Porn deterrents

Submitted by darksim on
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I'm suffering from insomnia at the moment (probably a withdrawal symptom) so that's why I'm posting a lot at night. :)

I was thinking about something and wondering if anyone else thought the same way at all.

I've sometimes found that when I've had downloaded porn on my computer, it somehow acts as a deterrent to seeking out more porn. What I've often found is that it's the hunt or the search for porn that seems to bring excitement. It's almost as if, when I don't have any porn at all, I will want to automatically go and look for porn. But if there is something there already, then I can sometimes not even bother to look for any and might even go a while without using any. It's almost the knowledge of knowing that something is there and can be accessed any time, so you might not bother with it. An analogy I can give to perhaps explain it is like when you live in a city full of landmarks but you never tend to visit them because you know that they are always there. However, as a tourist, you might make more of an active effort to go and look at them. It almost feels the same way with porn that is there and porn you have to seek out.

I know that there can also be the temptation to want to look at the existing porn on my computer, but often I don't always feel the desire to, so not looking at something that exists (and not seeking out new porn) is marginally better than not having anything on the computer at all and seeking out new material.

Now this might sound like a ridiculous concept and I'm not in any way justifying having porn on my computer, because the ideal solution would be to not have ANY porn there and not to want to go and look for porn either.

Does anyone think the situation I've described is in any way an acceptable (temporary) solution that can act as a deterrent? Or should I completely purge my computer of this and deal with the consequences (and withdrawal)?

I think this could be a

I think this could be a dangerous experiment. Eventually temptations or triggers will get the best of you. In my personal opinion I see this more as a way of tricking yourself to think that having some porn is okay. Besides, how can a solution be a solution if it's temporary. Just a thought.

Yes, this is precisely what

Yes, this is precisely what I've thought many times, which is why I've always ultimately gotten rid of the porn of my computer. It does seem like a rationalisation at the time and a way of tricking myself. As I said above, the ideal solution is to not have any and not want to seek for any either.

The thing is why is it so hard for me to want to get rid of it completely? Is it something I fear? As if I will be without a safety cushion of some kind?

That's exactly it. You want

That's exactly it. You want a safety cushion because without it life would seem empty. You have to find a better solution to fill that void. I've abstained from PMO for nearly two months. I can relate to your post about not having a romantic partner. I am in my mid-thirties and feel like finding a partner seems hopeless at times. But eventhough I have these feelings from time to time, my outlook on life has improved. The further along I have stayed away from porn, the more distant it seems. My confidence is up because that shame of using porn that I once felt has emptied itself. It's left me much more confident in life and with my interactions with women.

I would encourage you to give porn completely. You even said that you don't seemed to enjoy it anymore. It's time for a positive change so why wait?

Dude, get rid of all the

Dude, get rid of all the porn.

If you want to quit then you need to learn how to handle the fact that your computer is empty and clean.

Train yourself so that as soon as you feel the urge to hunt for porn you turn your attention elsewhere.

Do you want to quit or do you REALLY want to quit?

Well I've deleted all the

Well I've deleted all the porn off my computer since last night. At the moment I'm okay with it, but I know from past experience that within a few days (or sometimes even hours) I suddenly feel the urge to seek out more again to replace that which was lost.

Also, one thing I should've mentioned is that one reason (not that it is justified) that I have sometimes kept porn on my computer is because I don't want to end up spending money on pay porn sites again, as it is a waste of money. My reasoning has been (although again not correctly) that it is to prevent me from spending further (sometimes even buying the same thing over again).

And as for your question "Do you want to quit or do you REALLY want to quit?" - well, I do really want to quit, but there is also a struggle within me, in that part of me doesn't want to quit but would prefer to hold on, while the other half of me would love to be free of these shackles and desires and never wants to look at this kind of material again. I wish I could maintain that desire to want what is right.

Purge your computer of it

Purge your computer of it all. The more steps you have between you and the porn the greater chance you will have to catch yourself before you are back into it. I do know what you mean by wanting to keep it there, so you do not feel like you are depriving yourself of it. I took the same approach to smoking and drinking, I had a 12 pack and a pack of cigarettes in the house as a safety net.

That approach completely failed me many times with porn, the access is too quick and easy. About a year or so after realizing I may have a porn addciton, I am still battling it- and that is with router blocking and blocking software. Get a strong mind about kicking the stupid porn and dump it fully. Write down a reason- or some reminder- of the strongest feeling you feel that causes you to want to give the porn up. That feeling fades as some time goes on as your mind wants to get a fix from the porn. Having a reminder of how low you feel after a porn bunge will help keep you on track.

Forget about the money, getting away from porn is far more valuable than a few bucks spent on it. It was a waste to spend the money on it in the first place, and it will get you nowhere.

"but I know from past

"but I know from past experience that within a few days (or sometimes even hours) I suddenly feel the urge to seek out more again to replace that which was lost"

Yes, but you need to learn how to handle this urge if you ever want to live a life free of porn.

You can't rely on software or keeping porn on the computer or any other technique that doesn't address the real root of the addiction.

Having a knife in the drawer doesn't mean you'll stab yourself

Sure, get rid of it but don't make a big thing of it to your mind. Don't dwell on it and don't mentally reward yourself for doing it. Think about it: really its irrelevant whether you get rid of it or not. What's hurting you is using the stuff. You can have a knife in the cupboard and you'll be fine as long as you don't stab yourself with it. The fact is that even if you got rid of your porn collection you're only ever a click away from more so the only way to actually avoid it is to train yourself not to want it at all.

Even when you inevitably see porn in the future you've got to train yourself to think of it as worthless and harmful. Not women you understand, porn. Understand and meditate on the difference between the two. Replace a negative compulsion with a positive conviction to seek out the good in people and then finding women who you can nurture and who can nurture you will become easier. Find some men who are like minded for friends too, not your average jocks. Work on your conversation and communication skills.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal