I really don't know what to say. My longest fast has been 2 weeks since I was 13.
My confidence...my relationships...the way I see the world and the people in it...I think it's all from my masturbation/porn addiction.
I lack energy, I wake up depressed every morning (and, oddly enough, completely energized at night and following masturbation). That isn't to say I'm suicidal or anything. Far from it. I'm just sad. Scared.
I hate it. I just don't want to live this way anymore.
So I'm giving it a shot. 90 Days. Starting NOW.
I came here, because I was hoping someone could give me some advice of what the future may hold. I think the only way this is going to work is if I actually feel different after a certain amount of time. But I don't know if I will. For as long as I've had a sex drive, this is how I've seen the world. I know it can be different, but I've never really felt it.
I have a girlfriend. I want to treat her better. I've only made things worse. I don't even think she's attracted to me anymore, most of the time. It isn't that she isn't attracted to me in the physical sense. It's just...well...when you've got an addiction like this, it's almost as if your aura changes. A girlfriend/spouse sees you differently. They lose respect. I'm surprise she's held out for this long.
I hope I can change this. Not back to the way I was when we first met (which was more balanced), but better. Be the best I've ever been.
Will that happen? What experiences have you had?
Thanks for reading.