Fleshlights, masturbation and porn

Submitted by darksim on
Printer-friendly version

I wanted to raise another topic closely related to masturbation and porn addiction: Fleshlights. For those of you who don't know, these are special male sex toys/ masturbation sleeves with cases that are disguised to look like oversized Flashlights. The sleeves have different orifices (vagina, mouth or anus) with different textures designed for maximum stimulation and sensation. You can read more about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleshlight

I've had a few before but have always ended up throwing them out. I can testify that they take orgasms, stimulation and probably dopamine addiction to a new level. These produce mind blowing orgasms that are incredibly intense and like nothing that you can achieve just by your hand (or your hand and viewing porn) alone. They are meant to mimic the feeling of a woman's vagina (although they have different textures which aren't apparently anything like a woman) or the feeling of a blowjob or an anus. At the same time, they are meant to wean you off masturbating with your hand. I can say that having used these, it makes masturbating with your hand really quite boring and almost unstimulating. They're meant to help you retrain yourself to a looser grip than your hand (and often have a learning curve because at first you might suffer from what is often called "death grip syndrome" in which you can't feel the subtle sensations of the sleeve in comparison to your hand). In that sense, they have some beneficial effect.

However, the thing about Fleshlights are that they probably take addiction to new heights, because you'll soon become addicted to that incredible orgasm and the stimulating sensations. Combine that with porn, and you can set yourself up for even more compulsive behaviour and even greater withdrawal symptoms if you decide to quit.

I've stopped using a fleshlight for about 5 months now because I just felt pathetic having to resort to one of these. I don't know if they're really any different to the equivalent of female vibrators or dildos, but they probably carry some social stigma if people found out that you were using them whereas women don't seem to have that problem. However, that wasn't the only reason for quitting. I didn't want to be addicted, because it makes you want to masturbate all the time because the feeling is so intense. I have to say that I haven't really wanted to return to it on the whole, but recently I have been feeling a craving for the fleshlight sensation again.

I've belonged to a Fleshlight forum (which can't be a good thing when you want to quit) but have asked them to ban me so that I won't visit that place and fall into temptation again. I guess, like alcoholics, if you don't want to fall back into your old ways, you will want to avoid any temptation and not deliberately frequent places where you'll feel drawn back.

Anyway, I thought I would share this because I haven't seen a topic on this and didn't know whether people have considered this in relation to porn and masturbation addiction or have used them before.

Thanks for the heads up

"it makes you want to masturbate all the time because the feeling is so intense."

Your words are further confirmation that the challenge is hyper-stimulation, however it is achieved. The brain says, "oooo! This is really releasing a lot of dopamine, so it must be a really valuable experience. Let's do it again...and again....and...."

If humanity were researching the neurochemical cycle after orgasm, it wouldn't be falling for this idea that "more orgasms always equal more satisfaction." But it's not: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201005/forbidd...

All the more reason why you guys are prudent to make your own experiments and share your findings! Smile

Those toys are dangerous

Imagine a man living alone in his apartment with a fleshlight, lube, g-spot (prostate) stimulators, and endless amounts of porn.

How can a real woman compete with the INTENSE pleasure and stimulation he gets from all those devices?

Impossible.

Toy competition for real woman?

I don't think they are dangerous, just distracting. We should spend more time expanding our "plastic" minds and less our "plastic" p*ssies.

Of course, most real women wouldn't bother competing. I would fear and pity a woman that would want to. As a man I wouldn't dream of competing with a vibrator or a dildo. A real man/woman is no comparison to and therefore no competition for/to a toy. You can't bond with a toy, but I suppose if you're so wound up that you can't bond with a man/woman either then a toy is a suitable substitute for love until you've figured things out. Recognise what the toy is, understand it. Is it really necessary? Does it really contribute that much to your quality of life? Can you do without it? Would you be better off without it? Avoid the pitfall of becoming attached to objects. Fulfilment is in the mind and in the connection of minds. Find someone to bond with.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

Apparently the Fleshlight is

Apparently the Fleshlight is designed (well at least one of the sleeves) to help you last longer when it comes to a real woman, because you'll find the FL more stimulating. If you can last long in the FL (so the theory goes) then you will have even more endurance with a real vagina.

I don't know if that's false though. It might be more the case that the FL is so stimulating that you feel desensitized when it comes to a real woman.

I found this link on this

I found this link on this topic. http://www.curedeathgrip.com/

It makes some sense, but only once porn is removed from the picture. I've not been disciplined enough to make masturbation count enough.

One can use something like the fleshlight to sort of create a solo karezza practice. You don't have to orgasm at all if you are careful and monitor the desire to afterwards.

