A couple of observations

Submitted by SportsGuy2259 on
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Just wanted to comment. One of my main goals in this whole process was to regain sex drive toward real women. About 14 months ago i found myself not being able to perform and wondering why, i came across porn addiction. I have had my struggles. Throughout that period until april i went through ups and downs. At one point i had limited my MB with porn to about 3 times a week, from about 15. I was then able to have sex again with this girl i was then seeing, i thought things were ok. However i found myself not enjoying the sex, afterward i would always want to MB, cause to me it was just more exciting and fun. Thats when it hit me this thing was bigger than i thought, i actually prefered MB to real women.

So i have been clean now for the last 6 weeks. No porn, one or two dream o's, and i did MB twice with no fantasy or anything. The biggest thing i have noticed, i really don't have the urge to MB anymore. Its one of the coolest things ever. I feel like i have broken through. I don't even think of it anymore. When i used to come home from work, first inclination would be to MB. When i used to feel depressed, first thing i would turn to would be to MB to feel good, when i would maybe have a couple beers, first thing id wanna do at home is MB with porn. I don't feel this way anymore, when the urges come up i can quickly fight them off. I believe MB controled me, but now i control it. Its power over me has weakened significantly. Things still do trigger me to want to MB again, but again their easier to stop. And i believe things will get even better.

What i have learned, its not about just stopping MB, its about changing your lifestyle. Once you go along time without something, your body gets used to not needing it. Thats why i guess the first couple weeks are the toughest, as said on here its about breaking that cycle of addiction. Its funny i had a friend of mine tell me he was MB using porn only about 4 times a week, and he was losing desire for his partner. So he stopped doing it and things turned back to normal. Then i thought of me doing it like 15 times a week, and it just wasnt good.

So what am i trying to say, things do get easier. They really do. My next step is to find a girlfriend. I'm hoping when i do and we do decide to have intercourse that once again its fun. I know i'll still be a little nervous, but i'm very optimistic. We'll see how things go.

This is really what I needed to hear.

With only two weeks and a few days I'll get over come when I least expect it by a wave of desire...my whole system is anticipating me going home and "MB'ing" (wow new lingo!) Anyway it's been long enough that I know whatever happens if I stay on the path I *can* control it. What you wrote about experiencing, being truly free from it...that's what I want. I also feel like it will help me with real life relationships with women...as a man single for almost two years it has taken some time for me to admit the scale and size of my addiction how MB'ing became a crutch and substitute for real relationships.

It's nice to have a little optimism about kicking this thing when for so long I have had a lot of despair that I couldn't.

Great

That's excellent progress! I've have a similar story with similar results. The urge to MB has not present at all during the last 6 days, which has been alcohol/drug/junk food free. Tomorrow will be interesting. }:)

Now to find a girlfriend. Plenty of fish has been disappointing so far, but I'll keep trying.

just wanted to add.....

Right now things are a little weird for me. First off the urge to MB is still gone. I still don't need it. However i'm still trying to regain my sex drive toward real women, sometimes its their, and sometimes it just doesn't seem to be. I think a huge problem has been sexual fantasy. Its been a little bit difficult to control. I feel things are getting their but their not quite all the way their.

For example a few months back i stopped for two weeks, everything, MB, Porn and fantasy. I stopped everything, even looking at women. After that two weeks things were great, i could get aroused so easily by just the sight of a women.

Right now i feel somewhere in the middle, i feel like at times i get these temporary bursts of energy toward real women, however others i don't seem to. I think again is alot of the time during the day i spend fantasizing. i think because of that i kind of forced myself to hit a plateu. I feel if i could just stop fantasizing for even just a week again that things will get even better. The positive is that the urge to MB isn't their, so that temptation isn't a problem. So all i gotta do is control my mind.

'll see where things go........

I remember reading

a book by tantra guy, Barry Long. He said "normal" sexual response is to get an erection when there's a lover in front of you. And that our usual over-heated state is not normal.

I say that not because I know if it's right, but just to reassure you that you may be closer to normal than you think. Any cute females you could actually ask out to test the theory? Wink

yes.....

Their definetely are some potential candidates. However there has always been that thing in the back of my head, that if we do something in a sexual manner (even eventually after getting comfortable) that i don't want to dissapoint and mess things up, and this is all because i messed up once or twice do to overly using P and MB. Not only was i not mentally aroused, but physically it was tough to match up to the handgrip i got accoustomed to.

Through my recovery of many months i've actually had intercourse once or twice, however like i mentioned once i still prefered MB to real sex after i was done. This was alarming.

Now however for the first time i don't have the urge to MB, i can control those urges. I'm kind of starting to think what you just referenced. That maybe i don't need to be "horny" all the time. That by avoiding MB i'm harnessing my sexual energy, training my mind and my body to not just get aroused by every little thing. However when the time comes i'll be perfectly fine, and sex will once again be fun.