New addict on a journey for balance

Submitted by synergy on
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Hi everyone,

I found this site when I needed it the most. I learned so much about the neurochemical effects of p/m/o from the clearly written articles on the main site. Thank you so much for the great resource! I decided to join the forum so I can keep track of my addiction recovery journey and to get some support when the going gets rough.

I'm a classic p/m/o addict. I've been riding that roller coaster for over 20 years now. I knew I had a major problem when I experienced erectile disfunction for the first time in my life a few weeks ago. Since then, I've been doing a lot of research on all matters of sexuality and I fortunately ended up here.

I've been "o" free for 5 days now (p/m free for 3) and I feel so much better. I'm setting a loose goal to stay p/m/o free until my first wet dream. I'll definitely take the advice from the welcome message and not be too crazy about it. I'm going to gently favor other things (e.g., playing guitar, working out, karezza with my girlfriend, etc) until I can determine the right "o" cycle for me. My ideal is to find some kind of balance in which I can enjoy p/m/o on occasion without the negative side effects (satiation depression, loss of sexual vigor and desire, etc.)

Anyways, I'm looking forward to talking to you all and continuing our wonderful journeys of self enrichment.

Welcome

Nice to meet you, Synergy.

You sound as though you have pretty reasonable and clear goals.

Best of luck.

High fives,
The Fonz 8)

Yep. And it happened only

Yep. And it happened only twice and it could have been due to other issues (stressful time of work at the time). I had been noticing weaker erections while watching porn for the last few years though.

I'm happy to report that my karezza sessions with my girlfriend has resulted in tremendous erections. It's great to enjoy sexual energy without having orgasm as a goal.

Question: Has anyone experimented with erotic literature since porn is out of the picture? Does it have similar effects of porn on the brain? Or could it still allow for recovery of stimulation from visual stimuli since it doesn't involve that area of the brain?

I'll answer my own question

I'll answer my own question as reading erotic literature lead to looking at some porn pics. I almost decided to m without o but I knew that wouldn't end well (or end too well depending on how you look at it). Time for some breathing exercises!

*big grin*

Yeah, you answered your own question. "More" always feels good in the short-term, but overstimulation has its price...which can linger for a few days. So pay attention. Wink

You may find less urge to look at hot stuff if you stay farther from The Edge during your karezza practice. Can you end your time together with a meditation of stillness while still connected? Try scissors position.

Good to have you here

It's interesting how the brain tolerates only so much decrease in sensitivity...and then bang! It gives you signals that something needs to change.

I have to say that I think of ED just like escalation to watching shockingly raunchy things and many other symptoms that can follow too much over-stimulation of the brain. Most appear to be reversible with time and consistency. Remember that our pleasure appetite mechanism in the brain is more delicate than we think. http://www.reuniting.info/are_you_numbing_your_appetite_for_pleasure If too much fattening food can throw it out of balance, it stands to reason that hyperstimulating videos could, too.

Anyway, glad you got the signal sooner rather than later. Hope you soon find the balance that's just right for you. Let us know how you get on if you try karezza. Wink

Great thread.. (5 days clean)

hi new here.. and im addicted to internet porn. i found this site while browsing for answers on consequences of excessive masturbation. and effects on brain/libido/behavior. Awesome site. Glad to be here..
In short, I've been "sober" now for 5 days clean and this site has helped TONS. In this time, i've explored the "history" of porn, its connectionwith corporate based media, and the purpose of this scum for the masses. (post later date) And I will do so until the thought of my beautiful, sexy, crazy, weird, fantastic, confusing, successful LADIES is never tainted ever again. I am Man. I love women. Not whores. And I look great! Lets repeat this DAILY in our recoveries.
I've beena victim of mental/sexual abuse for about 10 years (me in late 20's) andit started in highschool for about 2-4 times per week until 5 days ago! I quit! Fu**ing prison break! In short, it caused LOTS of fear of rejection/performance in my life! From girls(especially) to sports to grades. In this time of 5 days I've already noticed a slight improvement in my attitude. Read: I. DON'T. CARE. Hmm.. this is good:) See before I / we were weak "nice guys" that grew up only to still be "nice guys" that jerk too much. We let porn change us, ruin us because we were lied to. Fooled by hollywood advertising. But now.. for example, it gives me confidence to KNOW that thru porn addiction I was lost. this disconnect from real touch made me seem untrustworthy, pervish, which lead to self pity to isolation to more jerking.. But off this drug, I feel/look more confident, self assuring, austin powerful! People sense it and so do women guaranteed! These positive traits effect ALL your relationships. Not just w/women.
Wont go into detail as my story is VERY similar to my fellow bloggers/posters here. I just wanted to come in, introduce, and tell you that I am with you and I too, have a problem. With your help and mine, we will ALL lose this addiction:)
Peace be to you.. To be continued.

I am Man.. I love women. And I look great.
-Me

It's great that

you're seeing benefits so quickly. Thanks for sharing. Often the return to balance has a baffling range of highs and lows when you've been on "the drug" for a long time.

You're enabled to blog. Looking forward to your further thoughts!

Wow..

..when I sit here and think about how much porn has shaped my view on Sex/dating/ bachelorhood, it makes me both ashamed and motivated to get better. the gangbangs, ejac on faces, angry sex, ALL have affected me. I've gone from dating hot, quiet, soft girls(before porn) to loose, promiscuous scantily clad half naked sluts. (after porn took root) I was such a slaaave to looks ONLY! :( Brains/smarts/family plans were NEVER my concern.
When I think about it... this disease, over time, has made me bitter. Jealous with women. This has lead to several "half in-half out" relationships. I never could understand where/why the disconnect was there.... I never could understand why after porn, the good girls just seemed..."boring", too much work, flawed. While the sluts were the ones to never say no... angels. :(
I ask myself: Was I subconsciously reinacting a porn actors life? Did I want a sex harem like in the (porn/music) videos? Did I secretly want to be them?

Damn this things powerful, AND IT MUST BE STOPPED at ALL COSTS!

Thought for the day kids... : You ARE what you EAT! Good or Bad!

..planet Earth. was my place of birth. born to be the soul controller. of the universe..
-Rakim

Hey, don't beat yourself up :-)

As my husband just said, "People need to understand that their reward circuitry's top priority is to find easy sex compelling." (Yes, bonding is also a priority, but when opportunity knocks, we are wired act first and ask questions later...especially if our brains are running low on dopamine sensitivity, obscuring our ability to see the long-term consequences of our acts.)

So, basically, you are built so that you are vulnerable to extreme stimulation. Trouble is, there's just too damn much of it these days, and it does indeed alter perception.

Once you see that, and how it happens, you can steer for different results, just as you are. But please be gentle with yourself. Your enthusiasm for sex was shared by your ancestors...and it's a major reason you're here. Smile Mind you, I think you're wise to want to regain balance and free will. Just be gentle with yourself.