I am new to the forum, but have been browsing articles on this site and others most of this year regarding porn/masturbation addiction. Addiction is nothing new to me at all, and I guess I have used porn as something to fall back on as i quit all my past addiction. I am a recovering alcoholic, sober since May 2005. I quit smoking at the same time, and have been drug(mostly pot) free for a year. I was also overweight after I quit drinking, and have recently lost about 70 pounds and I am now in alot better shape, and still plan on exercising more.
The past 8 or so months, I have become extremely aware of my lack of control over masturbation and porn use. I have watched porn for at least 14years, i am 33 soon. I have degraded into more extreme stuff, alot of transsexual porn lately. I am not at all attracted to shemales other than the porn, and once I am done, I am actually disgusted by the thought of it. If it is not that is other whacked out straight porn that only degrades women into complete objects. It was a relief reading some of the articles on here that it does not really matter waht porn it is, it is just the stimulation of it, and the need for more extreme and odd things. I am attracted to women, but have felt no real sex drive towards them for years. I have not been with a women in years either, I seem to have fallen into the trap of just jerking off at least daily, if not several times daily.
I have quit several times this year, the most for 1 month- usually for a week or 2- before I relapse again into several days of porn. When I do relapse, it is usually a huge binge, which I then am disgusted with myself for doing. I feel terrible mentally for a couple days afterwards. I guess the more positive side to the past several months is I have masturbated less than I have at most any part of my life since I had started in my teens.
Anyways, today starts another day of giving it up, and I have had it with it. It has been the most difficult addiction for me. I am destroying my laptop and wiping my HDD clean. I don't really store porn on either, it is just a trigger for me, as I start thinking about it, then it just falls apart before i know what happened. I have my router set to block most porn i can, but I have just gone to bypassing it by switching off the parental controls. I am going to try K9 or the like and have either someone else enter the PW or if I can try it with some hideous, impossible to remember PW that I will never recall. Doing it on my router is not an option as i need to adjust its settings frequently.
Anyways, here I go again.