The 'Zone'

Submitted by 1step@time on
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Hey guys, just wanted to share the idea of the zone. By this I mean the frame of mind that I get into before I 'fail' ( that is cheat, self stimulate, view, etc.). My rationale loses control. I know it's wrong, that the short term benefit of pleasure and release is followed by long term loss of energy, inability to think clearly, introverted transformation from normally extroverted personality, wanting to be left alone, a loss of emotional intelligence, etc. ( I could go on!). I mean my pleasure center totally takes over, seems that it gets my rational part of the brain to think that this is going to be my last time, that I need this to get on with whatever short term challenge I'm facing. It's an ugly side. It's like I have two people living inside my. This dark self emerges when enough time has passed that it needs a fix, when stress level rises, when I'm lonely, anxious, nervous, or even when bored. Can u guys relate to this or is this just unique to me? My solution is such a response to stress,boredom, loneliness, anxiety etc emerged from a learned behaviour, by associating this behaviour to stressful times, where the euphoric pleasure was the glue that reinforced such behaviour. So I have to unlearn this behaviour. I believe it is not enough to just not do the behaviour. The reason I turned to self stimulation was because it was pleasurable. I believe I have to substitute such a harmful but pleasurable response with a healthy but pleasurable response. This pleasurable response may take the form socializing ( call some people to just talk, ), going for a run or working out, taking a nap, playing video games or playing with a pet. Anything thatvis healthy, or a least not harmful, that u enjoy doing must be substituted is what I'm proposing. Any suggestions are appreciated, thanks.

Shadow Self...

That's actually a Jungian thing. I think we all can identify with what you are going through.

It may be helpful though to realize that there will be many slip up's before you are PMO free. It is just not possible to have an immediate result with this practice. Most of us are here because we had long term issues with PMO and found a free, rational and respectful place on the web where we can work out these issues together.

I'm still amazed at how far I've come in so little time. I think about PMO much less, I have a girlfriend who knows all about my issues and we are consciously not orgasming with each other in favor of lots of bonding when we are together.

In your case just keep doing what you are doing. I first started the journey to this website long before I found it. I decided to quit porn three years ago and had lots of ups and downs along the way. At first I thought it was just too hard or even impossible to quit. Then I got serious this year and I've had a few slips but have largely been porn free since May. That's a huge change.

Incidentally guilt plays a big role in binges because if we slip up we tend to beat ourselves up and then that "shadow" will say something like "fuck it I already slipped I might as well go and find my favorite porn now and wank to my hearts content." Fortunately I haven't done that in awhile and I don't feel as guilty about porn slips any more. I just tell my girlfriend, who is supportive and who holds me accountable, then we hug a lot and don't do anything below the waist.

However you want to think about it that angel and that devil will be sitting on each shoulder and you've got to make it easier to choose the angel. Things aren't as bad as they seem. You will be porn free and maintain your equilibrium longer and longer the more you stay committed. Good luck.

I can identify with this

I can identify with this "zone" you've described completely. As I said in another post, it's almost as if you are on auto pilot, as if you are compelled against your will to do engage in the sexual act and simply cannot think straight at the time. Even when ways out are provided, it's as if you can ignore those exits (or override them) and press forward with single mindedness until your sexual appetite is satisfied (which it usually isn't even upon orgasm).



It's an acronym to help notice triggering times.

H = Hungry
A = Angry
L = Lonely
T = Tired

HALT is something I learned on another website a few years ago and it's helped me a lot.

You can google "acronym HALT" to get a better idea of how these emotions affect our triggers.

I hope this helps.