I think toys are nothing

I think toys are nothing compared to porn because they don't as directly involve the brain and more work is involved in putting them to use versus clicking a few buttons. You also can't ratchet up the physical toy cause you only have a substantially finite number of them. Maybe I'm biased because I generally would not use a toy in conjunction with porn. Perhaps my brain has them segregated.

I don't get the training to last longer approach. We've evolved to fertilize the mate. Women are hurting their own non-reproductive interests in their focus to make men fertilize them. No matter what a man physically tries to last longer, women will try that much harder and it won't work...the women will still be unsatisfied. Combine that with the known science which indicates men are designed to get their job done and quit while perhaps women are meant to go on. One can then see that the only way to truly go substantially longer is to run the race at a crawl and quit before you get to the finish.

That depends what you mean

That depends what you mean by saying that toys don't directly involve the brain. I think the Fleshlight is almost like an actual drug. It's just that it works externally on you (rather than something internally ingested or injected) but probably releases such a massive amount of dopamine. The orgasms are more intense than anything you can imagine and the actual stimulation before orgasm is extremely arousing and pleasurable too. That means that it is just as addictive as porn. Drugs don't involve visual stimuli. In the same way, Fleshlights don't necessarily require visual stimuli to make it addictive and draw you into an inescapable trap.

As for the stamina training approach, the idea is that men apparently ejaculate too quickly inside a woman. At the same time, having used your hand for so long, the idea of a FL is to resensitize you to something looser (and in that sense it is benefical) and more like a woman. At least that's the idea with sleeves/ inserts which are designed to mimic a woman's vagina. However, the FL makes a number of different textured sleeves (eg ribbed, bumped etc) that are nothing like the inside of a woman's vagina and are far more stimulating. Ultimately what this means is that you will become desensitized to something less textured and probably be able to ejaculate as quickly or easily when in a woman. On the one hand it's good for helping you not to prematurely ejaculate, but on other it can't be good if you no longer find a woman's vagina pleasurable since it may not be able to compete with so many varieties of textures.

I've used a regular

I've used a regular Fleshlight. I don't think it is a addictive as porn in the same way that masturbating without porn is less addictive than masturbating with porn. You say it is designed to be less stimulating than a hand. I have not thought much about this stimulation trick using the Fleshlight nor tried it so I can't really comment. I do think that lasting longer is more a mental challenge than a physical one. With a partner it depends a lot on the partner's actions. I might have to play around with this a little more. This isn't that bad. Next time I relapse it will be in the name of science...which might stop me better than any blocking software.

The stimulation with a real person is everywhere unlike the Fleshlight. I think that is a larger factor than some bumps or ridges. Many guys on here are not lasting to the point where smooth or magic ridges even matter.

Dopamine is dopamine

Whatever gets you going intensely can dysregulate dopamine (especially in the absence of other, balancing factors...or perhaps very impervious genetics Smile ). So there's no good arguing about which is more arousing. For one person one thing is more arousing, and for another something else...especially depending upon the sensitivity of his brain and the power of particular cues.

answer

[quote=TheUnderdog1985]Imagine a man living alone in his apartment with a fleshlight, lube, g-spot (prostate) stimulators, and endless amounts of porn.

How can a real woman compete with the INTENSE pleasure and stimulation he gets from all those devices?

Impossible.[/quote]

She can't, luckily enough INTENSE doesn't mean satisfying. INTENSE in this case for me is exactly the opposite, something that doesn't make you happy but you still want it, it just drains you gradually and in most cases not so gradually.
I think that nothing can compare to the real experience to be with a woman, everything else may just bring you INTENSITY but nothing, absolutely nothing more. With a woman you can experience all the other goodies that make you smile. So I'm willing to give up the INTENSITY that quickly loses its pleasurable nature turning into something that's not good for you for a woman.

[quote=Quizure]A fleshlight, controlled by a woman, is . . . . . very very powerful. [/quote]

I think that most people make this mistake of actually believing that they get something more - powerful, pleasurable by doing other activities that do not include a woman. I think that this is just an illusion, the illusion of intensity, you can actually feel some kind of pleasure at the beginning even all the pleasure in the world*, but it just can't remain you cannot keep this, namely because of the intensity and it always has side effects, side effects that are just not worth it, it's just not worth it compared to the consistent deep pleasure you can get from a real woman. Again, I think that intensity cannot make you happy anyhow, we're just like rats when we experience this.

*(when I say that you can even feel all the pleasure in the world, it's important to note that this ,,pleasure,, is harmful, it doesn't mean happiness, relaxation, bliss, satisfaction, the pleasure in this case is rather negative than positive, don't associate the word in this case with something good, because the word pleasure is usually associated with something positive and good, well here it's not)

,,a fleshlight controlled by a woman,, :D:D - I do admire your creativity and insightfulness.

