24 Hour Blue Balls!

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Submitted by Dano_Clarke on
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I'm new to this website and especially new to abstinence for the purpose of achieving sexual balance. I'm really thankful this forum exists and I've purchased "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" and am making my way through it. I'm happy because I didn't think it was possible to go without masturbating and orgasming (with or without porn) for this long. I'm 33 and I've struggled with porn for 3 years and have "quit" more times than I can remember. I'm glad to know that this is a common experience for people who want to rid themselves of porn.

Today I am writing because I still dating women. I've been seeing a great girl for a couple weeks and we make out at the end of our dates. Last night we kissed and held each other for maybe a half hour and I involuntarily achieved erection (everything seems to still be working down there.) Problem is I've probably had blue balls for 24 hours now! Haha I can laugh about it even as I experience it. This experience has taught me that I can overcome any obstacle in this endeavor, even real, long term discomfort.

Normally, getting back from a date like this the answer would be simple: fire up the computer, hunt for some porn, get off and go to bed. This time I just went to bed. I think I'm still in a state of heightened arousal and that's the cause of this. It was a warm day on the East Coast and a lot of revealing clothing was worn by some really attractive "novel mates."

I noticed that I was "looking" at women more today and probably flirting more. I also routinely surf dating websites and subscribe to at least one of them and I've identified this behavior in the past as a trigger for wanting to watch porn. Yet I still want to find someone to have a real relationship with so I rationalize using the websites to do that rather than simply find someone to have sex with.

I looked up the Wikipedia entrance on Blue Balls:

"The easiest way to relieve the symptoms of blue balls is ejaculating. The resultant ejaculation jump-starts the sympathetic nervous system, which increases blood flow through the penis area, dissipating the fluid buildup. Even without orgasm, the symptoms of blue balls usually subside within an hour of onset, but they can also last much longer, up to 12 hours or longer in men older than 40."

Clearly, after making it without orgasm for two weeks masturbating to orgasm without porn is out of the question. I'm really trying to make it at least six weeks you know, trying to take the cure. It's not unbearable just uncomfortable and I know I'll calm down sooner or later, I won't see that woman for at least another week...unless I find someone else in between.

Thanks to anyone who reads this and comments. I feel a lot better just telling anyone what I'm going through.

-Dano - definitely not my real name Wink

Hi Dano

I once gave Gary blue balls when we first got together (showing off some of my great foreplay skills from pre-karezza days). Blush He decided to "tough it out" since we were trying karezza. The pain actually lasted a couple of days as I recall. But it did go away without ejaculation.

I'm not saying what the right answer is, just sharing a bit of trivia.

I'll enable you to blog in case you want to start a thread of your own.

Welcome, Dano

Yep, kicking an addiction isn't an easy thing to do, but doable if you stick to it and don't let "throws" keep you from getting back on the horse. Persistence will win the day.

Ive experienced major blue

Ive experienced major blue balls every time I reach the two week mark. Its like clockwork. But it always goes away, but it feels painful at the time. Constant sexual fantasy and triggers definitely adds pressure, but thats just going to happen while making out.

"I also routinely surf dating websites and subscribe to at least one of them and I've identified this behavior in the past as a trigger for wanting to watch porn."

Ive found the same was true for me too. It could be the clicking through novel mates aspect or there might be deeper feelings of insufficiency and longing. It was both in my experience and both get in the way of recovery.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

Another remedy!

I’ve had blue balls many times, it’s usually from getting too many erections and no masturbation. Giving ones self a massage gingerly on the scrotum can alleviate some of the discomfort. Masturbation is the instant relief method, and when one is abstinent, then that method is a confliction with the practice of being pure. If you want to stop getting blue balls, then keep your thoughts pure, and don’t allow massive amounts of blood to rush to your penis! That makes it hard, think flaccid thoughts if you will. Blue ball pain goes away eventually regardless if one masturbates to ejaculation, or messages their nuts. Wink

All life is sorrowful and the world is an ever burning fire, so enjoy the stately dance of the mystic bliss beyond pain, for that is at the heart of every mythic rite.

