It's only now since I realized how big this problem really was

Submitted by Prol on
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Hey forum, found this site around a month ago from another forum and it has been very informative. The fact there is a community where people help each other is excellent and I wish to be a part of this.

Before I start, I should introduce myself.

Call me Prol, started porn use and masturbation when I was 13 years old. It wasn't anything big back then, until when I was 15 and got my first computer. Ever since I've gradually increased my viewings and orgasms over the next 4 years. It was only the start of this year I started to learn about sexual transmutation and the bad effects of masturbating.

While I have improved a lot this year, holding off from 3-7 days at a time, with the odd 2-3 weeks at different months, the withdrawal has made me incredibly lustful and I have shamefully binged when I caved in. Sometimes even 7 goes in a row. After porn use and during the withdrawal period, I suffer a lot of mood swings, lack of motivation to do anything, depression and lack of energy. This is incredibly worrying as usually I am opposite of what I've just listed and I fear I've turned into someone completely opposite while I still can't throw off porn use. My social life this year has gone down the drain compared to last year, as I've become as addicted more than ever while trying to quit. Is this ironic?

To be addicted for 6 years to porn is incredibly worrying, and at my age I do not wish to have this problem still 10 years on. As a 19 year old, I know the most important step of my life is about to begin, and I do not want to suffer anymore. My brain needs a complete turn around, in both my views of women and away from pornography.

I see my life at present where I am stuck at this level, unable to step up unless I abstain from masturbating. I have also never been in a girl in a relationship. With the periods where I do, I do actually make step ups in life. Recent examples include impressing at a job interview for a new job with full confidence and being able to do stand up comedy in front of 40 friends which I've never done before. I guess I do see porn as a plug that stops me from achieving and being happy. As I write this message, I had my last orgasm an hour ago and I wish tonight to be the last night I cave in for a long time. It was also just then when I realized, 9 months into the year which I said I would cut back, that I haven't. I've gotten even worse when I've improved and this is incredibly infuriating and depressing.

So I ask you forum, what should be my next step? I wish to participate but would a daily log be more helpful? At the moment, lurking and reading information when I have free time hasn't helped.

Change

Hey man,

Most people don't manage to change their habits on the first try. So don't worry about that. It might help you to think about your stand-up comedy experience when you are feeling like you might want to give in since you know from experience what happens.

I did a blog when i was getting started which helped me feel more "accountable". You might find that helpful too.

Hi Prol

I'm sorry you've been having such a tough time. I suspect your experience is quite common. That's what makes addiction addiction...the fact that the "cure" actually makes the compulsion stronger and stronger.

First, congratulations on your successes. You're probably farther along than you give yourself credit for.

Second, have you tried a porn blocker? Some people say K9 is good...as long as you give your password to someone else ;-). (Probably someone here would volunteer if you ask.) That can prevent the impulsive relapse sometimes.

Third, have you checked out the Wiki on porn? The "Your Brain on Porn" has some great motivational videos. Also see the wiki on relapse.

You absolutely CAN do this. Personally, I still think the ideal way is about two months of no porn/masturbation/fantasy/orgasm (except occasional orgasm with a partner). The reason is that those things are so tightly linked in your brain that they are cues for each other. Your brain needs a rest from the orgasm cycle, so it can "reboot." (Here's the blog of a guy who took this route: http://www.reuniting.info/blog/4668)

That said, some people simply cannot do this. They have to use the (usually slower) strategy of keeping masturbation in their routine WITHOUT PORN on a schedule (so it doesn't escalate).

Porn is a problem because it's unnaturally stimulating...so it can leave the brain aching for more super-stimulation. That's what causes the binging. Masturbation based on sensual feelings won't be as "hot," but it won't be as likely to cause a binge either. Keep in mind that your ancestors never met anything like today's porn, so you may just have to accept that your brain hasn't evolved to handle this degree of stimulation without it causing unwanted brain changes and binging.

Let us know how you get on, and good luck. You're now enabled to blog if you would find it helpful. (Check left-hand margin.)

Lasted 3 days

Went on youtube and was edging it with softcore and then accidentally had an orgasm :( After that I was like screw it, and did it another two times. However after only doing it twice, I noticed I didn't crave going a few more times as I did in the past. Maybe this is a improvement? Also my porn filter didn't seem to work, I will get K-9 back.

My work load and studies are getting pretty hefty, I DO honestly think I could've kept going if I didn't accidentally had an orgasm, pretty frustrated at myself at the moment but I will pick myself back.

Getting my paycheck soon and I'm thinking of doing some self improvement things to get my mind off. Was thinking of getting a dental whitening kit from professional dentists, what do you guys think?

Oh and I will go to the gym again after being sick for the past week.

Wish me luck all, 3 months here I come!

Yeah, learning your triggers

is half the battle. (YOU Tube, for example Smile ) In general, you're likely to find more satisfaction (over the long-term at least) with an occasional single masturbation to ejaculation without porn or porn fantasy...than you are with looking at porn with or without climax.

Remember, porn itself is much of the problem in sex addiction. It took me a while to understand this. "Edging" to several videos, even without climax, gets your dopamine soaring, and it's the excess dopamine that apparently causes the drop in dopamine receptors...creating the urge to binge, or intense inner conflict if you don't keep scratching that itch.

Orgasm can bring on a desire to binge too, especially if it's really intense, but a gentle, sensual session of self-love doesn't seem to kick off the same cycle (and is good practice for your future love life Wink ). Unfortunately, you may not find a single masturbation without porn satisfying at first. That's why some people find that weeks (or even a couple of months) of total abstinence from porn/masturbation/orgasm actually makes the return to balance easier in the long run.