Since finding this site on Sunday evening I've been reading with wonder at the helpful, supportive, informative articles and posts - it's brilliant. I'd begun to despair at the lack of information about my situation, even so called experts just not really getting it, and the often-heard refrain that you can't really harm yourself, even with quite excessive masturbation. I saw a therapist a couple of years ago and he told me that I was just experiencing 'judeo-christian' guilt and shame, don't worry. Whilst I actually felt in the grip of an addiction I couldn't escape, despite having quite strong will-power in most respects.
I'm 45-years old, and while mbtn was a thrilling and exciting part of my development from about age 10 or 11, I'm old enough to remember a time without computers and when society wasn't so overtly sexualised - so I never got hooked in to excessive masturbation and never felt out of control until about 8-10 years ago. The cue for me was a couple of relationships that I experienced as really stressful, and I found that masturbation eased the pain substantially. I'm actually not that into porn, but do have a vivid imagination, and have fantasised many more times than I can remember about ex-girlfriends, one or two in particular.
Basically I feel I've just worn myself out over the past 10 years, when getting high from tossing off / coming has been the only thing that has really satisfied me... when I do it, which has been a lot. However, in the other 20 + hours of the day I've just felt increasingly flat. I've lost my interest in music, performing, creativity, although, and lost my way in my career quite a bit. Friendships have suffered. My football team is about the only other thing that has really got me going.
Anyway, it's now my 11th day of abstinence, and the reason I'm feeling blessed at the moment is really to have found this website, with its caring and senstive moderation, and ... well, people in my situation helping and supporting eachother. Thank goodness! I feel like I've learnt so much already, mainly the need to re-education my systems that other activities can be as / more rewarding than (ahem) 'solitary' pursuits. They always were before, and I feel I just want to get back to the whole, interested, vibrant person that I was.
Well it's early days. I'm worried by persistent lower-back pain and fear I've done some permanent damage to whatever organs and hormones have been working over-drive down there. Although I've already discovered that with a weak system, coffee and alcohol were making the situation much worse, so I've also stopped the first and cut right down on the latter. So far so good, and little-by-little I notice changes. I certainly feel more relaxed.
Thank you Marnia and Reuniting info..