Submitted by Lolita on
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My beloved soul mate has a penis injury that is quite debilitating. The inner balloon structure fractured years ago and instead of getting a normal erection, it swells at the base and can be easily bent during penetration and intercourse, which is also very painful for him. He has developed a kind of fear of sexual arousal from it and mainly abstains from sexual activity of any kind.

We do have a very loving relationship otherwise, fascinating conversations and we love each other's company.

He has some hang-ups because he is resistant to mutual masturbation (it's not REAL sex) and the idea of orgasm resistance frightens him even though he's a practitioner, because it has mainly been because of pain, not choice.

I would like to open his mind to the world of wonderful, non-penetration or orgasm driven lovemaking. The idea I'm trying to put forward to him is orgasms are OK to have, but not required, but this is a hard sell so far. I would like to share with him the information on this site, but I'm sure the emphasis on orgasm avoidance and balanced brain chemistry would scare him right away from it.

We do have affectionate interactions and I would like to involve him with trying karezza. I enjoy periods of abstaining from orgasm as a personal kink and think we would have a great time practicing it together.

Good luck

It's always tough to make changes. I've enabled you to blog, in case you want to start a thread under your name.

I agree that the human body is set up to pursue the occasional binge. After all, our genes want us to "get it while the getting is good," whether it's food or sex that's particularly stimulating (which our reward circuitry reads as "particularly valuable"). After years of experimentation, I guess I'm not as persuaded as you are that those interludes are actually benefiting us, as opposed to our genes. Smile But reasonable minds may differ.


I have found my cravings tend to lead me to what I really need. One time many years ago I had a terrible cold that was hanging on for days and days. At work, I started to crave mangoes. The craving was so strong I could almost taste and smell the mango. I obsessed over them until I got out of work and picked up a mango on my way home. I ate that mango that night and the next morning I felt fantastic. Cold completely gone.

It may be because I am the type of person who communicates with plants (old-school herbalist) and convenes with nature on a regular basis. I really think people get destructive cravings because they are out of touch with their instincts. We are made to believe (in USA culture) that knowledge is gained from learning only, and the primal shared intellect of the species only exist for animals, not humans.

More Clarification

I have been notified that a word I used above could be misunderstood.

When I used the phrase "personal kink" above, I was not referring to the ideas here as a kink, I was referring only to my own relationship to going without orgasm. (Or orgasm denial, as those in the "kink" call it.) I used the word in a very personal way, not making any judgment on karezza or any of Marnia's teachings. Some people do enjoy abstaining from orgasm IN a VERY erotic way and I am one of them.

Thanks for the clarification

As we often see here, most anything can be tied to sexual arousal...even the thought of avoiding orgasm. Smile Fascinating, really, how the brain works.

My understanding of karezza is that it doesn't rely on the thrill of denial to cause jollies. The goal of karezza isn't "jollies." It's probably heavier on the oxytocin than the dopamine buzz of manipulated excitement.

It'll be interesting to see what your experience of it is.


I get the jollies whenever I look at my man and see how cute he is. What do you mean about jollies? That's a very vague term. Perhaps I am excited about avoiding orgasm because I know it means a different kind of sexual adventure in a new direction.
Knowing the nature of things brings its own kind of excitement. If you had known you and your husband would be enjoying karezza when you first met, wouldn't you be excited?

I do not use the word "kink" with any negative connotation. To me it means a sexual practice that is very individual, not necessarily appealing to the masses. And I mean it here, only, with personal application.

Marnia, I know it does not rely on the thrill of denial, it's based on the thrill of the living human being you are holding, connecting with, loving.

I am interested in my experience of it (karezza, non-orgasmic contact with partner) and eager to share more when I know.