Thank you all

Things are a bit better today. @JRsun76 this really connected with me and I need to explore this further in my recovery: "It could be the clicking through novel mates aspect or there might be deeper feelings of insufficiency and longing. It was both in my experience and both get in the way of recovery."

As I "get better" I further understand that these "deeper feelings of insufficiency and longing" have been with me a long time and will not be turned away over night. I really feel like kicking porn/orgasm addiction is like a level up in the process of maturity, that things I didn't understand in my own behavior are starting to make sense in light of the research that Marnia and others have made available to the masses.

I look forward to participating in discussions and writing some more over the next few months of no orgasm. hahaha That's how I'm thinking now..."months of no orgasm - are you kidding me?" I'm still trying to date women and I may even have a sexual opportunity or two. I believe this is all (chasing women) wrapped up with behaviors I engage in to try to satisfy (at least temporarily) those feelings of insufficiency/longing.

On the other hand,

maybe the vast majority of us are really not cut out for celibacy or lots of isolation in front of computers. Most of you know my song by now, "Humans are tribal, pair bonding primates...with the brains that reward us for socializing and falling in love (at least for a while :-)."

If you read Addiction as an Attachment Disorder (Flores), you'll see a good collection of scientific support for the idea that humans don't do a good job of regulating their moods while on their own. This is why solitary confinement was so dreaded. People can go nuts when they get stuck in a forest of their own projections, without the balancing influence of their tribemates/mates. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense evolutionarily. We had to "need" our tribes at a limbic brain (emotional) level, or we were much less likely to survive.

So there may be *nothing* wrong with you that reconnecting with others in a more satisfying way won't solve. The biggest hurdle may be the silly "myth of self-sufficiency" propounded by our culture these days.

Or to put it differently...no wonder porn couldn't fulfill anyone's needs for long. Smile

Isolation and it's role in addiction

I'm still new to your ideas so your song is still a pretty melody and it helps me understand whats going on. It makes so much sense and I have believed this for some time as well. There are things "propounded by our culture" that one has little control over. I'd like to write and research more into that aspect of things the political/economic/cultural reasons for porn's meteoric rise to prominence in our society.

Isolation is a bad place to be and it does breed secret addictions. Mine are pretty easily summed up as the three P's: Porn, Pot and Pabst. I still haven't figured out a "p" for high calorie low, nutrient food but as I became vegan about a year and a half ago and I'm in pretty good health I'll worry about the first three for now.

It is so liberating to hear your simple words of encouragement that this isolation issue has really got me thinking about how I interact with people, open up to people (or don't open up.) I've been avoiding finding any kinds of meetings to discuss compulsive porn use. I've soft-pedaled and told a few friends about my problem with porn but most people aren't questioning this behavior right now because it's so mainstream. I'm going to get that book and check out some of the research.

How ironic is it that I'm coming home to my computer by myself to read the words of a friendly stranger explain that isolation itself could be a big factor with the problems I face! "Innocence to the rescue" here too though... nobody asked to be born into a culture with it's "myths of self sufficiency" and it's "rugged individualists" (ha ha I envision that propaganda of Reagan riding the white horse with a cowboy hat...but that's just me.) Thanks for the kind words.

Dano Horatio Clarke (a fun pseudonym)

It does make

a lot of sense, huh? And the beauty of it is that you can test the theory yourself by connecting with others.

If you want to branch out, there's a list of ideas in the forum, thoughtfully prepared by Amari: http://www.reuniting.info/node/2446 Meanwhile, also see: http://www.reuniting.info/node/2058

Men are brilliant problem solvers, so it's not surprising that many of you are attempting to take the shortest distance between two points. Smile

PS I'm goofy about your pup pic.

Dating websites

I've discovered a correlation between blue balls and surfing dating websites/emailing women. Uggh blue balls again. I'm not even getting any kind of erection from the websites but something my body is doing is just getting ready or anticipating masturbation or sex. Urges to masturbate are still around but now that I'm coming up on 3 weeks of no orgasm it is easier to resist, but I know it could be easier still. I have been social this weekend and it has allowed me to have some relief.

