I replied last night to a thread that was deleted by the original poster. I recovered my much too late night post for our viewing enjoyment. Some is out of context now, but I've left it as it was.
The user posted about how he felt that he is out of control when he orgasms and in seeking orgasm. He mentioned neglecting important parts of his life like an exam to seek a better orgasm. He wasn't a new user. I hope he opens back up and blogs because he seemed like he needed our support.
What do others think? Are addicts in or out of control in seeking their meds? Does it depend? On the person? On the addiction? I think they are in control and prioritize it over other parts of their life, but that is probably the minority view. I don't understand how a human can truly get out of control. What does that actually mean? Unless damaged, the brain will function by design and so be in control.
Think about this control concept as it applies to you more.
Contrary to popular belief, I think addicts are actually in control. But control appears to be lacking because of duality of self. That is why the so called surrender is important. That is the merging back of the self. The slips are due to rough seas as we walk the merge gangway. And of course society can knock us about along the way too.
You may be right that you’re out of control. But it could be in your overall life as opposed to when you orgasm.
I’ve concluded (for now at least) that for me orgasm was about control. It was in a way the only time I was in control of my otherwise drifting life while I was getting tossed about at sea. I didn’t know it at the time. Now that I’m back at the helm, orgasm has kind of lost its purpose because I’m steering for clearer waters and using the cravings as lamination for my map instead of a poncho.
The 3am EST server reset happened and I’m losing it so good luck for now.