Toys

It was years ago when we went through a toy & porn phase. (That was also alongside the polyamory phase, but that's for another post down the road.) The two toys that were the 'most intense' and for us - the Fleshlight and the Rabbit Pearl were the equivalent of being tazered into orgasm, when combined with a partner that already turns you on. Even though they produced the most physically intense orgasms we'd ever had - we didn't try them more than a few times, and both agreed that we just didn't like it. That was actually the end of the toy phase.

Quizure

A thoroughly beautiful woman and a thoroughly homely woman are creations which I love to gaze upon, and which I cannot tire of gazing upon, for each is perfect in her own line. Mark Twain

Interesting

A brain in balance can actually find too much stimulation aversive...or at least not enticing. But does that mean that most everyone is safe no matter how extreme the stimulation? My thought is that when stressed and alone, that stimulation is almost irresistible. And it may also be that some brains are simply very vulnerable to extreme stimuli.

After all, as an evolutionary matter, it could have been a *very good* thing to pursue rare opportunities like extra calories or novel mates with special enthusiasm. For all we know, this kind of brain was a genetic advantage in environments where both were scarce. The fact that 64% of Americans are overweight and half of those obese, suggests this kind of brain sensitivity (or stress?) is commonplace.

Yes!

[quote=Marnia]A brain in balance can actually find too much stimulation aversive...or at least not enticing. But does that mean that most everyone is safe no matter how extreme the stimulation? My thought is that when stressed and alone, that stimulation is almost irresistible. And it may also be that some brains are simply very vulnerable to extreme stimuli.

After all, as an evolutionary matter, it could have been a *very good* thing to pursue rare opportunities like extra calories or novel mates with special enthusiasm. For all we know, this kind of brain was a genetic advantage in environments where both were scarce. The fact that 64% of Americans are overweight and half of those obese, suggests this kind of brain sensitivity (or stress?) is commonplace.[/quote]

Yes exactly, what you say is true. That's why such a person should logically explain to him/herself that in the end, considering the big picture, you are not actually getting that much. You are not doing something that is positive for you, it's negative. Considering all the factors, it's negative. It's not even happiness, it's something that you may seem to need badly, not to be able to resist but it's harmful. The new brain should logically override the mammalian brain so this issue can be overcome.

Sometimes the reason I still

Sometimes the reason I still desire a Fleshlight even now is that I conclude that masturbation may always be a part of my life and not something that I can completely irradicate. Therefore, if it is something I will have to live with, then at least I shouldn't be using my hand and squeezing so hard.

After ditching the Fleshlight, I found it completely unsatisfying when masturbating with my hand, and didn't find that it provided any stimulation. It just felt like a tight grip and was both tiring and could potentially produce repetitive strain injury. At least the FL felt more gentle.

Also, I was sometimes able to use the FL without any porn, just as a sensation in itself, even without any fantasy involved. It was purely a physical sensation without any mental visualisation. It certainly was satisfying and stimulating enough in itself to use without porn, although I tended to still use porn simply because I was addicted to the erotic images of naked women doing various sexual things and wanted to feel some connection to them.

I often wonder whether, if masturbation will always be there in my life, the Fleshlight is the lesser of two evils between viewing porn as an aid to masturbation or using the Fleshlight as a masturbation device as an end in itself.

So...

Do you feel more satisfied when having real sex or when using FL (with or without porn images) ?
What is the difference for you between real sex and FL? Which one would you prefer and why? In what way the sensations are different during sex and FL?
Thank you!

Think about giving

both the FL and your hand a rest for now. Smile The FL will still be there in a couple of months.

Meanwhile, do what you can to elevate your mood. Vigorous exercise? Yoga? Tai Chi? You can probably find these last two free on the web. Time in nature? Would Elle like to take a walk??? Wink

I've been exercising fairly

I've been exercising fairly regularly over the past year using the weights I have at home. That does help, although when I'm very depressed I feel no motivation to do any kind of activity. I do quite a lot of creative things too, but again when depressed that affects my ability to do anything, and sometimes I feel like I can barely function.

Unfortunately, "Elle" wouldn't like to take a walk, or do anything with me one on one. :( She would barely even want to talk to me on the phone and if I were to ring her, she would want to get off the phone as soon as possible as even that seems to make her uncomfortable. Our conversations these days barely consist of a "hi, how are you" and that's practically it. We could talk more once, but not really now, and she certainly won't ask me anything about myself, almost as if she fears that even this would be showing an interest in me, when all it would be is polite conversation. I don't think she will ever feel completely comfortable around me, and the fact that she is always uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable too, and then it becomes a vicious circle.

