14 weeks porn free. Here's an update on what's been happening:
* Still porn free from the start of July. I've masturbated more than I should, which I'm not proud of. I've also read some erotic stories so I'll have to keep an eye on this. I also hurt my wrist playing soccer so I haven't been able to hit the gym, which is making me kind of restless.
* Salsa classes are back on again. There's some cute girls in my class. I'm going to see how that pans out. Salsa girl made another appearance which resulted in a night of freaky sex, but it's only a casual thing. I don't see her as girlfriend material. She's too young, random and clearly has a few issues with her ex-boyfriend and trust, which kinda rule that out of the equation. If I see her again though, I'll take it as it comes.
* Spanish classes are winding down for the year so I'll have to find another class to keep me sharp.
* I feel like I'm on top of the physical aspects of recovery. What I've realised lately is that I have not addressed mental side of my addiction. What led me to seek refuge in porn in the first place. The fact is I'm still pretty insecure around women and I'm still insecure about my sexual performance. These issues are going to take a lot longer to deal with I feel compared to addressing the physical side of my addiction. I'm not even sure how to go about dealing with them really. Kicking porn has helped a lot, but I still have this deep seated belief that I'm somehow different when it comes to girls and sex. It just seems to click naturally for most people and the whole courting experience and associated mating rituals still leave me feeling quite alienated. I feel I'm improving in regards to my self talk and self image but I don't feel complete yet.
It would be really interesting to hear from others who are having similar thoughts.