Hello. I was on this site about 1 year ago but haven't found my old login. I would like to share my updated experience and also ask any new advice.
I masturbated daily to internet porn since I was 11, considered it a totally normal part of my life. While growing up, I noticed some behaviors written this website: when I didn't masturbate, I had more "dating success" :) and was more attractive around women, at the same time also felt more "in love"!
I was about 6 months into a quite significant relationship when I discovered the ideas on this site and related it with others from my personal/spiritual development (mainly Christian). Often, I stayed 4-5 days without masturbating, which seemed to increase my empathy, understanding, trust and "positiveness" about the relationship. Such lifechanging conclusions on this website that I made lots of use of it in my relationship.
Most importantly, we were (and still are) not a "committed" couple: even though we were friends in person for months, our romance started just days before we returned to our countries of origin. I believe in taking initiative in important life questions. Have done that for about a year now (I emphasize again: in combination with my religious values) while working on concrete solutions to our love (plans about moving in together, etc.). After parting, we have seen each other again only twice. Once after 9 months, and then after 3 months. But we have massive interaction with each other, daily and with real-life proportions (mutual university-related projects, helping on coursework, etc.).
My experience has been the following:
- when abstaining from porn and masturbation for 2-3 days, it made me much more positive about her, and somehow our interaction (despite long distance) was blissful.
- but if I abstained too long (more than 1 week), I started get stressed, especially feeling the distance and more strongly the lack of her physical presence AND feeling craving for other women whom I met daily.
- I did try to abstain completely (as suggested on the website) to shut down permanently, but it always led to the stress I mention above (strong lack of her presence, strong craving for physically available women). So, for the sake of our love, in those situations I returned to porn. When I did so, it restored my "long distance relationship balance".
- Over the past 5 months, I reduced internet porn and switched to simulating/imagining sex with HER when masturbating. This was great, and I felt that this led to an even better relationship empathy!!
BUT it probably made the post-orgasm effects even worse: even if things were really really becoming very good relationship-wise (more hints at us becoming an actual married couple), I often felt the need to be on my own and sometimes even the idea of leaving her. Which is exactly what the website talks about.
I know this website is mainly for "real life" couples, and I hope I and her will be one soon. But until then I feel that many many things have depended on how I acted on my sexual urges. I know for sure that if I don't orgasm at all, I automatically crave for other women.
Basically I'm here to ask whether, given the really long distance and really long periods of time between which we meet physically, it may actually be more productive to return to occasional porn.