Also, from past experience, it's not really possible to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that she'll be okay with things if say, I've spent X amount of time around her (even in the presence of others) or have said or done certain things. With other people you might think, okay, they will be okay about it, but with her it always turns out that she isn't, and I later find out that she feels really uncomfortable for something fairly innocent on my part. I think she has some of her own issues with self esteem (even though she is stunningly beautiful) and almost needs a "handsome" man to boost her ego. Someone like me doesn't do that, even though I have complimented her many times before.

I don't think I've ever met someone so afraid of or uncomfortable around me - I don't know if it's just our particular personalities (but it wasn't always like this) or is it to do with the porn and the fact that I kept masturbating to a porn star who looked like her? Has that been the downfall of our friendship?

Sounds like

you need to let her go. Just tell yourself "she has been a positive chapter in your life." Sounds crazy, but that's actually a far better way to disconnect than to pine about what was unsatisfying.

Can you get some exercise outside instead? Vigorous walking or jogging?

As for your last questions, I am not an oracle. Wink But there is one at this site. Ask it. http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/inner_wisdom_oracle

Hi, I had an experience a

Hi,

I had an experience a few months ago where I struggled to maintain an erection with a girl. I attributed it to overstimuli from porn and the 'death grip'.

I recently bought a fleshlight with the lotus insert - the one they say is the most realistic feeling. It is textured but supposedly in a specific way so that it feels like a vagina. For me so far it seems to be but it's very early days.

I've completely cut out porn for the last week and used this instead of my hand twice in that time. The first time it was really difficult to finish, I take a long time to finish anyway even with my hand, but I was starting to worry part way through when it wasn't getting me there and I was starting to lose it.

The second time it was much better though. The orgasm is definitely more intense that with my hand and takes a longer time arriving, but it's better when it does and I think the lack of visual stimulus is helping me at least. I'm hoping to examine the results in a week or two and see if I think it's improving things.

I made a rule with myself that the only times I would masturbate would be if I got a genuine erection without helping it along visually or with rubbing, I'm hoping the combination of getting more used to being away from the death grip and avoiding porn and 'addictive' masturbation that it will help.

Has anyone tried this pattern before? If the results are already out there I'd like to know so I can change the behaviour if they're bad.

a fleshlight can't compare to a warm wet female'

that laughs at my jokes even if they aren't funny :)
but seriously even in terms ofof the physics - not even close in terms of:
sensation, perfect regulated body temperature warmth, absolutly perfect lubrication, grip - all far inferior in a latex toy.
i use a sleeve and love the fact that it's pale in comparison - only as i'm trying to cure ED by
:#1 getting OFF PORN, and
#2 getting used to less firm overstimulation than my hand during edging.
if a fleshlight is a problem for someone - it's a problem.
but respectfully it almost read this post as one of those advertiser, turned to blogging testimonials to give validity to products. it' the same for supplements. they are written to appear as spontaneously written by users, but at some point have a link they 'share' with the reader. anyway i'm not accusing, just pointing out A) they stimulation is relatively weak and that for me that is a good thing - as it's not compelling enough to compete with getting witha woman

Suggestion:

Suggestion:

Will it help if you masturbate with fleshlight 5 times a day until you can't stand up and have no semen left and no energy left, and then associate that feeling to masturbation, and then feel the fear of repeating that ever ever again????

Using pain as a stimulus to avoid.

fleshlights

I am new to this site, and stumbled on it from a google search about fleshlights. Ive had a FL for a few years but only recently have been using it a lot. Im in a relationship and I had been having problems with sexual addiction outside of the relationship, which I wanted to stop. I had justified outside sex partners because I dont like manual masturbation, and I wasnt getting sex at home, so I simply needed some kind of release. But the FLs provide a GREAT release, so it has helped me stop seeking outside sex partners.

I hadnt imagined I had a FL addiction, but perhaps it is true. All I know is that I use it more and more (used to be once per month, now it's several times per week, and sometimes twice per day), and I have to say the orgasms I get in it have always been absolutely mind-blowing. Purely physically it is as good or better than the very best intercourse Ive ever had.

I do not grab the FL and wank with it, btw; I make it stationary and move my hips into it --- I find that that movement provides a very long intense orgasm that is far superior to receiving oral sex - my former mainstay.

Given my situation, do you people think I have a problem? I know the ideal would be sex with my partner but for now that isnt working out. I feel the FL has provided me a great relief and made me a much calmer and more productive man. It may sound weird but I am fully sexually satisfied with it. This is the first time in many years I haven't felt an obsessive need to hunt for sex with other people.