Are we ever cured?

Submitted by freedom on
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Are we ever cured? Or is this like being an alcoholic, albeit where perhaps much of the world is in the same boat?

Can we tell when we achieve balance? Balance seems like an awfully hard position to maintain. Maybe one can avoid the extremes on both ends, but true balance is a feat. I happened to be watching some random thing on TV and a Hawaiian women who heads a trade alliance spoke of harmony as a better substitute for balance. I have to ponder that some more, but I like the thought. This isn't like alcohol where you can just stay away. I'm at awareness...but I don't know how close I've come to balance. I don't even know if I can get entirely to balance without a partner. It seemed easier in the beginning, but there have rough weeks along the way. I can't even imagine if I were in the perhaps more addicted position of some others here. I feel their pain just reading some of these posts. The process of going from imbalance to balance seems at times (in the moment, not the big picture) worse than the imbalance. That helps perpetuates imbalance and can be really discouraging. Maybe I need to do more positive activities, but I'm busy. I'm in a stressful academic/professional environment that causes many people to have all sorts of mental health issues. I've tried to reach out and be social and I'm making progress, but progress is slow and imbalance continues. This is important to me. I just wish there were some way to move the process along because it is like walking around with a mental boat anchor. Maybe that anchor was there before, but now that I know it feels real heavy. That heaviness is stressful because it hurts my performance. It is a little strange to think how my life might have been if this all never happened. At least I've found out now. There is more than one way to each goal and I'll be that much ahead of the pack mentally down the road.


Yes, I believe

that healing is possible. But I also believe that you will always be susceptible to spiraling down if you blast your brain with too much stimulation and don't self-correct fairly quickly (with a time-out). I suspect most brains are set up to do this...with both superstimulating goodies and superstimulating sexual cues, so, as you say, you're not alone.

I'm sorry you're in a stressful situation. That makes it harder. So does being on your own. Can you find any time for socializing? Meditating? Exercise? Walks in nature?

You're right. Balance is much easier with a partner. I honestly don't think most of us are set up for celibacy, so achieving a workable balance while on your own is indeed tougher. Once you feel fairly stable, you may be able to come up with a masturbation schedule (without porn) that lets you cope without escalation. There are also the "Solo Practices" on the wiki page, which can sometimes move the energy around so it doesn't drive you nuts

If you've ever done sports or yoga that require balance, you know it's actually a very dynamic process, with constant, often subconscious, self-corrections. That can be a useful image. Here's what I wrote a friend about what I see going on in this forum, just in case you find it inspiring:

...even more needed is research showing how long it takes the brain to return to normal responsiveness after different degrees of overstimulation by various means. Once that's common knowledge (and what withdrawal symptoms look like), people will be much better equipped to make their own experiments.

I see this on my site a lot. The men get a sense of direction, and then they know the price of a slip. They can still indulge if they choose, but they know the cost, and they know what to expect during recovery, and they know why they don't want to stay in the spiral. They become confident and delightfully cocky...and yet wise at the same time. It's beautiful to watch.

This is happening to you, too. Trust.

I'm trying most of the

I'm trying most of the balancing activities as I have time. One of the problems is that it takes a lot of mental energy to do well at what I do and also a lot of energy to succeed in rewiring myself. In trying to to both. I'm not doing particularly well at either. That's frustrating. My brain often seems foggy and my motivation might not be on the right task at the right time. I might be reading other books instead of stuff I need to be reading. It sometimes seems like it is impossible to to both simultaneously, but that is the challenge I'm faced with. I'm hoping that a partner can help. I don't like to feel like I need partner, but maybe I do at the moment...not to complete me as much as provide that added boost, motivation, socialization, and love. In my ideal partnership we would positively challenge each other and grow together.