Had a weird day today

Submitted by Jonte on
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I havn't been looking on internet porn or had an orgasm for two weeks today which feels good. But today something pretty weird happend. I had a free day today so I woke got out of bed around 10 am and checked the computer for a while. I guess I felt very bored or understimulated or so because I checked out the porn section on another forum (not only porn based, it has a lot of non-porn sections) where I found free-access to a big site with movies.

I got stuck there, saving and viewing movies for the whole day. I sat there for twelve hours straight without even eating. Basicly I had my "breakfast" at 9 pm and then I got back to the collector mode and collected movies for five hours more. I just finished off.. but I havn't masturbated while looking. Actually I havn't even been very close.

I guess my dopamine was running very high because I didnt got hungry during this time, and I still feel pretty buzzed out. The thing is that I didn't really watch the movies closely, I just looked through them fast, saved them very fast and saved the one I liked. I think the thing that I got superhooked on today was the search for the perfect clip and the collecting itself. I just think this is very weird.. I have never consumed in this extreme way ever before.

I have no idea what to do with the huge collection of super-stimulating movies I have on the computer right now. I guess I'll just delete them.. But I dont know, it just feels SAFE to have them on the computer. Is that the addict in me feeling out of control with out them, or would I just feel empty of I deleted them because the huge amount of time I put down to collect the perfect clips?

Well, I'm glad I didnt orgasm though. I think it will be interesting to see how I feel the next couple of days, If I will get a hangover from this even though I didnt masturbate. Maybe the massive dopamine relase that occur for me today will make some sort of hangover tomorrow? I guess I will just see tomorrow :)

And by the way.. this was a good wake up call for me that I really cant handle this. I need a plan when the urge kicks in. I have learned pretty well to handle the urge for masturbation but not really the urge for porn-viewing since this is another type of urge I think. I think this urge is an urge for excitment.

Interesting story

Yeah, the "thrill of the hunt" is definitely dopamine driven. Think of your ancestors going off to feed the tribe. They had to find it exciting, or everyone would have starved.;-)

Incidentally, there is a whole group of men who deliberately pass up orgasm so they can binge on porn for hours, just as you did. Orgasm causes a neurochemical letdown, while hit after hit of dopamine from finding and/or viewing can produce the altered, drug-like state of oblivion you describe so well here. You "check out" of all your problems and worries while you're high on dopamine from novel, stimulating videos...and the anticipation that builds during the hunt.

Yet, even without the letdown of a climax, too much dopamine can alter your mood for a while. Let us know if you notice anything. Here's a bit from an article I'm working on:

Ever heard of the rats that scientists wired so they could push a lever to self-stimulate their reward circuits? The rats hit the lever non-stop. The message that they needed another buzz was so persuasive that they ignored food, willing mates, and unweaned pups—until their final, fatal tap. Similarly, when scientists (decades ago) wired up humans the same way—thinking that they could cure depression by giving patients synthetic "pleasure"—the humans reported wanting more of the artificial stimulation, which was arousing. Yet they also reported that it made them anxious and didn't lead to sexual satisfaction. (Research itself: “Positive Reinforcement Produced by Electrical Stimulation of the Septal Area and Other Regions of Rat Brain,” http://www.wadsworth.com/psychology_d/templates/student_resources/015506... )

So, for some users, clicking to new vids can be like tapping the lever with an electrode in your reward circuitry. Sad

I should add that this group of men (who reported "edging to porn" for hours) are also the ones that coined the term "copulatory impotence," because many notice they can now only get it up for porn, and not during sex with a real partner. The group is for compulsive masturbators. It's called Onania. Their support group is here: http://groups.yahoo.com/adultconf?dest=/group/OnaniaSupport/

The thrill of the hunt and

The thrill of the hunt and the anticipation that buils up during the hunt is excactly what the drive was yesterday. And I was thinking of the same function that you mentioned too.. that it works for us when we really need to hunt something (which we really rarely needs in todays society, but the function is still there).

