REALLY don't want to delete my porn downloads...

Submitted by withoutaname on
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Enough said... Any advice?

Gotta do it.

I remember the pain of deleting my stash. Yet I really wanted to quit...and I knew an important step in the process is to get rid of it. You might want to download K9 or some other porn filter as well to at least have some kind of block to accessing porn sites after you delete your stash.

If you were an alcoholic would you keep booze lying around? would be poured down the drain. Crazy thing is that I deleted 40 gigs or thereabouts of hardcore porn yet still found the time to download more porn and even bought some DVD's to tide me over when I had no internet connection. I'm now porn free for over two months. It's the best feeling being free.

I also realized through trial and error that quitting masturbation is, for me, the most effective way to quit porn. Once I stopped wanking and set some other priorities in my was easier to stay away from porn. This is the heart of the issue in my mind, quitting or going on an "orgasm diet." There's a lot of fantastic articles on this site. Stick with it. You can do it. Post when you need to.

re: REALLY don't want to delete my porn downloads...

"Once I stopped wanking and set some other priorities in my was easier to stay away from porn."

I suppose that's really the most down to earth way of putting it. Its such a nasty habit... But deleting everything is hard. I feel like I am letting go of some sort of precious jewels or something. Or burning hundred dollar bills... :( I worry about what I will lose - never be able to get back (which is dumb since I am trying to get rid of it). And those "forbidden pleasures" have such a strong draw... I am not looking at them (have not for at least two weeks now, yea!) But deleting them all together? [schock]

Actually I am amazed at how hard it is (I mean, it is after all just some silly pictures).

To your mind though it is

To your mind though it is the route to a high. Delete it all to prove to yourself you are willing to do this. Also try not to think of it as forbidden, think of it as a candy you just don't like the taste of (to me necco wafers bleh). It will always draw in some, but you just don't want it-not because you cannot have it.

It's a major turning point.

Everyone on here reaches it at some point. Good for you that you are feeling ready to take this step. You can count on encouragement and help on this website, people are cool here.

Here's a new take on it. What if you *celebrated* getting rid of it. Took yourself out to eat or tell a trusted friend about this momentous decision. Pat yourself on the back. I have a few quotes from various books I can put up for a little inspiration.

Edit: Here's some quote's from the book Porn Trap by Wendy and Larry Maltz. When I first tried to quit I didn't have an internet connection (I used DVD's instead for a time) and this book was all I had. Too bad they said nothing about brain science or bonding behaviors.

"The decision to quit porn is a positive, life-affirming milestone in a person's life. It represents a new level of maturity and self responsibility. It signals the beginning of a persons recovery from porn and the gateway to a porn-free lifestyle. Unfortunately the actual task of quitting porn is not easy to accomplish. ...Porn is extremely powerful and can quickly pull people into a trance-like state, restrict their thinking and impair their judgment. Porn habits become a learned way of coping with stress and a familiar way of expressing sexual energy."

"Early attempts at quitting frequently fail."

"A strong and enduring motivation is a prerequisite for successfully recovering from any powerful habit or addiction. YOur desire to quit needs to be conscious and strong for it to prevail when you're up against the powerful pull of porn. The stronger the motivation the more consistently that motivation is sustained over time, the more likely ambivalence will be resolved. 'I want to quit' will prevail over 'I want to use.'"

I remember going through that...

I know how you feel, its like you know you need to delete it. But, you're brain's trying to delay the process. You can do it! and like Dano_Clarke said, you could celebrate this liberation. It may even strengthen your resolve. Just take one day at a time. That's helped me during my recovery process. Congrats on getting to this point.

Getting there, bit by bit.

Getting there, bit by bit. Still making mistakes and having relapses but the time spent away from it all is also having a positive effect and helping me develop some alternative non-porn viewpoints. Slowly remembering what its like to not be porn saturated 24/7

I still have not deleted it all, though I am slowing getting rid bits and pieces... I cleaned a bunch off my hard drive the other day and just that amount alone freed up over 4 gigs! Gosh, the idea of actually having a hard drive with some free space is an appealing idea in itself! This shit is almost like a virus - it eats it's way into so many aspects of your life...

Do I really need it?
Do I really need all the secrets, stress and other crap that comes along with it?

I also am realizing its not just the porn itself, but also how we look at it. In some cases, its really just images or recordings of sex and nothing more (in my case I prefer amature porn). But somehow our brain really lights up and creates this whole other scenario and effect when we view it. Its like magic - or maybe an evil spell. There is a whole other process that's occurring inside us and I suspect its this process which is what really messes us up. If we could turn off that process (and be rid of it) I'll bet most of those images would revert back to what they really are: just pictures, not much different then something on the discovery channel. Let this shit "lose its magic" over us!

I have respect for where you are in this process

It was very emotional for me when I hit delete and knew my stash was gone. Even now I have finally deleted the last remnants of the old days. Ultimately the feeling is one of liberation and even jubilation. Keep getting rid of it anyway you like. The more you delete the easier it will be to get rid of it altogether.

I also know that the moment after you climax (again) to porn even against your own wishes...that's the easiest time to delete it all. Don't know why but that's what worked for me.