Why do women do this?

Submitted by JustSomeone on
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I am having a hard time right now. The urge to M/O has been very strong the past few days.

There is a woman where I work with nice size breasts and today she is wearing a new blouse that is lower cut than any one I have ever seen her wear. It is very revealing.

I cannot stop thinking about her breasts. My heart is pumping hard. I am distracted and am keep looking towards her cubicle to see if she is standing up or bending over.

Why do women wear clothes like this? Is is so that men will look at them or do they not realize what they are doing?

Attention is the reason most

Attention is the reason most of the time I believe. (At least in my part of the world!)
Believe it or not, deep down, now matter how much they disagree a lot of women wear revealing clothing for one simple reason, they like to see men looking at them. It makes them feel attractive when they see guys staring at them, especially certain body parts of theirs that they like to flaunt. This could be for a variety of reasons, but I think the most common is the woman/girl wants to feel special and attractive, which to be fair you can't exactly blame them for, its in human nature to want to feel special and attractive. :)

An example encountering this in my own life is my friends girlfriend has rather large breasts, but recently put on some weight, not loads, but enough for you to to notice, lets put it that way, since then, I've noticed an increase in her wearing low-cut tops and more revealing shirts, I think she just wants to feel more attractive and is confident in the size of her breasts, so they give her an extra boost in her self esteem, knowing people will be looking at them, not the weight she's put on.

It's kind of sad really, but with all of the hyper-stimulation and porn around, breasts/revealing clothes are all that turns most men on so a lot of women have to dress like that, but with abstinence we can see other parts of a woman too and appreciate women for their smile, their hair, etc. Not on the size of their jugs or how short their skirt is.

I think if more women were told they were beautiful by the men in their lives, they wouldn't have to dress like that. :)

Not all women take compliments well

[quote=20UK]
I think if more women were told they were beautiful by the men in their lives, they wouldn't have to dress like that. :)[/quote]

Not all women take compliments well. Some only accept it from guys whom they think they would like. If other guys tell them they are beautiful, some just freak or read too much into it. It shouldn't automatically mean you like them.

It almost seems as if women also do this as it gives them some kind of control over men, or so they believe.

I personally don't like women with big breasts, so if they're flaunting it with lots of cleavage, it's actually a turn off and won't have me starring at it. Or if I do stare, it's like when someone might stare at something that is an eyesore.

The men in our lives...

[quote=20UK] I think if more women were told they were beautiful by the men in their lives, they wouldn't have to dress like that. :)[/quote]

Funny thing is, when a man compliments a woman on her appearance when she's wearing something like that, what does that teach the woman?

I'm blessed that my husband gives me compliments in both my natural state and my dressed up state.

We had gone on a cruise and had taken lots of pictures. My husband had a few blown up because he liked them so much. One of the pictures of me he'd enlarged I hated. I had no make-up on, my smile was crooked, my hair was a mess, and I didn't like the outfit I had on. I asked him how he could like such an awful picture of me. He said it was because my smile was genuine and he remembered how happy we were at that moment. I recently appologized to him for the fuss I made about that picture. He's told me time and time again that no matter what I look like, he always sees the same beautiful woman.

Often it is for attention but...

often they don't even think about it. They don't see themselves through testosterone eyes.

Also, when a woman has a larger chest it is quite difficult to find clothes that fit propperly without looking frumpy or matronly.

My husband wanted to buy our family t-shirts at a concert. I knew this in advance and wore a higher cut tank top under another shirt because I didn't know what we'd find at the concert to fit my chest. I'm self conscious about it now but a few years ago, I flaunted it.

If breasts weren't seen in such a sexual manner, then it wouldn't matter. Look at tribes in africa, untouched by the corruption of today's media, a bare chested woman is seen as beautiful, not a sexual object.

It's a tough world we live in.

I wish you the best today. I understand how difficult your day will be. Remind yourself of why you want to avoid certain behaviours and how much greater the feeling of acomplishing this goal will feel than slipping.

