Contact time, It's threshold (λ), and the split - some observations

Submitted by confusedius on
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This may not be completely new info, but the realization that it brought to me is very interesting, and insightful.

Also, this would be a good blog entry, but I don't have one, yet. Marnia et. al., I would appreciate if you could allow me to blog, and move this topic to the blog (if possible).

I have been off P for more than three months, and off M and O for last two months.
Contact Time:

Let's call the threshold of of contact time (λ).

The other day I was in the gym, and was watching TV in between sets. I am not sure what exactly was the program name,but it was a talent show (like American Idol), where girls were dancing in really skimpy clothes. Here's what happened:
• First I noticed the girls, but did not pay attention to them too much (t < 3 seconds). And I was feeling alright, but after watching it every now and then between sets, I began to find it interesting.

• After that I happened to see some guy, was showing one of the trainers, some model in Esquire magazine, in a sexy pose. This was probably first erotica (ha!) contact I had after a while. I had a glance (t < 3 s - this is important) and avoided seeing it further time was less than few seconds.

• After a few days break. I found the same magazine in the locker room. Got curious to see that model. I saw her, and here is the interesting bit: I spent sometime observing different parts of her body (like an object), and started to feel some strange good feeling. Even in the porn, I used to enjoy watching close-up (not too close though). The main point is, I had spent more time observing all her curves and body parts, AND had started to feel good. This had not occurred at the first glance. Hence, the concept of Contact Time. It was like a trans-fixation for a few minutes (t > λ)

• I went back to doing my usual things, but I started to notice some distance from my girl. I did not feel as close and as interested in her as before. And that was the reason why I wondered.

• Two days later, it started feel better and close to her just like before.

• I started to notice that for me, there's a certain amount of contact time, that has to elapse before I
start getting the hit of dopamine. I remember that this what I used to do even when watching P. Observe curvy parts intently and get off w/o even fantasizing having sex with the girl on the screen.

• I tried this on one of the fitness magazines with hot girls. I saw some pics (nothing completely naked), and moved on before I get transfixed momentarily. I haven't had reaction like before. So for me, it seems like I can watch but only for time less than threshold of contact time i.e. t < λ. This seems also in-line with, what Doidge refers to as one of the elements for the plastic change i.e intense concentration

• The other day I was watching Human Target's episode called Kill Bob. It featured a girl called Angie, who's a Russian spy. She was a spy so clearly in shape, strong, kick-butt, smart and sexy. What I noticed is that I like the physique of such girls(actress is real if not character), and what they do as characters. I feel like I fall in love with such characters, but since I already have a gf, my heart goes to her, while physically I like having girls like Angie. That's the split!. Emotionally I am with my girl, but physically I want better shape! And it sucks.

• What I have decided to do is when I meet my girl this time, we will start our physical interactions as if we starting a new relationship. First no touching, building up attractions, and gradually using techniques like karezza, and occasional orgasms. This is once again in-line with Doidge's example of how a paralyzed man learned to walk by doing what a baby would do to learn.

What do you guys think?


I guess I am addicted to this site!:-D


Sorry, I thought you were already enabled to blog. I screwed up. You are now though, so blog away!

It's interesting that you notice how your perception changes after your brain lights up for those cues (images of sexy women). I think I shared this info, right? This excerpt's from an article we just wrote.

"According to a 2007 study, mere exposure to a series of images of sexy females causes a man to devalue his real-life partner. He rates her lower not only on attractiveness, but also on warmth and intelligence. Also, after pornography consumption, male and female subjects in a 2006 study reported less satisfaction with their intimate partner—including the partner’s affection, appearance, sexual curiosity and performance. Moreover, they assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement."

I think you're wise to focus on affection, with less emphasis on getting each other off. But the main thing is to observe yourself. See whether your perception changes and on what schedule, just as you were doing above.

Good luck...and congratulations with all your progress.

Yep! you did...

You know what.. you indeed had shared that info. Thanks for sharing again.

I had read that article, and had commented that it was not something new! But, experiencing it, so obviously or perceptibly was an amazing experience! My lesson is that I must break contact before (substantial) dopamine hit starts to occur.

Normally, I think we're supposed feel good right from when we see such pictures, so this apparent lag in my case may also be the sign of left-over desensitization from porn days, which will eventually go away. I hope.

Thanks, Marnia! God bless.
2 Months Sober from porn and enjoying every minute of that.
No M'bation since 17-Dec-2010 - First time in 16 years!