Developing a Sacred Marriage

Submitted by Deez on
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Hello Reuniting! It's been a long time since I've been here and I'm happy to say that my return is willing and happy. After a major hiccup last spring, my wife and I have been walking our path together again for a year. Although we both wanted to mature our sexuality, it hasn't happened at all. Mostlly due to my own cycle of desire. It's really crazy. I could say one thing, believe that abstinance was worth serious inquiry, but when things heated up in the slightest, I would throw all high notions out the window and just wallow in indulgence and pleasure. What can I say? I'm a fully-functioning, highly-programmed male robot.

But ever since being on this site and learning the things I've learned, I've put a microscope to myself and have seen the constant demons that I'm living with. So I pushed forward and went for it. I've just passed the 3 week mark with no orgasm of any kind. And it was easy, mostly because I'm working very hard at the moment and don't have much energy for much else, but it doesn't matter. I feel great, as if I'm approaching an innocence I'd forsaken a long time ago. Our relationship is going great, and indeed it does feel easier to be in love. It's playful and light.

I do seek advice and/or commentary if you're up for it. Agression. Man, o man, sometimes I feel like I could flip out. I never do, but seriously, there's this agressive edge to me that, I think, constant orgasm had dulled. Any thoughts, tips, hints?

I've been 'canceling' all the sexual thoughts that come up and am surprised at my objectifiying nature. I mean, it had become so easy for me to see women as only means to male pleasure. I'm a bit ashamed, and feeling very unhuman. Any experience with that?

Like I've said, I've gone 3 weeks. She's happy, I'm happy. And I guess, we'll keep going this way for a bit longer and see what happens.

Love and Light!

Deez

Great to hear from you, Deez

I'm glad you're still together.

I can't tell you how many times I took that same detour after deciding that I really wanted to see what would happen if I didn't. Wink Our brains don't like it when we get funny ideas about avoiding fertilization behavior. But they also don't know how to keep themselves in balance very well.

Glad you're still playing around with the ideas, and seeing some benefits. Others here have also noticed that as they come off their "drug" they have to deal with intense emotions. My thought is that as your brain finds a new balance with less frequent orgasm you'll notice your emotions settle down gradually, too.

Are you meditating daily? That can help a lot. So can vigorous exercise. Check out the new "Wiki" page (upper right), for meditations and much more.

Let us know what works best for you.

*big hug*

Thanks Marnia

...you've had a big impact on our lives and I very much appreciate your passionate work.

I am moving towards daily meditation, but right now, it's a bit less. We'll see how it goes. More exercise too as the summer months come on.

Love and Light!

Wow..

...things are really heating up now. It's nearly a month since the big O and parts of me are doing anything they can to get me to just start down that pathway. Showering is an especially dangerous occasion. Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm a little concerned about laying in bed with my wife. Normally we like to sleep late and enjoy the morning intimacy. There are so many rationalizations right now about why orgasm isn't only natural, it's the right thing to do. Really starting to go crazy here!

We found

it helped to have a definite plan in mind during intimacy. Have you tried lying still connected? Sounds like "it's all over" if you go near the edge. Wink

Remember, every experiment provides useful information.

If...

...I get near the edge, I'll happily jump right off! I'm doing all I can to keep myself away from that familiar precipice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

Today we had a bit of an explosion, a near crisis. 2 days ago, my wife wanted to make love and I pulled her in close and told her that I didn't want to, that I thought it was best for me to wait a bit longer. She was fine with that, but I could feel her frustration. Then today, she told me she's having doubts again. I asked for how long and she said 2 days. Coincidence? Is this a normal reaction to no-orgasm? Here's what I think happened and I think this because I've thought it. My body and my mind (or most of it) really want to have an orgasm, and if I'm not careful, I'm liable to wander down a road that will have me convinced that it's my wife's fault that I'm not having orgasms and should look around for others. Does that make sense or am I wish-fulfilling? I wonder if this will lessen overtime? We've considered making love in the traditional way again (tomorrow is 1 month of abstinence), and then re-continue with our abstinence, this time trying for 6-8 weeks. Kinda like building up a tolerance, you know? What do you think?

Hotspring, I've definitely got some creative projects and am focusing my energy there. It is stubborn energy, though.

I think

you should do whatever you two agree on, consciously, then see where it leads. Force won't show you what's right for you. Experience will.

BTW, have you tried connecting and lying still, just letting the energy rise and fall? Even if you decide you want to orgasm, you could start with that, just to see how it goes.

Have fun! Smile

It was different..

...a lot different. Perhaps I'm speaking too soon, but I feel very different. I feel differently about making love, it's subtle and silent, something that it is special. I am understanding, only beginning for sure, the idea of in-the-moment-with-nowhere-to-go love-making. We're feeling good, open communication and committed to doing more of the Exchanges. Thanks! Hope you all have a great Sunday!

Yeah,

it was very special, and very different. I really feel like I'm in a transition right now. Seeing sex and 'sexy' women to sell things or entice me in ads and on the internet is really turning my stomach right now. It's so immature!!

And so

triggering - for so many. Very unfair tactic, but I don't think we can change it. All we can hope to do is strengthen ourselves from within so we see through the manipulation better.