What do you want?

Submitted by 1step@time on
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After briefly looking over the forum topics, I didn't come across what many of us are expecting from successful recovery. So the main question I was wondering is what each of you is chasing from this journey to overcome PMO. What do you guys want from abstinence and what are your expectations of life without this dirty habit. My expectation of the pot at the end of the rainbow is more clarrity, higher focus and concentration, and motivation regarding the important things in life (relationships, family, career, giving back to community, physical health, etc.). About a year ago I didn't think these things were possible from abstaining but I went a full 20 some days and definitely noticed a positive correlation. I've been in the hole for a long time and lost the memory of life without brain blasting euphoric release. I'm sure my pot is filled with such aforementioned improvements. What's your expectation of the rewards from successfully completing ur individual goals and how do u know they are tied to recovery? Cheers.

Pretty much all that you

Pretty much all that you mentioned above. I felt the difference and I get tastes of clarity, lack of social anxiety, better thinking habits, better response from women. I feel like I become the person that I am/want to be when I touch this feeling. Thats what I want to keep continuing. This depression cloud took years to descend on me, it gradually took over my thinking and feeling over the years without me realizing what was happening. To see this effect start to reverse has to be one of the most amazing things Ive ever experienced. To see the shame go down and the confidence rise is mesmerizing. I like watching the garbage drop off me and the dead weight lift.

As far as my goals? At this point, I dont really have any goals with sobriety. I know its not a linear process and it defies my attempt to compulsively approach this like everything else Ive approached and tainted in my life and habits.

Brighter and saner days :)

Courage is knowing what not to fear.
-Plato

I want to feel `normal'

I want to feel `normal' again. To not have this curse (because that's what it feels like) hanging over me, around my shoulders, waiting in the shadows for me to slip-up again. To get some balance back into my life, think normal things, look at the world through normal eyes, without any stupid sexual urges popping into my brain randomly at any given moment.

I do know that when I stay away from the MB and porn, I do start to feel easier with myself. I am now attempting to go on a long run with this, and stop anymore slip-ups happening. It's just having the determination to ride through the waves of the addiction, and when the urge comes back (because it always does) how you cope with not giving in to it.

I have found that the more you resist it though, you start to train your brain into doing this, which helps massively. The urges still come back, but you become into a scenario which you've been in before, it is not new anymore. The more you fight the urges, and overcome them, it makes you stronger. You get into the habit of doing this.

That's how I've felt when doing this anyway....

My goal

is to be in a relationship eventually (right now I would say with my ex gf) where the goal is not orgasm, to practice karezza and actually be able to feel the energy in my heart and rest of my body (I understand the ideas, just never truly experienced them). This is my second oldest addiction, food being the first. I am 25 now and have been masturbating to images for almost 20 years. I guess another goal would be for me to learn how to forgive myself when I do slip up, not be so hard on myself :)

I'd say

that starting with the second goal would be a great idea. Your brain is designed to fire up for sexual cues. It just isn't necessarily well suited for today's abundance and extremeness of them. In other words, there's nothing to be ashamed about. So you made an experiment. So you aren't liking the results and it's time to try a different one. Big deal. This is all the laboratory of life. Get used to it.

Age five is kind of early to start using porn. What happened? Did you just get lucky? Wink

As for karezza, your girlfriend will probably have some say in that choice, too. Good luck persuading her when the time arrives!

I did not have

access to pornographic images. i distinctly remember a show called silk stalkings though (I may have been closer to 7ish) that had the hottest opening sequence. And I used to masturbate like 5 times in a row since I wasn't ejaculating. I would also use naked barbie dolls (thank christ this is a somewhat anonymous forum). And then when Aol 2.0 arrived which was just great as far as porn goes. What's interesting about addiction is that addicts tend to live in a private self defined world with it's own rules and what not. While I have reservations and insecurities about sharing here, I know that it will serve to break down these self defined walls (hahaha listen to me after one day).

A sense of intimacy

is very healthy. Gary has often pointed out that if we were still in tribes, we'd be far less susceptible to addictions because our brains are set up to regulate themselves via close trusted companionship and regular touch, lots of exercise, etc. No wonder so many people are using dopamine boosters to try to feel good. Their brains are looking for missing rewarding feelings. So yes, take full advantage of the anonymous aspect of the forum.

Your story reminds me of another friend's. He was masturbating so much in first grade that his teacher asked his father to speak with him. He remembers his dad telling him nicely, "No twinkle twitching in class." Wink At least you got the privacy angle right from the start, no? Smile

Given that genetic success drives evolution, it's no wonder that you're such an enthusiastic gene producer. But, honestly, it's sometimes a nuisance to be at biology's beck and call constantly. You may find you like greater balance as you get there.

What are you finding helps you best in feeling balanced? Exercise? Time in nature? Music? ??

Exercise

is what I should be doing. The thing is that I turn everything into a religion so that I can feel the guilt. If I jay owe when I'm trying not to I feel the same guilt as if I committed a sin. Similarly, when I don't work out I feel guilty. I came across this article today, http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/You_Really_Can_Learn_to_Love_Your_Bod..., which was nice but really just more thoughts for me which don't necessarily help. I'm a freaking yoga instructor that has difficulty maintaining a steady yoga practice (makes me feel like a fraud)

Try this. Kiss yourself. I

Try this. Kiss yourself. I know this sounds crazy. Just try it. Kiss your arm, your shoulder, anywhere you can reach without overdoing it (no one be a wise guy). Feel what it feels like to love yourself and your body. Report back because I'm curious of the efficacy of this for others.

OMG!!

I've totally done this while practicing yoga on my own (also while just sitting around on my own) and it is amazing!!! It makes me smile and laugh like a little kid. It's so silly but so effective, and when I do it in the right mindset (like right after I read your response) it makes me feel like it's ok to show affection to myself. It's just so not mainstream because our affections are normally directed outwardly.

Thanks for reminding me of this!!!!!!!

ps try it with load bearing joints. knees, ankles feet/toes. they work so hard for us without asking for any recognition.

I'll try rewarding those

I'll try rewarding those joints. Could this be the next late night TV telesales gimmick...'how to love your joints.'

Enjoy...that's what we're all here for. It's great not to know I'm imaging things. Sometimes I do wonder.

This might make an interesting exchange with a partner. As opposed to massage, try just kissing the soreness away. Or try mutual self kissing.