I'm 40yr old married male. Porn and masturbation have spiralled out of control for me over the past 10(?) years for me, since access to the i/net was easier. I had always masturbated quite frequently but previously it wasnt a problem. Over the past 10 years - I have let it cause me to lose hours of time (I work for myself from home) and I am letting huge opportunities slip away. It really spiralled when I went to a chat room which led to webcam encounters then regular webcam 'partners' then webcam sites. I get whatever it is we get from 'showing' and being watched/appreciated/directed. If it can't get this then I fall back to porn. I have been off porn/masturbation and 'storing' sexual images mentally for 12 days now, in this time I have had sex with my wife 3 times.
I had been to one porn addiction website already but most of the people there are 12 steppers and some of it isnt resonating with me and I feel like they are saying to me that if I cant do it their way then I am bound to fail. ("well if you aren't powerless then quit" - well if we are powerless then why try I think to myself. I have power over me as if I didnt believe this I wouldnt be able to succeed) however alot of reading there has been helpful. I have found the info here and attitiude useful - THANKYOU!
The things on my mind are -
There must be a way other than 12 steps? (there is I suppose because I'm doing it?)
To get things in balance do I have to stop having orgasms for a time? (I cant tell my wife about the problem now as she has had a very bad year with bereavement, panic attacks and work stress - I am not saying never just not now) I have shared with a friend though.
The withdrawal - headache, so tired, teeth hurt!
I think I know why I do it. Is this useful? The masturbation - for many reasons I didnt experience girls until I was about 18 and before this porn/masturbation fuelled by interest. After this I just seemed to have a higher libido than my partners and was weak and cheated. Since I met the woman I married this stopped but I think that my lack of 'experience' when I was younger has me looking for approval and trying to make up for lost time - hence the webcamming.
Now I have stopped and read ALOT on the subject and taken real action. It is making a big difference - understanding me and the problem. Focusing on love for my wife, this seems to have reduced my urge to masturbate in the day after sex (I always used to think that sex would lessen the webcamming and masturbation but it used to increase it. I understand why now) Counting the days, keeping an online journal, looking for support, letting the thoughts just pass through, no sneaky stares and learning about the topic has all meant that I know this time it will work (I grew up with an alcoholic step father and have heard that before) but I have a feeling that it is so different to any other time that I have stopped that I know it is the time.
I am looking forward to getting more involved here. How do I blog?