An introduction and some questions

Submitted by Cosine on
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I stumbled upon this site a few days ago and found it answered a great many questions for me. I started watching porn at about age 16. I quickly became addicted to it and would skip school just to sit at home all day watching it.

After some time the material I was watching began to have less of an effect on me and I quickly began watching more hardcore material. I'd tried to quit many times between the ages of 16 - 19 for religious reasons, but to no avail. I just felt guilty and disgusted with myself. My self confidence began to decrease and I became very anxious and a lot more reclusive. At around age 19 I lost my faith and since then have been what you might call an apatheist - I lost interest in questions that could not be answered.

Since then I've used porn to medicate my anxiety. I often find myself viewing it even when I'm not in the mood to do so, simply because I feel I need to in order to function.

Now, during this time, it wasn't just porn that was affecting my outlook on life. I believe caffeine played a part in it for me as well. I loved my coffee and had been drinking it long before being hooked to porn. I noticed all the anxiety issues arise before porn as well... and I can see now that the two habits were reinforcing each other. With every coffee came a jolt of stress hormones, which lead me to porn in order to sedate them. And I've been caught up in this viscious cycle ever since. Caffeine and porn causing a dopamine rush with hang over effects.

I've tried to quit both of these influences before. After a week I noticed a great change. I noticed I was more sociable and less anxious, better able to concentrate, more reliable energy throughout the day. But it's so easy to fall back into the old habits.

Thanks to this site, I've tried to quit both of these influences again. I'm on day 5 without caffeine, and it must have been a week without porn.

Being a single male who's never had a romantic relationship, my only concerns at the moment are where this leads. Is it really healthy to deny myself sexual release until I find a partner? And forgive me if this offends but, isn't denying oneself sexual release partly responsible for the attrocities commited by certain members of the Catholic clergy?


Congratulations on making it a whole week without porn. That is truly impressive.

[quote=Cosine] After a week I noticed a great change. I noticed I was more sociable and less anxious, better able to concentrate, more reliable energy throughout the day. [/quote]

Great to hear!

Have you tried any herbal non-caffeinated coffee alternatives? Teeccino brand perhaps?

[quote=Cosine]Is it really healthy to deny myself sexual release until I find a partner?[/quote]

I'm not sure, but I feel pretty good finally giving my sexual organs a break, even if it's only temporarily.

Hi cosine

It's exciting when the pieces start to fall into place, isn't it? Congratulations on your progress. Start a blog if you like:

The goal is balance not perfect abstinence, and that seems to be easier to find if you give your brain a chance to reboot first. You can find people's rebooting stories at the other site:

The best strategy for most people is to stay off of porn and porn fantasy indefinitely...simply because it is so arousing that it kicks in the need for more and more...just as you've already experienced.

Gradually moving toward occasional masturbation based on (somewhat Smile realistic) fantasies about real women and an emphasis on sensual touch seems to be one option. Others have found some comfort with the solo energy practices at the other site:

But you don't have to worry about figuring any of that out yet, because a time-out is your best bet at first. LEt us know how you get on.

I stopped drinking coffee every morning several months ago...

I was a huge coffee drinker in the morning and years ago I drank afternoon coffee's.

Now when I wake up I drink water first while my herbal tea is brewing. I like to sweeten it with either a little honey, agave, or stevia. I've been adding in local bee pollen to help with the spring time allergies which for me aren't typical nose allergies, but they were showing up as arthritis symptoms. This also happens to me in autumn.

I have a lot of different kinds of teas I've been enjoying. I suggest you to to the store and get a sampler box or a few different boxes, read the boxes and see what their effects are on you. I like one by Yogi called "calm mind" and use that often in the mornings. My mother got some loose tea mixes and shared them with me. It's fun experimenting with them. :)

And for the times where I do want a little boost of caffeine I use some very good green teas, just enough to help perk me up.

I advise never using two chai tea bags in a cup and then using concentrated chai mix to cool it off because you've run out of milk. I got absolutely NO sleep that night! LOL