End of Exchanges

Submitted by ya-see-too on
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Now that I have opened my heart so much with a person that I shared exchanges with for many months, it is hard as all-get-out to end that connection. So many issues arise. How do I keep my heart open? Where does that love go now? Should we spend time as friends without doing exchanges now? I imagine she wants love and intimacy, so should I stay away so she can forget me and find a new partner? Should I do the same. One of the downsides of getting so close with ecstatic exchanges is that when the relationship ends, it's super hard to endure the end of that connection. It also feels very hard to find another partner who I can share the exchanges with next. Most new lovers seem to really want a lot of passion and intensity that is filled with arousal and orgasmic satisfaction. I'm so open to suggestions or comments on these difficulties. Got any?

I'm sorry for your pain

but I think it's healthy to feel sadness when a relationship ends, however it does. (Does it have to??)

You, too, might benefit from activities that help regulate mood: http://www.reuniting.info/node/4501 When you're sparkling again, I suspect potential mates will appear.

Let us know how you get on. You are enabled to blog.

And thanks for your courage in trying the ideas.

Boy, there's no easy answers

Boy, there's no easy answers to your questions. Although its easy for me to say, Id rather feel deeply and suffer the heart ache of an ending than living a life of protection.

Yes, I think finding a partner that will explore in this way may not be easy but as you find them, and you will, its sure worth it. I think you have to be willing to stand against the norms of our sexual culture and say, "I'm doing it differently because Ive tasted how sweet it can truly be". A man who is willing to forgo his orgasm, his release, is a rare catch. If its not this woman, a woman will come along and see you as an incredible find, you just wait.

Stay open, my heart

I have never felt closer to anyone (besides my child) with whom I have joined previously. Wow, the exchanges allowed me to become so close to that beautiful state of uniting in oneness with one I felt so dear to be with, and I find the withdrawing harder than normal (subsequently). While I intellectually feel encouraged by the thought that "[another] woman will come along and see [me]as an incredible find" (and thanks for writing that and giving me faith!), I emotionally can't imagine another. Now something inside is pushing me to keep my heart open and no longer limit my heart as the exclusive province of my dear-love only. Maybe if I try really hard to simply keep my heart open it will just expand and make room for more love. A person should be open to new love, whether a previous love departed either by choice or by passing ahead to the other side of life.

You have it right. .

Leave your heart open.

While we all may love, and lose along the way - some are infatuations, some are simply true loves - someone you love no matter what, and there is nothing you can do about it besides let it be. I have a number of such past loves, and it wasn't until recently, through the heart-opening experience of the exchanges, and karezza, that I could fully understand that the pleasure of loving someone does *not* depend on them loving you back.


Because life is not about who you were, it is about who you are becoming.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Quizure, you are wise. I am accepting that I love this person, it is not about physical/sexual connection, rather I feel love for this person deeply and positively, as friends, spiritually, long-term, etc. Truly, it just "is", this openness and love in my heart. Exchanges has allowed me to feel close with her and that closeness doesn't diminish. A warm embrace (i.e., hug), a double-cheek kiss, a gentle kiss on our lips, whatever, playful or sweet, it's an expression of caring and affection. We are not a couple, true, yet closeness and love has been achieved, not lost. Maybe I will be part of a couple with another person one day. I can hope, right? Taking Marnia up on a suggestion she wrote in "Peace": tomorrow, I'm gonna get a massage and just ENJOY it.


The Exchanges are a good place to start. No intercourse for two weeks. However, don't move into intercourse until you're both ready. If either of you still has doubts after two weeks that it's "the right time," you can use the playful activities here to continue engaging in bonding behaviors until the time is RIGHT. http://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day

Feel free to start a blog and ask this question there, so I can add a ♥ to it. That will get more replies from karezza couples. Smile And let us know how it goes.