Only time I get hard anymore is when I'm asleep (or making out, see above!) and if I wake up and become aware of it I can make it go away through using the visualization technique of imagining myself doing something completely unrelated to sex. BTW I realize that I haven't gone this long without an orgasm since I was a young lad. That in itself feels like a major milestone and I'm grateful to this free web forum for allowing me to share my thoughts and ideas when this topic is so taboo and hard to discuss with other people. I'm going out with friends tonight so I know this mild discomfort will go away again just like it did last week.

@Marnia - thanks I love that dog I share a place and we all walk her and it's very therapeutic. I took that photo with my cell phone after throwing around the tennis ball. Sooo cute!

Frankly,

it doesn't sound like you'll be on your own for very long. Sounds like you're finding your experiment satisfying, even if it has its challenging moments.

About the pup, I thought she might be a "steal" from the Web. It's great to know she's one of your personal acquaintances. Smile

massage

hello

massaging the perineum i believe can help with blueballs...

i think i read that after wondering why the hell my balls hurt so much after masturbating for hours (leading to an orgasm). reading up on it, i found that even with an orgasm, if you've been at it a long time, there can still be a build up, so just giving your perineum (area at the base of your scrotum basically) a massage can help alleviate the pressure.

hope it helps.

hadenough

Blue Balls

HI I'm Paul 23 yo - bisexual - Just joined this forum - this thread interests me..

First a bit of my history...
I sort of discovered edging @ about 16 yo - by accident really - Prior to that JO sessions with buddies were about who could cum first. My first sex experience with GF I came too soon, so learning how to control became a priority. Nowadays I edge most days for between 20 mins - 1hr. Also I let semen build up & only cum every 3-4 weeks - my longest was 9 weeks

After the first week its an amazing feeling being so sexually charged up all the time. Takes a lot of willpower to concentrate on other things. Around 10 days or so the blue balls start & it does get really hard to concentrate. I find a gental massage of the scrotum & balls helps immensly.

I find that lying down conciously meditating on the feeling is good, for a short while. But Ultimatly though its just willpower I'm afraid - Just do something else - Pain is all in the mind & all that! Tough it out...

I'm quite into self denial & tests of willpower anyway & I'm convinced its worth the short term pain for a long term pleasure. I'm a bit into pain anyway - LOL - I sort of enjoy the challenge! And the spiritual satisfaction of self mastery is awesome.

No dude.

It's just an uncomfortable feeling. When you withdraw from PMO you will experience it sooner or later. I notice it more when I am alone surfing the web or especially on dating websites...anticipating potential sex partners. These days exercise and interacting with others are a good remedy for "blue balls" or vasocongestion - the medical term for it. I find that if I'm involved in some activity I don't notice any discomfort in my crotch. My theory is that blue balls show up when you are anticipating an orgasm, or have become horny, even mildly so and without really trying to get in the mood. I think it is related to how sensitive the brain is to sexual stimuli early on in the PMO withdrawal process.

This thread was my first post on Reuniting, over a year ago now. It gets bumped from time to time by people who do a search for blue balls.

^Me too. It's actually quite

[quote=rak173]Just wondering (not trolling)![/quote]

^Me too. It's actually quite hard determining the colour of balls, I just looked down at my own and currently they're an angry, off-pink colour. Tomorrow, I'm sure they'll be that familiar oilve/fleshy/browny tone(???) You never can tell with balls, they make up their own laws when it comes to hue.

Myself, I haven't had 'blue balls' (yet) but the 'channels' in my groin directly to the sides of both my balls ache *terribly* when I haven't ejaculated for 3/4 weeks, possibly a precursor???

lol

I think the phrase just refers to the fact that it is kind of painful to experience it, not how they actually look.

:)

It really hurts like hell. I also had that blue balls when my x-gf and I were fooling around. She was jacking me off and when I am about to finish, her brother knocked and my suffering began. Man, I can't even remember how I quickly put on my pants. LOL. There's a site that my friend recommended that I think will give us a chance to change all these painful ordeal.