Female breasts are

Female breasts are over-sexualized...the entire body is in general. I think there are other issues at play in this situation. For example, I try to assess a women's face because I think subtle face features and movements reveal a lot. I'm still trying to figure out why some girls glow...is it my perception or reality? I try not to stare, especially if she is revealing too much, because then she assumes I'm staring at her breasts. It's a catch 22 because I can't really look at all...she wants the look, but gets little to none. I get distracted not by her breasts, but by the fact that I can't really look in her direction.

I think women look best without makeup. I've had that debate with some women and it never goes over well. Women are brainwashed by the industry. Natural beauty is the best. Women weren't made with glitter lips or whatever for a reason. I also think men need the cues of seeing the health of a women's skin, wrinkles, etc. and make up makes that impossible.

We aren't brainwashed...

[quote=freedom]Women are brainwashed by the industry. Natural beauty is the best. [/quote]

I don't think the cosmetic industry is to blame for women *wearing* makeup (but perhaps for buying more of it)...as a woman, I have been given cues throughout my lifetime as to when I look pretty and when I don't look quite as pretty. There was a study done where they showed men photos of women with and without makeup and they consistently chose the photos of the women with makeup (except when they were ovulating, then the men had no preference, lol!).

My lover told me once that he loved that I don't wear makeup--but I do!! I wear foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara, powder, all of it! I think it has more to do with the "degree" or over-application that bothers some men...but if they saw a woman with a "natural" amount of makeup, they would think that looks prettier than none at all. Just my experience through the years of being a woman who wears makeup most of the time, but not all of the time.

rediscovered

Excellent thoughts~

"They don't see themselves through testosterone eyes."

Such a good point here.

A woman's breasts are beautiful and I don't see much difference between showing them off a little to the world and a man wearing something to show off his biceps or chest (or tight jeans, for that matter). Just a matter of being proud of what you've got, I guess.

It's all in how you look at others and the world. If you feel seeing a woman's skin/cleavage is erotic, then that is how you will see it. If you see it as something beautiful to look at, then your perception will change.

This conversation could lead to a discussion of countries where women aren't allowed to even show their hair, etc. It seems silly to us, but it's all in the perception.

rediscovered

Thanks

[quote=Orchid]I wish you the best today. I understand how difficult your day will be. Remind yourself of why you want to avoid certain behaviours and how much greater the feeling of acomplishing this goal will feel than slipping.[/quote] Thanks, Orchid. I appreciate it.

I've noticed that Muslim

I've noticed that Muslim women abroad might cover their entire body, but wear bright red glasses. I guess the glasses there are like a low cut dress here - one highlights eyes and the other breasts. It's all beautiful. We're mis-programed to focus on only certain parts. It might be an interesting exercise to pick a body part and try to see the beauty for a day. Then pick a different part the next day and so on.

Let us know how you get on, JustSomeone

These cues (things your brain associates with the "medicine" of porn) are always tough during the reboot. Their power will fade, however, with time.

It's really hard for women to navigate today as far as dress code goes. I don't think it's an accident that as men are watching more porn, women are dressing more and more like porn stars. Numb brains only respond to cues they associate with pleasure, and women have traditionally used their sexiness as a way to motivate men to fertilize them.;-)

But this makes it really tough for you guys as you begin to return your brains to balance. You're hyper-sensitive to those cues at first. This makes you "blame" the women for your discomfort. (Same reason men burned witches who showed up in their wet dreams.) I guess the way I see it is that today's over-sexualized environment is a problem that sets everyone on a downward spiral...and pulling out of it is tough at first.

The good news is that when you are truly back in balance, you'll be able to see someone like her, think, "nice knockers," and then just get on with your day...without all the angst. Smile

Ahhh...without all the angst. I like that.

[quote=Marnia] I guess the way I see it is that today's over-sexualized environment is a problem that sets everyone on a downward spiral...and pulling out of it is tough at first. [/quote]

Learning that it's a downward spiral is really important to recovery. Hearing success stories give you hope and faith that it can be done.

