Hey forum, found this site around a month ago from another forum and it has been very informative. The fact there is a community where people help each other is excellent and I wish to be a part of this.
Before I start, I should introduce myself.
Call me Prol, started porn use and masturbation when I was 13 years old. It wasn't anything big back then, until when I was 15 and got my first computer. Ever since I've gradually increased my viewings and orgasms over the next 4 years. It was only the start of this year I started to learn about sexual transmutation and the bad effects of masturbating.
While I have improved a lot this year, holding off from 3-7 days at a time, with the odd 2-3 weeks at different months, the withdrawal has made me incredibly lustful and I have shamefully binged when I caved in. Sometimes even 7 goes in a row. After porn use and during the withdrawal period, I suffer a lot of mood swings, lack of motivation to do anything, depression and lack of energy. This is incredibly worrying as usually I am opposite of what I've just listed and I fear I've turned into someone completely opposite while I still can't throw off porn use. My social life this year has gone down the drain compared to last year, as I've become as addicted more than ever while trying to quit. Is this ironic?
To be addicted for 6 years to porn is incredibly worrying, and at my age I do not wish to have this problem still 10 years on. As a 19 year old, I know the most important step of my life is about to begin, and I do not want to suffer anymore. My brain needs a complete turn around, in both my views of women and away from pornography.
I see my life at present where I am stuck at this level, unable to step up unless I abstain from masturbating. I have also never been in a girl in a relationship. With the periods where I do, I do actually make step ups in life. Recent examples include impressing at a job interview for a new job with full confidence and being able to do stand up comedy in front of 40 friends which I've never done before. I guess I do see porn as a plug that stops me from achieving and being happy. As I write this message, I had my last orgasm an hour ago and I wish tonight to be the last night I cave in for a long time. It was also just then when I realized, 9 months into the year which I said I would cut back, that I haven't. I've gotten even worse when I've improved and this is incredibly infuriating and depressing.
So I ask you forum, what should be my next step? I wish to participate but would a daily log be more helpful? At the moment, lurking and reading information when I have free time hasn't helped.