I have a significant other who I love very deeply. I've realized from incidents in my past (porn use, infidelity) that I need to be very careful about going through the dopamine craving periods as that's when I'm more vulnerable to acting in a way sexually that I would prefer not to. My partner and I went through a period recently (as a test) where we don't orgasm. During that time I felt more stable emotionally than I have in a long time. I really enjoyed the experience.
However, my problem is that my partner has essentially equated orgasm with intimacy and so after our test is up we've reverted back to "If we aren't having regular orgasms I don't feel close to you." I enjoyed when we have sex w/orgasm and on one level it does make me feel close to her. However, I also know that my sexual cravings do seem to intensify post-orgasm. While I like a good solid flow of sexual energy I'd prefer not to have porn cravings or too strong of feelings of attraction to members of the opposite sex.
This is a long-winded way of me asking what the best approach is here. We can continue to do traditional sexual activity and I can try to figure out other ways of making sure I don't act out sexually. Or we can try to work together to feel more intimate even when we aren't having orgasms with each other. I think the latter approach is the best one but I'm struggling with how to get there. I've given her Marina's book but she didn't really get into it. Any suggestions?