Hope (Things will get better.)

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Submitted by Dano_Clarke on
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I was reading another thread and stumbled on this response that Marnia gave to someone talking about bonding behaviors:

"Bonding behaviors are *always* a good idea! In fact, some people swear that's the only adjustment they need for a closer, more harmonious relationship. Maybe you two will be lucky."

This is awesome! Ya mean it's possible I might not have to give up regular sex and orgasm with a mate?! I understand that masturbating is out now because it caused so much havoc with my relationships and a whole host of other issues. The best thing for me now is to continue my experiment with resisting masturbation and porn but this post offers me hope. If I'm going to orgasm I want it to be with somebody else...and with lots of bonding behaviors thrown in all around. Wonder if I'll have luck in this department?

Who knows?

But keep in mind that some people make the adjustment to karezza and don't feel a sense of sacrifice...and notice other benefits. So don't hesitate to experiment with *all* your options when the time comes. Wink

In this initial phase

It's hard to see the rewards of giving up something that felt so good, even as I resist all temptation and break new ground. I like the idea that it comes easy...no "sacrifice."

It *is* relaxing

to have no performance pressure and no neurochemically induced sense of lack afterward. So it's good to have the karezza option in case you or your partner suffers unwanted fallout.

What we are trying to tell

What we are trying to tell you and it is VERY difficult to describe in words is that a highly orgasmic person, one who really enjoys all the bells and whistles (oral, anal, multiple orgasms, whatever) can not only be happy as a non-orgasmic person, but can come to cherish it! There is no sacrifice, because this is better! It is better on many levels from the trivial (no wet spot) to the emotional (we are truly becoming one, loving and cherishing one another), to the physical (we no longer desire the orgasm to feel satisfied). Karezza is on a higher plane. Not superior as in snobbish, but higher in that the physical aspects of the relationship are less important than the emotional aspects. You have to be ready, I think, to want this, but minimizing orgasm in general, combined with bonding daily will help keep your relationship a happy one. If nothing else, as the honeymoon period subsides, you will know that the feelings you have (wanting to mate with others, etc are normal), but you will have the tools to work through it and take your relationship to the next level.

I get so used

to watering down my message, that the baby sometimes goes out with the bathwater. *chuckle*

Karezza has wonders, but they appear as the brain shifts and returns to being very sensitive to milder pleasures. Until then, karezza sounds like a peculiar fantasy, impossible to imagine. I know. I started in the same place. So did Neil.

The rest of you just keep an open mind, and experiment when you can.

Thanks for the Inspiration

Thank you for making this effort. It is baffling to the un-initiated and it does seem impossible as well. However, after reading your post I have a new found inspiration that maybe, just maybe, this crazy idea might work after all!