Submitted by bella on
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Well after my dream orgasm we have had a rotten week.Ive been very pre menstrual which Im sure isnt helping, but Ive not wanted to be anywhere near my partner and Ive been very criticle and difficult to live with. Still, we are both not at all interested in going back to our old way of making love so thats promising.In fact its been nearly two months since we last made love. We have not been doing any exchanges[ which we have mixed feelings about] and have been gererally quite horrible to each other. Its been a week and a half and Im just starting to relax a little. Ive also had a very long menstrual cycle. We are going away on our belated honeymoon on the weekend so it all feels like theres light at some point in the tunnel, but god its a rough trot.Wanting to share the good with the honest, Amie.

A hard week

Thanks for sharing. Here's the thing, Amie. This isn't just about avoiding orgasm. It's about a conscious exchanges of selfless loving energy. It's fine if you don't like the Exchanges (we get annoyed with them, too Smile ), but design your own, or go here and try some of these ideas (every time you reload the page, a new activity is suggested).

Gary and I do the Exchanges every now and then (or some modification of them) and we find that it really "resets" the relationship at a higher level each time. It's the "plus" side of the equation. Avoiding orgasm is the "minus." You need something to flow toward, not just something to avoid. Does that make sense?

Enjoy your honeymoon.


A hard week

To be clearer,
we have understood the purpose is not about avoiding orgasm. We had been experiancing many of the the amazing benifits of this process until the dream orgasm happened.
What I have had trouble with is, Ive not wanted to connect during the hangover phase, while Ive also had a very intense pre-menstrual phase coinciding with this first orgasm hangover. I understand that I could have been doing lots of beautiful heart opening proactive things written in the book, I have just found it so hard this past week or so to be affectionate or caring and get past my immediate feelings which have been very overwhelming. I actually have not felt like this for a long time. Last time I felt like this I drank a few wines and had a lot of very hungry, "please make me feel better" sex with my partner.
Trouble is when Im feeling like that I dont reach out and talk to anyone. Its once Im starting to relax back into things and settle down that Im now talking about whats been happening, and by this stage Ive already been quite destructive in my relationship.
Another part to it all is we have no problem with the exchanges in essence, we love doing them, but have a hard time prioritising them when we are tired and angry with each other. We work often all day and dont see each other until 9pm at night so by the time the kids are dealt with and we have eaten, if you throw in a cranky, hormonal, controlling wife and a withdrawn resentful husband into the mix it can be very challenging reaching out to each other, past our crap, befor collapsing into bed.
That all said its another learning curve and we certainly dont want a repeat of the last week or two so now its time I think to take responsibility for whats been happening learn from it and get back into enjoying the creation of some deep,beautiful and familiar love between us again.

A hard week

Thanks for the clarification. Believe me I know EXACTLY what you're
talking about with the cranky wife and resentful husband. Smile It's
amazing how, after an orgasm, the whole world seems to conspire to make
it impossible to do the simple activities that would overcome the
separation tendencies the fastest.

Sometimes, as you have, you just have to wait out the fallout. However,
I have always found that even the tiniest mutual efforts, during the
darkest clouds of fallout, do bear fruit, so I still encourage people to
exchange some selfless, loving energy, no matter how little they feel
like it. If you think about it, seeing such exchanges help during the
roughest times is very convincing...and all of this is a giant learning
curve, as you point out.

Anyway, good luck. I'm thinking about you both and sending you Light.