♥Bringing an old article to the surface

Submitted by Quizure on
Printer-friendly version

For the last few days, I've been following Karezza bread crumb trails through the internet - sometimes running into pages or articles which on the surface appear to be in English, but for the life of me, I can't translate them into something my brain understands! But I kept looking, and one search lead to another, of course, I ended up right back here - at a post that had the answer. (The question really was "how long does this take?"!) Oddly enough, the advanced searches here couldn't find it - but Google did. It's also almost exactly 5 years old... and it was exactly what I was looking for:



"I want a snowfall kind of love
The kind of love that keeps you in bed all day
Oh I want to walk through with you
And watch it all melt away"


Maybe I'm not understanding you here, but do you have a link to what you found? "How long does it take?" What do you mean by this question?

Edit: Funny, right after I posted this question the link was there, I'll read it now.

This is so good!

I had sudden realization regarding giving vs. getting a couple of days ago.

I began a commitment to karezza a few months ago and it’s been a little rocky as I attempt to guide my wife with me along with this path. I had an exceptionally bad night Friday. We had three situations in two days where my expectations and her actions were way out of whack. I laid awake most of the night stewing about it. I woke up way early, still stewing. Then, as the sky brightened, a new thought entered my head. This was really a contest between giving and getting. I was making myself *miserable* because I thought I was giving a lot more than I was getting. Keep in mind that I was only half-awake; a scoreboard appeared in my mind. Giving vs. Getting. (I don’t always think about sex – sometimes I think about sports.) I was trying to run up the getting score to be more than the giving score. My next thought was that I should be trying to make the giving score as high as possible, and not worry about the getting score. Only then will we truly experience karezza.

(And this would apply to lovemaking with my wife, but also to dealing with our irresponsible daughter and my inconsiderate relatives and friends that make her uncomfortable and neighbors that borrow my tools.)

This article has so many statements that affirm that I need to constantly be focusing on an unconditional giving dynamic.

Thank you Quizure – your timing is perfect!

What if you are giving and

What if you are giving and the other is getting? Or even worse if the other is taking and that leads to your giving? I think giving needs to meet giving for this to work. Yes, by giving you can convert the taker/getter. The taker/getter eventually feels guilty and has to try giving at some point. That is the window of opportunity for the persistent giver. It seems important to accept the getter/taker's position initially even though it is not easy for a giver to do.

"Safety is an inside job"

The more deep feelings of wholeness we create by reaching for balance...and then exchanging our sexual energy with a partner without trying to "get," the more the external world reflects back to us abundance and safety (and even less annoying kids and neighbors Wink ). Sounds goofy, but try it consistently.

Over and over I find that when I'm feeling like I'm giving more than I'm getting...it's because I'm in a subtle post-orgasmic cycle. Which means my neurochemistry is sending out "lack" signals, which are skewing my perception. So I try my best to avoid that cycle, or wait it out before judging a situation too fixedly. When I'm not in that cycle, my scorecard seems to become a lot more flexible. I seem to be able to remember the many kind/generous things that have come back to me in the past, even if they didn't arrive right at the moment I did my giving.

Ever read the book, "The Millionaire Next Door?" I haven't read it :-), but I've read about it. It *thinks* wealth is about all kinds of logical, left-brain strategies, but the authors point out that most people with a net worth of a million don't divorce. So I think the principle I'm talking about could well be at work, too. Harmony in intimate relationships is powerful.

I realize you have to experience this phenomenon before you will believe it, but at least keep an open mind. Smile

I Agree

I sure agree with you on the post O "lack signals". I'm much better at giving (or not so preoccupied with not getting) 14-16 days post orgasm
RD...you working on hooking up with a millionaire?

No, lol!

I just don't understand! (it almost sounds like millionaires don't divorce because of the money and I'm not getting the point, I guess!)

And boy, do I agree with the "lack" signals, too~~



My ex-husband and I fit everything on that list except the last two things (we were only in our early 40s when we made our "fortune" and we also both came from divorced homes)~~and in our case, we were best friends and business partners who each brought our own "thing" to the business~~he was the risk-taker and I was the conservative financial person who kept things in line.

But in the end, it was those two things that finally led to the demise of our marriage--he wanted to go off and explore the world and I was happy being a farm girl, lol.

I do feel like many so many good fortunes came our way because of the "us" of our business...and even though it didn't work out after 20 years together, I'm happy we had the experience together. We probably lasted as long as we did because we *rarely* (if ever) had sex and thus, no post-orgasmic mood swings, lol!! (had to tie this into the theme of this board!!)


Psych Today

Actually March/April 2010 Psychology Today The Expectation Trap by Hara Estroff Marano. Excellent article about how expecting perfection or something better harms our relationships.
"Most people are focused on changing the wrong person in the relationship, if anyone has to change....its you...preferably with the help of your partner."