benefits or boring

Submitted by hermes on
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I was wondering if there are any people that have gone through the exchanges and have gone for a period of a couple of months without orgasm and have not noticed the benefits as mentioned in Peace.

My wife and I have gone through the exchanges and she doesn't feel like she's benefited at all from them. She's a fairly skeptical person when it comes to anything of a spiritual nature and I don't feel like she really put in a lot of energy when doing the exchanges. She says that she found them boring and also finds sex with no orgasm boring. Is this sort of thing common? Have others come across this. I personally feel a difference and want to continue but it's not easy when my wife isn't that interested in doing them.

benefits or boring

Did your wife read the book before starting the Exchanges? Without that step, the whole exercise DOES seem pointless. You have to be motivated and know why you're (not) doing what you're not doing.

benefits or boring

I think it is definitely important that both partners fully understand why they are practicing the exchanges as well.
For me personally, just avoiding orgasm makes a drastic difference in my sense of well being. But I know that some people may handle the orgasm hangover better than I do, without the extreme emotional ups and downs. But, what I've found that makes the biggest positive impact on how I'm feeling is really giving of myself to my partner, or anyone else around me. And honestly, its taken me a really long time to fully understand this. So patience is really important.
Also, I think the exchanges are really about sharing quality time together and giving to one another. And there are many creative ways to do that beyond whats mentioned in "Peace". Maybe you can find some different activities that are more exciting to your wife, and she will gain more interest in the practice. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck Wink

benefits or boring

Lemniscate wrote:
Did your wife read the book before starting the Exchanges? Without that step, the whole exercise DOES seem pointless. You have to be motivated and know why you're (not) doing what you're not doing.

Yes she read the book so she understood the why and how of the exchanges before we started them. From what I've observed in the past she didn't seem to suffer from a hangover period after orgasm. Which in a way can be unfortunate because she doesn't see the point in doing the exchanges so much since there's been no dramatic difference. On the other hand it can be difficult to know how much of a hangover she felt as she tends to internalise her emotions a bit and so it may not be obvious to me but that doesn't mean that she's not feeling certain emotions (hangover).

benefits or boring

Hmmmmm...a classic case of "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," huh?

Sometimes the most convincing lesson is just giving the person exactly what they want, and then letting them watch the results over the next two weeks or so. What does your inner guidance say?

benefits or boring

I actually don't want to go back to regular orgasm sex in the hope that she'll be convinced of a difference. I tend to think she would just say great and get on with it. I'm hoping that gradually over time doing the exchanges her body/mind may change a bit, such that she'll start feeling and noticing more of a difference and maybe start looking forward to them. That's what I'm hoping for, but if it doesn't really work over time then I may have to resort to the method you prescribed hopefully she'll be able to compare the results of both ways.
I feel that she does the exchanges with me now to please me because she sees how much happier and balanced I am, but it would be great if she did them because it's also something she wants to do and gets benefit from.