So today brings up 9 weeks since I started my plan of abstinence. This week marks a turning point in the recovery process for me. Before I go on, I need to describe the girl from salsa dancing. She's 21 years old, tall, blonde hair, green eyes (I love green eyes), great body, and cool as hell. She's really street smart and down to earth and can hold a conversation about heaps of things. She just wants to have fun, which is exactly what I need right now. I think it's safe to say my libido is back.
Stuff that happened since last Wednesday:
- Last Wednesday night I met up with the girl from salsa dancing and had sex, twice. I was pretty nervous and came quicker than I'd like but I really tried to make the session as slow and sensual as possible. Lots of caressing and touching and I went down on her and she liked it. I had no trouble getting hard, if anything I was too turned on. I'm still worried about not lasting long enough.
- My mate flew up from Sydney on the Friday and it was party weekend at my place. Lot's of drinking and smoking and flat out having a good time. The partying continued over Saturday and the girl came over again Saturday night. We ended up having sex twice that night, again on Sunday morning and again Sunday afternoon. I have to say this time I could really relax and enjoy myself and had a lot of fun. It's not often that I can say that about sex. Usually I'm too nervous to enjoy it. I tried to make everything as playful and sensual as possible, rather than focusing on the porn style of sex and it really works. I even busted out the candles. It was awesome. The best weekend that I had in a long time.
- Last night (Tuesday) I was really horny and tried to hook up another session with salsa girl but she had to study. I ended up doing a live cam session with this hot Russian girl, while masturbating. This is probably the closest I've come to looking at porn since I began this quest. I'll be sure to keep this thing as a one off. I've never actually done a cam show before and was keen to try it and it was only for about 15 minutes. I've promised myself that the next orgasm I have will be with a woman. No more cam shows ever. No more masturbation for the next little while.
I have to say that I think I've turned a corner. This doesn't mean I'm going to get complacent and revert to my old ways. My plan now is to stay away from porn. No more porn ever. I'll keep masturbation down to once a week if I feel the need. I'll keep socialising as much as possible. In the bedroom I'm trying to focus on getting in as much caressing and touching as possible, extended foreplay, tuning into the way the woman's body is responding. I'm also trying to communicate as openly as possible about sex and relationships.
I'll post some more in a week. Things are definitely looking up.
Marnia: You were right. When the time came, my libido was fine. It seems silly now. I don't know what I was worried about.