilty and ashamed.
Good luck in your endeavours.
Ralph (fake name).