As hard as recovery is at first, it does get easier if you stay focussed on the bigger goal. Working at recovery is work. It's not going to happen over night. I've been working on it for 4-5 years. I still have a slip now and then, but just like a kid on a bike, I will keep getting back on 'till I can ride it without falling down.

natural selection & evolution explain why women look good :)

My take on all this is that if women were predominantly unattractive to men and vice versa the population would be declining not expanding. Mating to have children is part of the survival of the species - simple as that. In a world without pornography men would be more sensitive to the natural forms of women, it would be easier for men in natural circumstances to fall for women of no particular beauty and for women in similar circumstances to not have to feel like they have to compete with what men hooked on pornography may perceive as the "perfect image" of a willing women.

Women are competing for men in the same way that men compete for women mainly by providing them with what they percieve it is that men are looking for. E.g. Men may be looking for strong healthy looking women that will provide them with healthy children. Women may be looking for men whom they feel can provide for children or maybe just provide some genetic variation for their offspring. Probably women are more selective about who they mate with because they alone must bear the huge genetic investment of childbirth and often also child-rearing. The problem with pornography is that it is a huge propaganda machine that feeds women with false ideas about what men want while at the same time providing men with completely unrealistic expectations of what women are. The younger that the person is when they access pornography the more impressionable they are likely to be - it may have terrible repercussions on their emotional development and lead to problems that persist for years into adulthood.

Part of human nature that is sometimes overlooked in terms of sexuality is our need to form friendships and relationships. I think this is because sex has become increasingly perceived as a mechanical act and less of an experience requiring commitment and bonding to a partner. However we must not overlook or forget our evolutionary roots - that we are a social species that works well in families and teams given the right situation. Social attributes may be high up on the list of desirable elements in a prospective partner, and both sexes may well be looking for these subconsciously. Depression and alienation occur when we cannot communicate with each other, meaning that shy men and women or people who become withdrawn due to compulsive masturbatory behaviour may find it unlikely that they will attract anyone of the opposite sex. Introspection is bad for the soul.

Fortunately it's an everyday event that men make friends with men, women with women, men with women, women with men. Given that pornography usually (and some would argue always) degrades women, and that women often don't like to have to put on an act to impress (unless there is good reason to) - is it any wonder that so many men on this website attest that, after giving up pornography and lecherous behaviour they find that making friends with women becomes easier? Most people want to trust their friends and after a little while once the flirting has taken place and the trust is built a sexual relationship seems to be a natural and obvious course of events to follow (and it's good fun too).

Let's not forget that if you're lucky enough to get to this stage and you've read Marnia's work regarding Karezza, you have an opportunity to explore the full spectrum of feelings that nurturing arousal, comforting and bonding can engender between the sexes. For me and many others this is a work in progress, but to describe it as work sounds kind of silly.

thanks for reading,

Brenmal

Why women do this?

I think there are as many reason as there are women. Personally I find women a complete delight in all their forms and beauty. I've said it before, women make being alive worth while, at least for me. If a woman wishes to dress provocatively I will drink in her beauty in the way she chooses to display herself. And I will do it respectfully, not groping her mentally but enjoy her like one enjoys the fragrance of a flower. I understand that an attractively dressed woman can incite feelings in a man that for some can be an anoyance or distraction, like an agitation, too much stimulation. Like one approaches karezza with a receptive, gentleness that does not excite stimulation. The same can be done with a clothed woman who is not your partner. Breath her in and thank her internally for the gift that she gives through her feminine beauty. That agitated excitement that a woman can cause, just by her mere presence, is the same thing that brings a man to a quick ejaculation. If one can, its a great place to start receiving feminine radiance in daily life. It seems the feminine form challenges the male psyche on many levels. Try turning it from agitation to a dance form between masculine and feminine engery.

Not to mention, done well and respectfully, women light up from attention. Its a wonderful thing to see and I love offering it. All the negativity around this subject can be turned around and enjoyed with the right attitude invigorating both the man and woman.

I second that sentiment.

I second that sentiment.

Quizure

A thoroughly beautiful woman and a thoroughly homely woman are creations which I love to gaze upon, and which I cannot tire of gazing upon, for each is perfect in her own line. Mark Twain