I feel very proud of myself that I've only jerked off twice in a month and a half and haven't looked at any porn. I've never been able to talk to or relate to anyone about the topic of masturbation because none of my close friends ever want to talk about it. Plus there is so much shame in saying you have a problem with porn
It wasn't till I got here that I realized that in order to quit porn I'd have to quit masturbating. All these experiences are new. I bought the Doidge book but I'm still working my way thru Cupids PA.
I get a little discouraged as a single man reading about the exchanges not having a partner but since I'm back to like day 3 or something part of me knows that if I met a girl that was cool right now there's no way anything like Karezza would happen. I feel like dating is hard enough without trying to get people to forgo orgasm, or ask them to cuddle more. I feel like I'll be chasing people away by seeming too needy. "Wait lets cuddle" or "let's stare at each other for like ten minutes."
Most of these thoughts are influenced by the fact that change is slow and my intellectual brain isn't fully in control. My intellectual brain knows that I'd be waaaay happier with a girlfriend/partner who is open to trying the exchanges/Karezza. I also have a kind of intuitive faith that if I try it, it will probably work! Yet man I'm still biting my nails and trying to replace these urges with constructive other activities.
I'm really just rediscovering what life was like back before I masturbated so much or looked at porn. I have decoded my brain slightly, like how the longing for intimacy is wrapped up with intense desire for sex and teasing out those two things helps put a lot of my relationships into sharp relief. Would I have been so dissatisfied with my ex's had I known what I know now about the brain and Karezza? Guess it doesn't matter.
Right now I'm just glad I've made some progress and I'm glad there are good people out there who read this boring shit!