Porn vs Real sex: how the brain works, further theories of mine, how did I overcome the addiction itself

Submitted by back2life on
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This is how I see and feel things and from what I've read, this has to be the case. I've also did further experiments with my precious brain, and I'm really not feeling so good right now(yes I did watch porn about 5-6 times, with a 4 hour session the first time), it's been only a week since then, so please excuse me , if the text is not formulated well and I repeat some things few times, this is how the information comes in my brain, I know it's defective :( Also , I won't use scientific terms and I won't speak in a scientific way (not that I can lol). May be all I'm speaking of can be summarized in three or four nicely structured sentences, however I need to express it this way.

Let's say the brain has 100 functions in regards to sex. (just to express my idea, if you want you imagine 3 billion neurons for real sex vs 800 million for porn :D)
These 100 functions can only be activated in real sex with a real woman, when all factors are present (especially intimacy).
When we watch porn, the brain, recognizes the sexual material, and wants to activate the 100 functions as this is how its made by nature.
Imagine how the brain has 100 areas that want some kind of input to function properly, this input can only be provided from real sex.
So, back on my thoughts, when we watch porn, all the 100 areas want to be active but only few of them are actually activated.
Let's say that porn activates 20 areas from these 100. You have only visual input and all the other factors lack. When you watch porn, you also feel pleasure from satisfying your fantasies, most of them and further fantasies by the way are being created the moment you see porn, before that you don't have them. We have sexuality being satisfied on few levels, but in a deviated way.
So when you get the pleasure from porn, you actually get it only with the help of 20 brain sexual areas and the other 80 are left unsatisfied, and they wanted and indeed that input, the input they were created for, that is something that further irritates the brain. The 80 functions are screaming, hey what about us ? What have you done? The neurons for touch want their input, the neurons responsible for real interaction (seeing real person, talking, being careful, achieving harmony, seeing all the subtle details on her face, the entire psychological area includes many details, may be I should read a book on human sexuality. These neurons say : did you forget us, only this way you can feel complete, now by activating only the other 20 areas you left us completely unsatisfied).
Just imagine how many many many neurons that are active during real sexual intercourse are not being activated while watching porn! The real contact also provides many other beneficial things for the brain, the pleasure just cannot be compared, it's chemically very different.
That is the main reason, that porn will never be satisfying. That's why, all the people cannot really get the proper satisfaction. That's why we can watch 1000 times porn and we just won't stop, why? Because we are not satisfied! I want to do it until I feel the satisfaction, but that's the biggest illusion, you can never ever feel full satisfaction from porn! In real sex, when all factors are present, we can have sex 1 or 2 times, but we feel huge satisfaction, everything is on its place, we stop. When we watch porn, we can never ever activate the full package of sexual input that the brain needs.
To summarize, when having real sex, you activate the same neurons that are activated by porn, however you DO NOT activate the full package of neurons that need to be activated, also you activate them in a very very different way, the neurons for the fantasies and sexual ideas etc, you have these, you need them, but in real sex, they are used in a very different way, with normal intensity in a way that you are supposed to use them. When we watch porn, not only we don't fully activate all the sexual functions needed but on top of that the functions we're using are hijacked by porn, they are deviated, they are not working in the same way they are supposed to work. They evolve, become monsters !
Imagine a brain with regularly activated sexual functions only from porn. The guy will only fantasize and get extremely satisfied from visual stimuli, after all this is what he has be training his brain for, with the help of porn. The real sex will be a problem, the other 80 areas were left inactive for 1-2 years. He won't feel the satisfaction he is supposed to feel from touch, from talking, from being in harmony(in sexual way), everything will be deviated.
I will write more in details about this deviation and how big actually it is, how it can absolutely destroy our normal life. This is the biggest problem with porn!
Brain also learns how it got the pleasure and after that it wants to get it the same way, it reaches the memory and asks, memory tell me, how did I got the sexual pleasure last time, we should do it again, because it was very good. Thus instead of having thoughts about real sex, the only thoughts you have are porn related, the only way you want pleasure is the porn, this is how you programmed the neurons.
That's why even ONCE is bad. Even one try of porn is bad, no matter that you don't feel or realize this, it may be subtle at the begging but still negative.

