After about 23 days of abstinence I fell back for awhile. So I am starting over again. No big deal.
Anyway, I noticed something interesting and I am wondering if it is only me who feels this way or if others do too.
When I am in periods of P/M/O it seems that throughout my day I always in need of some sound or noise in the background. That is, I need the radio on, or TV on in the background, or some music playing on my computer. It's like I just can't take the quiet.
However, after I've been abstaining for awhile I noticed that I enjoy the quiet. I no longer need the sounds or noise in the background. In fact I seek out quietness when I can.
It's difficult to explain why I feel I need the noise other than to say it helps to drown out the noise in my head. I guess it is as if, because of the chemical chaos going on in my brain, my thoughts are in a state of chaos, and in order to get away from my internal chaos, the external noise provides my subconscious something to latch on to and keep it occupied.
Whereas when my chemicals are more in balance, my thoughts are more in balance and clearer. There is more internal peace and therefore I am able to enjoy the mental order of my thoughts and no longer require the medication of distraction.
Or, maybe I have no idea what I am talking about.
Thoughts or feedback?