My partner and me have been together for 10 years. When we met he was an extreme Powerful person and totally into spirituality. We really clicked and developped overtime a steady rt but the wild sex was soon switched off by him, not because the sexual attraction fizzled out. Maybe its got to do with being an adopted kid and not allowing the love in. I complained over the years but backed off as soon as he stated that he would do something about that. We met in Asia and lived there for a few years where it is easy to have lots of ppl around you than we went to Holland and became totally socially isolated. With all his ppl skills it turned out it was difficult to make friends and to really connect with Dutchies or things the place has to offer. At times my partner was gone for a number of weeks and I wanted to bring more streamline and focus into my personal life and started doing Yoga and sports daily and was working on my Tantra. As he is a teacher in this, I thought he would join in with me. But No. After a while I lost my stamina cause I had partially done this regime to get upto speed on a sexual level and had expected and requested him to join me. We started quarreling. Took a break with a couple of months holiday in Thailand and I really backed off with my complaining/telling him what I need but we only had sex once in a fortnight and my initiatives to do things differently (our 'love' making became very stereotypical over the years) were not followed by passion or interest on his side. Now since coming to Holland he lost his spunk cause he is not on purpose or focussed at all and he turned into a little mouse. We even had some time apart at this holiday and were VERY happy to see each other and make it work this time. But after a few days of jetlag nothing happened.No sex. No steps towards projects to get on purpose. And the quarrels started again. Many ultimatums followed even from his side to give me what I need on a sexual and spiritual level and he thought he was such a dough head to let this happen. But no change. A week ago the situation worsened since my income stops and I thought that would have to make him DO things but that didnt happen either.
Basicly I have lost all my energy, am severely depressed, dont want to live with him nor without him since I literally have no friends or connection with anything in this country. We have talked a bout moving many times but it always get stuck after partner saying why we cant do that. He is completely stuck and so am I now. Saying he wants to make things good for me but every night he is falling asleep in front of the tv and not doing what he promised. To pick up my life I need space without him but am scared shitless of doing this pure isolated life alone. And I am also very scared that I throw the child away with the bathwater. He has been acting from his negative child and his adult is almost not available or his Higher Self. But having seen him in different times as so strong, interesting, funny, sexy etc I wonder wether this can come back or not. Or did he shoot into a pattern concerning his adoption? Rationally he confirms all my complaints and he says he wants to do better and get up his lazy ass but there is no action to go along with this.Its so bad I gave up all prayer.medidation and sports and became totally stuck myself.He is a very masculine guy with his feminine side developed and he used to be the decisionmaker and I was very happy with that but now I feel I HAVE to make all decisions and give our lives structure and focus. I am looking forward to hear your suggestions and I appreciate your help very much!