Another thing I noticed was that after I shut down and got ready to go to bed, I felt the exact same way that I could feel after I had played an interesting video game for a whole day, which happend sometimes when I was younger. I guess some video games also stimulates the reward circuits and activates "the thrill of the hunt".

And about lost libido, that wouldn't be fun at all. I havn't noticed and signs of it though.. I get turned on by intimicy and being close so hopefully that will continue Wink

Today I feel som effects from yesterday, but nothing major I think. I'm pretty sure I would feel alot more if i would have had an orgasm too. Which is good. And about the material that I collected last yesterday I don't feel so much for viewing it, nor looking for mor. Maybe that will change during the day or in a couple of days, however I have a feeling that I should keep it from now on. Its feels "good" somehow to just have it there, so I dont have to go looking for more, and so I can have a peek if I want which I dont plan to have though. But the feeling to keep it feels right at the moment.

If I do get very bored and my brain tells me to do something exciting (urge for reward) and I strongly feel for viewing it, I might as well delete it. Or not.

I wonder how a peek on it, lets say for 10 minutes, every now and then effects the recovery of the brain and the work for a balanced brain? I mean, I could keep it, have a peek from time to time without spending hours of searching for more or masturbating. Or, I could delete it and risk getting in the same state like yesterday where I wanna collect the best scenes for a whole day. A third alternative is of course to keep it but just dont lookt at it all, just to have it there.

A lot of wonderings regarding to keep it or not but I do think thats a pretty essential question. :)

Those are all good questions

and you are the scientist in your laboratory, so you can make whatever experiments you want. The question of whether "just looking" is a problem is addressed in this porn wiki:

What if I use porn without orgasm?

Basically, moderation is fine. But finding moderation that doesn't turn into a slippery slope is very tough with today's porn because it's so extremely enticing, and "just one more" is so easy to click to. My thought is that if you want to steer for moderation, skip the porn and steer for a moderate masturbation schedule. That's closer to what your ancestors experience was, and so that's probably more likely to be compatible with brain-chemical balance.

Follow up

Thank you for the wiki, from what I've read in it pornviewing when trying to stay away from frequent masturbation isn't really a good idea. And the end of this weekend told me the same thing.

So, I had downloaded a huge amount of favourite movies and I told my self that it was a good idea to just store them on my computer because that would make me stay away from falling into the extreme collecting behaviour again, that happend this friday. I aldready got the best that was out there, so why would I search for more?

Well, just knowing that all that extremely "good" movies was just right there one click away made me think about it all weekend. Why I was sitting in front of the computer I just had to take a peek, over and over again. So finally I started masturbate with the purpose of not ejaculating but I finally got so close that I couldn't resist doing it. To be honest it was a pretty extreme and intense feeling, I guess that was because I hadn't done it for two weeks plus all the sexual energy and cravings and dopamine that got build up for all the hours viewing that weekend. Anyway, I binged and masturbated several times during this weekend.

So now I'm back to day one which feels allright after all since I learned a lesson from it. Obviously, I dont benefit from saving pornography at all but more important I should avoid idle surfing in front of the computer. It all started when I was just checking my stuff at the morning, and after that I decided to just have a peek at something. And I now know what that peek resulted in.

So, while in front of the computer it might be better to be there with a purpose. For example checking this site, doing school stuff, e-mailing etc. When there is nothing more to do maybe its better to shut down and do something else. There are always other stuff do to, and I think the slentrian hanging at the net just triggers relapse. I dont think its good to be superstressed about idle surfing though, but maybe its good to have in the back of the mind that the possibility of just shutting down and doing something else is there.

So back on day one at the first of november. At least I wont have a problem of tracking the time this try.

And like you said, a scheduled masturbation from time to time without porn or any intense fantasy probably isn't that bad. But I start to think that the porn-addiction is stronger than the masturbation-addiction, at least for me. The urge of just having a peek can be very, very strong.

Thanks for the support Marnia.