THE ADDICTION:

Though, I quit porn 2 years ago, during all that time, my mind wasn't alright, I had all types of thoughts that would eventually make me want it again! Apparently I didn't reach the core of the addiction itself! There is something I recently realized, the only REASON I wanted to try porn again and again and again and again and again is that somehow I believed that it can give me more pleasure then real sex. I aimed for something that I cannot get in normal life! For something extra! The very thought that by not watching porn I'm missing something over there, something that can give me more pleasure, was just killing me, I couldn't live with that. And these thoughts , all of them, were very well hidden, I couldn't notice them consciously, I didn't pay attention to them. I really believed, porn is giving me pleasure!!! That's true, it's pleasurable right? We cannot deny that? You know that buzzy feeling, that adrenaline rush, the excitement, the faster beating of your heart, how you forget everything, you go into the timeless reality, the orgasm itself and the relief after that, that's very familiar, right? That's pleasure, UNDENIABLE! What I didn't know was the big picture! When we put this ,,pleasure,, in the big picture, it's not really pleasure! It's something that has some of the qualities of the pleasure you are supposed to feel, considering it's side effects however, it's not really worth it! Consider all of this I described plus something more plus huge satisfaction, plus all of different kind of psychological pleasures which you get from your partner, that's real sex when all the needed factors are present (meaning the right partner for you).
When reading about you how you get this ultra high dopamine rush, you can get really excited, you can get higher dopamine rush than real sex. This lead me to believe that I'm missing something and I have to stop it!! This thought was working beneath the surface however!
The only way I actually felt relief from the addiction was that I realized the truth, I saw things the way they are, from that moment , immediately,I didn't have the need for porn, I just didn't need it on psychological level. I didn't have the urge, I didn't have the fuel anymore , the fuel that made me watch it, the only thing that was left were its effects on me, but without any addiction. The psychological addiction is the strongest when it comes to porn. If you overcome it, the physical is nothing compared it.
I realized and felt and experienced and tested and I'm 10000% sure, that nothing nothing nothing can give me more pleasure than REAL SEX. I can get the exact dose of dopamine and all the other chemical rush combined with all other factors only by having real sex !
Everything else is just not making me really happy, with time it becomes exhausting, it's not giving real pleasure, it give some kind of ,,pleasure,, but some kind doesn't mean real pleasure and happiness when we are talking about something as complex as the brain. Even if I get ultra dose of dopamine rush from porn, it's negative, it's not real pleasure, for real pleasure many factors need to be online, by taking the dopamine rush with porn, many of them are offline, this results in many negative things. This exact same dopamine ultra high rush can also be taken from real sex, but in a different way, when it's with all other factors being present it's a different story. You can get the same climax and ultra high feeling with real sex as well, difference is you feel satisfied and don't it 8 times in a row. If you don't feel it in real sex, you are not fine, you just need to reactivate what the nature gave you until you feel it, until you feel something more than you feel from porn, than you will now you are finally back to NORMAL!
About porn, even if it's giving pleasure at some moment(this can be years), even if the brain has never been exposed to porn, even if you have the perfectly balanced brain, you still cannot activate the full sexual network with porn, you cannot get the same feelings. Plus you will always be affected no matter how little, your brain is always going to be at risk. You may not notice any harm for 5-6 years, but believe me that's very hard to notice, even the changes are so very hard to notice. And there are so so many areas that can be affected that it's hard to imagine!!! It's really complex !! I'm going to make a separate topic or write again in this one, exactly about this! The effects can be in all areas of your life, it can be everything, and you won't notice it until it literally kills you and it becomes obvious, you can operate fine 10 years with disrupted functions and think you are fine!
Depending on the individual, there may be people who watch porn all life and still are not addicted, why? Because they will be psychologically fine, they won't have this great urge for porn, ever! However, they will experience the effects of porn, no matter if they can notice them or not. No matter if the effects are very subtle or devastating! They can watch porn and feel pleasure from sex as well, this doesn't mean that the porn won't affect the way their brain works, the way they perceive reality! I very much doubt however they will be able to get the most real, genuine pleasure from sex, by being exposed to porn, but theoretically it's not impossible . This is very subjective however and we can never know that.

So, by knowing all that, who would want to watch porn again? I know it, and I don't have the slightest urge to watch porn, I'm also sure that I'm not just thinking this up, it's not like my imagination is trying to find excuses why not to watch porn, this is my direct experience!

I'll write further when I get better so I'll be able to express better with more examples.

p.s.

If anybody wants to help, try thinking of the differences between real contact in perfect conditions vs porn. What is our brain missing with porn? Most things that we miss(except touch,hear,smell, chemicals during sex) are on psychological level, which are very important for the overall pleasure.

OK, I have to ask

Do you think orgasmic sex with your girlfriend kicked in the "chaser" effect, which made you more vulnerable to watching porn? http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-you-need-a-chaser-after-sex

Where is your porn blocker?

Accept that you may *never* get rid of that feeling that porn has more to offer. It will happen whenever you are feeling depleted, due to too much intense arousal in the recent past. And it will be very convincing. It is your "binge trigger."

You have a brilliant mind, but it will be hijacked to come up with rationalization about "testing" and all sorts of other things to push you back toward this "valuable" dopamine high. Why? Because your limbic system is louder than your rational brain when the binge trigger kicks in. This ability to hijack the rational brain served your genes throughout evolution...and they don't care about *you* - they care about their success.

