qigong, aging, and karezza

Submitted by greentea on
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Greetings! My wife and I have been perusing your site for a week or so and Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is on order. We are both nearing 60 years of age, and, while I'm writing in my own voice, she will be looking over my shoulder at all times. In this initial post I wanted to comment on two topics I haven't seen much about on the site: qigong and aging. For the past several years our sex life had tapered down to a very small and forlorn entity. Things were not looking very hopeful. I was finding it harder to get erections and she was suffering from vaginal dryness and pain during intercourse.

Then my wife started doing qigong. I started also almost a year ago. There were many positive results, and we have gradually increased the amount and variety of our qigong practice. It's not unusual now for us to spend one to two hours a day, every day, doing two or three sessions of qigong. In the last few months, and particularly the last few weeks, we've both found our sexual interest growing. While I've been tolerant of lovemaking without orgasm, I've always thought of orgasm as the ideal goal. Yet, as I age, I have also seen clear evidence that I cannot continue to have frequent orgasms. I was aware that Taoist practice warned about depleting one's energies through orgasm, so I googled around to see what sort of recommendations I could find about frequency of orgasm. I did find some concrete pointers suggesting that for a man of 60, one ejaculation every 10-30 days would be appropriate. Eventually--and luckily--I found this site, which put an entirely different spin on the subject.

I have been aware of Karezza for years, but the last time I investigated, there was very little concrete information on the internet. How things have changed! Through your excellent site, Marnia, we have now adopted lovemaking without orgasm or ejaculation as our ideal and have already seen amazing beneficial changes in the last week. Because I'm not exhausting my energies through ejaculation, I have no trouble getting erections whenever we make love. My wife's vagina has become as wet and welcoming as it was years ago. We've been making love once or twice most days in a very relaxed manner. I've had almost no trouble staying away from the brink of orgasm and my wife, who never achieved orgasm through intercourse anyway, has elated to have me inside her again with plenty of juice and no pain.

It's very difficult to figure out which benefits come from qigong and which come from Karezza. Of course, there are all sorts of other factors at work, too, and we're just a sample of two. Nevertheless, our guess is that much of our increased sexual energy comes from qigong and much of our ability to enjoy lovemaking comes from our new Karezza model.

I'll just add that there are thousands of different types of qigong. It's a generic term that covers an amazing array of exercises, meditations, and health practices. Marnia's descriptions of the sympathetic versus the para-sympathetic nervous systems lead me to believe that qigong, for us, is enhancing the same sort of relaxation responses that Karezza does. The only advice we would have for anyone interested in qigong is to find a highly qualified teacher and to be ready devote some serious time to your practice.

Thanks to you, Marnia, and to all the contributors here for sharing such important information. We look forward to learning more!


qigong, aging and karezza


I discovered Marnia's website by chance about 10 days ago ago. I'm a little older than you and I have been married to my wife (a couple of years younger) for more than forty years. We are best friends and have a very good relationship, but the sex all-but ended about four years ago, for reasons similar to those you cited. I have always been driven by the goal of achieving a climax. However, I have always needed a great deal of stimulation to reach the goal. I’ve never had a premature ejaculation – when I was younger, a quickie was at least 20 minutes. Nowadays, it usually takes about an hour – sometimes a lot more. I have enjoyed orgasms at least 2-3 times a week for the last 50 years. I am very active for my age – I workout vigorously 8-10 hours a week (including regular Pilates and occasional Chi Gong and Tai Chi) and have no major health problems. My libido is strong and I am able to get and maintain strong erections without using E.D. drugs.

My wife, however, is sedentary, rather heavy and suffers from painful arthritis. She performs Chi Gong and Tai Chi occasionally. Our sexual marathons have been no fun for her for about a decade, and about four years ago, she announced that her libido was totally gone. So I have mostly resorted to masturbation in secret supported by internet porn. She seems to be unaware of my activity. I have been quite unhappy with this situation for a host of reasons, but have become resigned to the situation.

When I found Marnia's website, I immediately felt that the behaviors advocated may go a long way to improving our relationship. I resolved to avoid all porn (cold turkey) and to gradually reduce orgasm/ejaculation, with the latter to be with the full knowledge of my wife. And I began unilaterally engaging in bonding activities with her, and the response on her part has been immediate – she loves the long, slow caressing and intimate conversations.

I think karezza (or a form of it) would be great for us, because it removes the orgasm-goal from our relationship. I would no longer have to spend a great deal of time, effort and energy reaching the goal and my wife no longer has to feel the pressure of trying to get me off, or suffer the boredom of having her sleep disturbed while I jerk off.

I have not told her about this site, but I plan to get Marnia's book (Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow) and introduce her to the concepts as I develop a deeper understanding. As of now, I am ten days porn-free, but have only made it a max of four without an orgasm (but no secret stuff now).

I hope we can share experiences as we travel on this journey.


Hi Greentea

So glad to hear your good news. It's amazing what those ancient Daoists figured out, eh? Many ways to align with the Dao, qigong and "dual cultivation of sexual energy" being but two of a long list, according to one of my favorite books The Hua Hu Ching. Here's the link in case you like such things: http://www.abuddhistlibrary.com/Buddhism/H%20-%20World%20Religions%20and...

We're all still learning here, and your feedback is part of everyone's learning curve, so thanks for taking the time to share. I've enabled you to blog, just in case you want to have your own space for any musings you care to share: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

Thanks for this post,

Thanks for this post, greentea. I've practiced QiGong for about two years and its benefits are simply amazing (the form I studied is Jin Jin Jong Qi Gong - aka ligament and tendon strengthening qigong). I'm excited to hear of older couples who are able to keep getting it on! I am trying to take an inventory of couples who practice karezza together and share on this site, so here is the thread if you want to post there:


I will add you and your queen to the list!
Thanks for posting, and keep us posted.
Always good to hear from people of all different age groups!