Binge trigger: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/has-evo...

Any chance your sweetheart would be willing to try karezza? It's a way off the roller coaster. http://yourbrainonporn.com/another-way-to-make-love

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[quote=Marnia]Do you think orgasmic sex with your girlfriend kicked in the "chaser" effect, which made you more vulnerable to watching porn? http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-you-need-a-chaser-after-sex [/quote]

Orgasmic sex with my girlfriend didn't trigger the chaser effect, it is the greatest completely satisfying feeling.
If I have sex after porn however, when the porn networks are still active, there is some chaser effect, but that's only in case I've watched porn before, after a week or two the porn network won't be so active during sex, so no chaser effect is expected, it will be just as before, it will be just as before the experiment with porn.

[quote=Marnia]
Accept that you may *never* get rid of that feeling that porn has more to offer. It will happen whenever you are feeling depleted, due to too much intense arousal in the recent past. And it will be very convincing. It is your "binge trigger."[/quote]

Thank you, that was before, It was really convincing, now I really see that it doesn't offer more, it's obviously less, I will never watch porn again, except may be when I become 40 years old just to see how it's going to affect me for few weeks, or as I think about it, I may not notice any effects and feel only pleasure, but my brain is still going to be affected so most probably I will never ever watchporn again. No more experiments , they are just not needed anymore.

[quote=Marnia]
You have a brilliant mind, but it will be hijacked to come up with rationalization about "testing" and all sorts of other things to push you back toward this "valuable" dopamine high. Why? Because your limbic system is louder than your rational brain when the binge trigger kicks in. This ability to hijack the rational brain served your genes throughout evolution...and they don't care about *you* - they care about their success.[/quote]

My limbic system is not louder than my rational brain, it was louder before when I didn't have enough information so the rational brain wasn't really effective, I had doubts, now that I have all this information and consciously realize the situation, no limbic system in the world can make me watch porn no matter what thoughts and illusions my brain will generate in order to satisfy the need, trust me on this one :)

Just keep in mind

that the cycle of orgasm is longer than we think. So feelings of satisfaction after sex with your girlfriend do not guarantee that you will avoid the chaser effect a few days later.

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[quote=Marnia]Just keep in mind that the cycle of orgasm is longer than we think. So feelings of satisfaction after sex with your girlfriend do not guarantee that you will avoid the chaser effect a few days later.[/quote]

Well if by the chaser effect you mean my natural need to have sex again with my girlfriend after 2 days, just a normal controllable need, I'm ok with this effect :D It's not something that's controlling me or anyhow affecting my whole being in a negative way. It's nothing as crazy and powerful as the guys from the chaser effect link you gave, describe. I know what they are speaking of, I had this chaser effect only with porn and real sex and porn combined, when I quit porn before two years, this effect was gone with time. The normal sexual need is nothing like this.

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My trigger was curiosity, I wanted to know what's gonna happen, to actually see the differences(porn, real sex) this time for real and somehow deep in me I really wanted to watch porn, I had this urge and need, I explained in the post why I had it and how did I remove it, it was purely psychological. It was 4 hours mainly because if you had the idea growing in your brain , the idea ,,DON'T DO THIS,, and you had this idea for 2 years, this idea really generates the exactly opposite effect and you REALLY REALLY want to DO THIS, the point is to actually fully realize what porn is , what you gain from it, it's effects on you and to finally make the choice, not to fool yourself, not to go with - JUST DON"T DO IT, because it doesn't really work. And these two years I was exactly with this idea- DON'T do IT, you don't know for sure what it is, you are not familiar with this, but JUST don't DO IT because it harms you, but the idea that I could get more pleasure there and I shouldn't do it was really working in me and actually making me want it. It's like a girl who just said to herself Don't eat CHOCOLATE and somehow believes that she needs chocolate, after 2 years if she starts eating chocolate , I'm sure she'll eat at least 4-5 of them, just as I did 4 hours for that same reason. I wanted to understand if I'm missing something, I wanted to understand why I want to watch this porn so much, I wanted to understand the things I understood in my post. I don't think it's about a specific trigger here...there was no trigger, except what I listed above.
The next 5 times were really short about 10-15 min max, I can explain in details why did I do it 5 times instead of only once if you want, but I don't think it's really important.

Do you see any connection

Do you see any connection between this and my proposal that highlights the importance, if not one method, of disconnecting porn, masturbation, orgasm, and in this case real sex from each other? Do you think this process can happen without that internal awareness about what porn is to us?

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[quote=freedom]Do you see any connection between this and my proposal that highlights the importance, if not one method, of disconnecting porn, masturbation, orgasm, and in this case real sex from each other? Do you think this process can happen without that internal awareness about what porn is to us?[/quote]

I'm sorry mate, english is not my native language and I'm struggling to understand what you mean, can you paraphrase the question?
Which process ?